The single dumbest FW/Crankshaft crossover arc ever continues today, as the Power Couple Of The Century continues to drone on and on about some old catalogs in front of a decrepit and slowly dying Crankshaft, as an increasingly aware and mentally sharp Morty eavesdrops and schemes in the background. It’s difficult to believe BatWad needs TWO daily comic strips to spin this yarn but then again it’s difficult to believe he has two daily comic strips at all.
Author: Epicus Doomus
V.P. at SoSF. Does not approve of new WP layout at all.
Mope Springs Eternal
Springtime…a time of rebirth, flowers blooming, leaves sprouting (as opposed to falling), sunshine, mailboxes full of junk mail…yep, a time when a psychotic old bus driver’s fancy turned to the ol’ mail order catalog. No wonder everyone hates him and/or can’t ever remember his name.
Then there’s Pete, who understands ol’ Crankshaft all too well (and has to make the conversation all about himself and comic books, of course). Apparently HE sat on pins and needles waiting for the new “Starbuck Jones” to drop even though it may or may not have already run its course ten or thirty years before he was even conceived. WHY are these two talking about old mail order catalogs at a nursing home? What prompted this completely random old memory? Why is Morton lurking suspiciously in the background? Is he going to buy Chester’s old catalogs for his ol’ pal Crankshaft?
Of course he is. Crankshaft sold his catalog collection to Chester who’s going to sell his catalog collection to Morton who’s going to give them to Crankshaft, because that’s how things always work in the Funkyverse. Then Crankshaft will die and some cold unfeeling health aide will unceremoniously toss his life’s work into the dumpster and the circle of junk will be complete. I mean just look at ol’ Cranky…what the hell is he going to do with two hundred pounds of old catalogs? No one sentimentalizes old garbage quite like BatNut does. Just look at how he keeps re-packaging that stupid old Lisa story…ZING!!!!
Still Better Than A Date With Les
Yup, Mindy and Pete are sure getting real ellipsis lately. The Valentine, Montoni’s AND a date to go visit Gramps Crankshaft at the ol’ nursing home…move over Bogie and Bacall, this one’s a romance for the New Millennium. Kind of “steamy” by FW standards but that Batiuk is never afraid to “push the envelope”, as they say. NEXT week they’re planning to lay a wreath at the local unclaimed deceased pets memorial followed by a trip to the medical supply shop to pick up a new filter for Gramp’s oxygen generator. After that, it’s marriage, kids, cancer, the whole f*cking shebang. Let the good times roll.
Doom And Legume
This one took me a while to figure out. “Bean’s End catalog”…I have to assume this is a play on “L.L. Bean” and “Land’s End”…I guess. Which means that BatNard is now basing story arcs on the junk mail he gets every day, in keeping with his “whatever I happen to see within my limited field of vision” approach to “storytelling”. While I certainly do not doubt that “someone” out there collects old catalogs (someone collects everything) it seems HIGHLY UNLIKELY that anyone could fund a fledgling comic book company with the proceeds of such a collection, especially if they just purchased (and renovated) an entire old office building to house such a comic book company. As others have already pointed out, perhaps Boy Lisa’s MBA skills might be of use here if only he wasn’t so busy doodling. What a shame.
Commander Vomit
This SoSF shift is dedicated to LFB, always my # 1 fan
What did I ever do to deserve this? The (sigh) Atomik Komix gang is back and apparently they’re already being henpecked and overworked. No one saw THAT coming, eh? “Commander Comet”…”Rip Tide”…”The Pulp”…sigh.
Tom Batiuk doing arcs about the exhausting demands of being a “big time” comic writer is pretty funny when you think about it. Maybe it’s some kind of subconscious or subliminal guilt trip, I dunno. Or maybe he’s just trying to convince everyone that he’s putting way more into this than he actually does, although no one who actually reads it is ever going to buy that.
Son of Stuck Funky 