A. They’re reacting to one of Ed’s awful puns. B. They’re reacting to Ed doing $80,000 worth of damage to their house. C. A stranger just asked them if they’ve ever heard of Lisa’s Story. D. Something about comic books that everyone just instinctively knows. E. The grocery store is out of those exotic English muffins they like. F. The last Walkman on earth just broke. G. They’re deeply in love with each other, and just re-lived a major moment in their lives together down to the last detail.
On July 20, thwarted lover Eugene rowed into the middle of a lake for reasons unknown, and hasn’t been seen since.
On August 11, Tom Batiuk explained on his blog what happened to Eugene. It’s called writing. Let’s dissect:
I take flack now and then from fans(?)
I didn’t put that (?) there. Tom Batiuk did. This may be the first time he has acknowledged the idea that his readers might not be “fans” in the traditional sense. Though I think he’s implying that anyone who would question his writing is not actually a fan. All criticism is a mortal offense to Tom Batiuk, and he makes you guess what he’s upset about. No wonder he likes Les so much.
who are perplexed and flummoxed by the fact I deliberately try not to engage in linear storytelling.
I’m mostly perplexed by this sentence. The man is simply incapable of saying anything straightforwardly. Try it with me now: “I consciously avoid linear storytelling.” When your writing is so bad I have to decipher it, it doesn’t matter how linear or non-linear you are.
My Dinner With Andre was a 1981 movie starring Wallace “Inconceivable!” Shawn, and director Andre Gregory. The entire movie is a restaurant-table conversation between the jaded, frustrated Shawn and the happier, new age-y Gregory, about their lives in the theater. Gregory recounts his very strange adventures, like experimental theater deep in the forests of Poland (when it was still a People’s Republic). Gregory argues that these experiences made him feel more human, more fulfilled, and better at his job. Shawn counters that most people don’t have the means to go lengthy journeys of self-discovery, and finds satisfaction in small things instead.
In Crankshaft this week, Tom Batiuk is having this conversation with himself. (And probably for the next two weeks as well.)
Last week’s Crankshaft was the same as Crankshaft in late August, 2023. Kind of.
At the time, two different sets of strips ran in the same week. One was about Ed causing wildfires that only ran on arcamax.com, and supposedly also in a handful of newspapers. Most newspapers, and online providers, got a benign series of disconnected strips, much like the miscellaneous weeks Tom Batiuk often does at the end of the year. We never really found out why, but it was likely due to the Canadian wildfire references being “too soon” after real-life wildfires forced the evacuation of provincial capital Yellowknife, Northwest Territories.
Well, I guess it’s been long enough now. The originally-censored strips were re-run as last week’s main Crankshaft content. To this day, Tom Batiuk’s blog has not addressed the original disparity or the re-run. It’s been covering its usual subject matter: merchandise promotion, Funky Winkerbean book promotion, random comic book covers, and ancient John Darling strips. I guess he doesn’t have any book signings coming up; those usually get mentioned.
The strips re-ran almost a year later, but were also reworded to remove references to the Canadian wildfires, making them “midwestern” instead. Here was the original strip I posted at the time:
And here’s the rerun version. The first panel was completely written to “In other news… a blanket of black smoke is spreading over much of the midwest this morning, making it seem like twilight during the day!” Maybe it’s still too soon to make fun of Canada?
This is a strange choice, because Canada was only incidental to the story in the first place. Canada was an in-story red herring; the cause of the wildfire in the story was explicitly shown to be Crankshaft’s usual selfish idiocy. The problem would have been solved by just re-wording one panel that wasn’t important to the story… which eventually happened anyway!
Paradoxically, the map in the original story emphasized the fact that this smoke wasn’t happening in Canada, by the clear outline of the Great Lakes you can see in Panel 2 above. In the re-run, this panel is colored differently, in a way that makes the geography less obvious. The Great Lakes are no longer blue, and some weather map symbols have been re-colored, obscuring the recognizable shape of the United States. So it was actually less of a potshot at Canada the first time!
This is like the “no men in the choir” incident. Tom Batiuk went to the trouble of an extensive edit to fix a non-existent problem that could have been easily worded around, or even explained away with no editing required. (The “man” could have easily been a non-choir passerby.) And the edits actually made the problem worse.
So the strip was yanked, delayed, bowdlerized, all of which made it less clear. Note also that the delay was almost exactly the same as Tom Batiuk’s usual lead time: eleven months. It was August 21 of last year and July 29 of this year. Apparently that’s the length of time needed for any edit, even a re-writing of one word zeppelin.
We didn’t cover Crankshaft the week before, because it was a standard Crankshaft week and not worthy of this blog’s attention. Remember, we said at the outset we wouldn’t cover it every week. But this Monday began with the insufferable one-armed Skip Rawlings looking to interview Batton Thomas, at the comic book store. You better believe that’s getting some commentary.
Oh heavens, we’re in for a miserable week in Crankshaft aren’t we? Skip going to Komix Korner and asking DSH where to find Batton? That’s like Jar Jar Binks asking Neelix where to find Scrappy Doo.
Sunday by contrast was at least a real joke at its naissance, but crippled with clumsy execution.
Son of Stuck Funky 