Son of Stuck Funky

The Final Elimination Round

Picked me up some vintage Funky Winkerbean merch not that long ago.

Even though this shirt is only going to fit me after a crash diet or a long bout of dysentery.

I love finding this old stuff, especially Batiukiverse wearables from past decades. And, lets be real, if anyone is going to spend real world dollars developing a weirdo shrine to something they love to hate, it’s gonna be me. Maybe in another decade I’ll have an entire room dedicated to Jar Jar Binks.

This shirt has a copyright from News America Syndicate 1985. King Features Syndicate bought News America in 1986, so that date tracks.

But it means that The Eliminator merch was produced in 1985, the same year that The Eliminator character would drop off the strip almost entirely. On Sunday May 12, 1985 we got the Mother’s Day strip I showed in my last post. And then we wouldn’t see Little Limmie typing away at her computer until February 23, 1987. That’s right. Nearly two years between appearances.

*(CBH has actually seen Shatner at a convention. He nearly fell over trying to catch confetti falling from the rafters.)*

*Ah the good old days, of sentient computers, reused lineart, and fourth wall breaking meta humor; the real cancer victims.*

*(FYI, Star Trek Convention Arcs featuring Slim Whitman and E.E.T. were real things that happened.)*

*“Then he huffs some magic flowers, tries to run away to a drugged out hippie paradise, and has a fist fight with his boss.” “Yeah, still sounds about right.”*

*Obviously ‘Friday’s Child’, someone kick this poseur out.*

Act I would go on for another five years, but The Eliminator would never been seen again. Except for one little cameo in 1992, on the yearbook pages that heralded the first time skip.

The Eliminator’s Act II and III emphasis seems outsized, when I think of so many prominent Act I characters that have been well and truly memory holed, characters like Rita Wrighton, Bodean, Neal, Ginny Wolfe, even compared to characters who only got a shadow of a mention in following eras, like Barry Balderman, Junebug and Derek, Carrie, or Tracey. Many of these had dozens more strips than little Limmie. Why has she gotten to retell her story half a dozen times?

Thumbing through Act I, it’s obvious that Batiuk just followed his fancy for the most part. He’d come up with a gimmick for a character, but the longevity of said character had more to do with their ability to be incorporated easily into multiple types of jokes. Batiuk didn’t push himself with the Eliminator, didn’t think of fun ways she could interact with Les, or Cindy, or Barry or anyone else other than Crazy Harry, who already fit her niche of geeky weirdo outsider.

It’s like if Snoopy was ONLY the Red Baron, and could only EVER be shown flying an imaginary plane atop a doghouse.

The Eliminator is kinda like Boba Fett I guess. Showed up for five seconds in the originals, did almost nothing, but was instantly iconic just because of a helmet. So now we’re forced to explore their retconned past and puffy, gross, boring future for decades and decades after.

Lucy’s Story

This week’s post will be an installment of This Week In Act IV, and also a historical deep dive into a past Funkyverse tale.

Crankshaft has been revisiting the Lillian-Lucy-Eugene love triangle. The week ended today with Eugene sailing a boat solo into the waters of Summit Lake, a real place in Akron. The story looks like it continues into next week, so we’re not going to cover it all today.

I say “we” because this post is very much a team effort between Comic Book Harriet and myself. There will be at least one follow-up to this post, even if the Crankshaft story ends at this point. (It’s hard to imagine how a story can end with an old man boating into a lake by himself, but Batiuk gonna Batiuk.)

We must also give an assist to Comics Curmudgeon guest host “Uncle Lumpy”, who made the definitive comment about this story 13 years ago.

Eugene, Lucy — this is not romantic, touching, or poignant. It is stupid, and you two deserve exactly what you got.
https://joshreads.com/2011/10/friday-post-3/

Eliminating the Obstacles

Taking a break from Batiuk’s little nonsensical trip down memory lane in Crankshaft sounds nice, right?

So how about continuing our little nonsensical trip down memory lane in Act I Funky Winkerbean, following the Sweet Polly Oliver of the arcade consoles, The Eliminator.

After the one-off strip in June 1983 that just rehashed the already broken-in joke of the arcade cabinets in Montoni’s being afraid of The Eliminator’s skills, we next get the weeklong Return of the Jedi arc I covered this May. So I won’t reprint it all here. But from July 26th to July 30th, 1983, we were treated to the little brat using her stolen helmet to budge in line for tickets and snacks. Probably ruining the experience for everyone around her by blipping in and out of the theater during the movie itself, like a proto-zoomer doomscrolling DoorDash during Dune.

*Did I ever tell you guys that I went to the Transformers ’07 movie five times in theaters? And even I find this excessive.*

Cup Holder Week Has Been Cancelled

I had so much to say about this week in Crankshaft.

Why did the week start with a holy war against cup holders and fancy armrests?
Why are fancy armrests an issue when you can simply ignore them if you don’t want to use them?
Who hates fancy armrests so much they’d choose a movie theater just because they don’t offer them?
Why are these the same seats the Valentine Theater had before it closed down, became a strip club, and re-opened? Was this some kind of 1940s strip club? (Knowing Tom Batiuk’s tastes, it probably was.)
Why did Crankshaft and Mary Marzipan enter the theater after Max and Hannah were cleaning it up, something you would do at the end of the night? What non-existent customers even made this mess?
Who did Ed and Mary pay for their ticket? Did they just walk into the theater?
Why are they on a date (confirmed by Mary) when she broke up with him in 2010? We haven’t seen Mary since her “bus driver PTSD“, at which time she and Ed were not depicted as a couple.
Who’s watching Max and Hannah’s small child?
Why is the theater down to two customers when it looked like this three weeks ago? How the hell is this theater viable?
Why have they already stopped showing Starbuck Jones III? Could they only afford one screening? Did it bomb harder than Rise of Skywalker?
How is this even a prank? Shouldn’t a prank confuse or mislead you? All he had to do was look at the sign.
Could Max and Hannah be any more boring, even compared to other couples in this boring universe?

Process of Elimination.

Heya all my beautiful Nitters of the Beady-Eyed Variety!

After a week that saw me travelling deep into the blistering inferno of drenching sweat, blinding sunshine, and endless Cracker Barrels known as the American Southeast, I’m back and ready to continue the deep dive on our favorite gender-nonconforming computer whiz, The Eliminator.

After their two week introductory arc that started July 12, 1982 (Happy 42nd Birthday Eliminator!), they pop up again for a Sunday strip on September 12, where the focus was still completely centered on Vidya games and pop culture.