Son of Stuck Funky – Page 597 – Son of Stuck Funky

Just Like The First Thanksgiving…But With Toppings!

A very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, fellow snarkers! I’m thankful for a lot of things, not the least of which is knowing that I am NOT the only person who scratches their head in confusion and disgust after reading this thing every day, as for a long, long time I was sure that I was. At first I couldn’t figure out why they’d be video chatting with Funky and Holly instead of their own families, but then I realized they’re just thanking them for the pizza. Just a few weeks ago I was cracking wise about how we were due for some pizza in this strip and bam, right on cue. And what is Pete doing there? Get a paper plate or something, you idiot. He looks like he just realized he accidentally swallowed a hair or something.

If this is the best Thanksgiving of Boy Lisa’s life, things must have been even tougher than we imagined in the loveless Fairgood household. Damn that philandering, dream-squelching Fred! Such a monster. And don’t sweat it Funky, they’ll surely mention Montoni’s on the red carpet and during the acceptance speech and at the after party and on Jimmy Fallon, unless they get distracted by comic books first, that is. And don’t worry, if they stick to this all-pizza diet they’ll be plenty big soon enough.

Another Pizza Your Heart Now Baby

Link To Today’s Thing

Looks like you could use a few folding tables or even a couple of old milk crates too there, Derwin. What a pair of brain-dead slobs. BanTom sometimes tries to pretend that Boy Lisa is just a “young guy ” who’s “just starting out” but remember, these people are in their late thirties at a minimum, which makes it all the more sad. The crooked lampshade is a nice touch too, it really gives the place that “totally hapless” look that explains so much regarding why Pete is still eternally single.

If they hate that awful Hollywood pizza so much, why are they buying so much of it? I’m assuming that the dry ice really locked-in that famed Montoni’s freshness and kept the grease from congealing too much during shipping, although how will they be able to tell? How many pizzas did she cram into that box? Did she just stack them on top of each other or what? I would think that after spending several years working there (and living directly above it) Darin would be sick to death of Montoni’s by now but I guess it’s in the blood now, like tainted heroin or some sort of incurable virus.

And Boy, Are Her Arms Tired

Link To Today’s Alleged “Comic” Strip

And I had no idea that everyone was actually on the second floor of this building…go figure. So where are the bricks? Or is that some sort of earthquake risk Out West? It’s so strange to see such a blank wall in this strip, isn’t it?

Boy Lisa’s big black chin dimple and epically Winkerbeanian schnozz-ola and Jessica’s Fingerpoke Of Doom and reckless 80’s rocker hair aside, there isn’t a whole lot going on in this piece of crap. TheWriterGuy always tries for the whole cute bubbly adorable thing with Jessica but he always goes too far and makes her seem ditzy, annoying and idiotic instead. He needs to wry the character up by like 40% or so, she’s way too chipper and upbeat. Why, if it wasn’t for her father being murdered she’d barely have any pathos in her life at all.

And I’ve always assumed that she must have some sort of blandness fetish or something, as she likes Boy Lisa way, way too much to be believable. You know what they say, different strokes and all. If she indeed does go for bland guys then it all makes much more sense, as she really hit the jackpot with Darin, The Least Interesting Man In The World. Drying paint gets bored watching him. He’s so boring you could use him to dig tunnels. And dull, boy is he ever dull. Like kindergarten scissors dull. And that’s pretty dull.

Speaking of that nose…LOL. Look, I’m no artist and I don’t regularly mock the artwork but come on, that’s just absurd. Is it really that difficult to draw different noses? It this some sort of labor-saving trick or something?

Stop Or Boy Lisa Will Shoot

Link To Today’s Action

Hey gang, it’s Epicus again, ready to steer the good ship SoSF through the treacherous waters of Boring Bay. Whenever I see I’m doing a Boy Lisa arc I shudder. Not a Les Moore shudder (shudder), of course, more like an “oh no, not THIS dullard again” sort of thing. He’s truly the Least Interesting Man In The World. And Mopey Pete isn’t exactly a bag of fireworks either, mind you. But when you see Darin you immediately know you’re in for a seriously boring ride, as pretty much every other FW character is like Action Park compared to Lisa’s bio-son. I’m surprised to see him getting this much “screen time”, as usually his infrequent appearances fizzle out after three days or so.

Anyhow, Jessica is in town to (guffaw) break the monotony and give these two idiots a respite from their incessant complaining and all-around dreariness. Good luck with that, Jess. Good thing she didn’t pop in on them while they were expressing any sort of satisfaction or happiness about anything, as it would have no doubt confused and disoriented her (as well as all regular FW readers). I assume she left that kid of theirs back home with the former Mrs. John Darling or maybe with those loveless frauds Ann and Fred, not that it really matters, as that kid is clearly destined for the same scrap heap where Rachel’s son, Wally Jr. and Crazy Harry’s missing brood currently resides.

Survival Of The Fleshiest

Today’s strip

Sigh. So THIS is what the last week’s worth of incoherent babbling and story-avoidance was all about…it was all about getting to Sunday so he could show off the latest fantasy comic book title that slowly oozed from his tortured comic book-fractured mind. It all almost kind of makes a certain degree of “sense” now. Relatively speaking, of course.

The cover itself isn’t so bad or anything, but that insert bubble is downright baffling. What’s so “exotic” about it? So it was all Brady’s idea? How does this have anything to do with the Starbuck Jones film? If you want the readers to see a particular character as a “wacko”, shouldn’t you actually show said character doing wacky things? You would assume that eventually these two stories would come together in some sort of way but nope, one went in this direction while the other one just kind of sat there doing nothing which IMO sort of defeats the entire purpose of the whole thing. If there even was a purpose, that is.