Son of Stuck Funky

And So It Begins

Good news, everyone! We’re not going to have a week of airline jokes!

No, because it turns out that Funky has cancer!

I don’t know what to say about this one. Probably something like–

“Look, Mr. Batiuk, you didn’t get a Pulitzer award when you killed Lisa, and you’re not going to win one (or even be nominated) for killing off Funky.”
“Mr. Batiuk, if you want to kill off one of your main characters, Les Moore is right there for the taking. You could draw it out slowly. Hell, I’d buy that volume.”
“Why are all the professional people in your comics portrayed as callous and uncaring? If that’s from a personal story, maybe you should tell that one.”

Personally, I have a feeling this isn’t going to amount to anything. Probably Funky had a donut in his pocket, or someone spilled coffee on an x-ray…something along those lines. Because the way this strip operates, nothing can ever change. Les can never let go of Lisa. The Starbuck Jones movie can never be finished. The groan-a-day format is too deeply ingrained in this strip for anything to actually, you know, happen.

People have noted in previous comments how much Tom Batiuk seems to utterly, clutchingly despise Funky. There isn’t a single regular character who gets as much concentrated vitriol as Funky; this must be especially perplexing to new readers, who can see in Les, Dinkle, DHS John, Darrin and many others, much more suitable targets for ire.

Bonus content! Fearless Leader has done what I fell asleep trying to do–he’s found the Dallas Super Clinic!

The Early Worm Waits For The Bird

Link to today’s strip.

Oh My God, we’re not doing a whole week of airport hijinks, are we? Yesterday, when I said Tom Batiuk could use the extra Sunday panels to explain and elaborate, I was kidding.

I’ve been a reader here since around the time Les went to Kilimanjaro, and I don’t recall anything about Funky’s obsession with arriving early, at the airport or anywhere else. Funky gives the impression of someone lazy beyond description; being early and being lazy aren’t really things that mix well in a character. Oh well, as I say, consistency of character is not this strip’s strong suit.

I’m hoping we’re not going to have to deal with airline food jokes, and lost luggage jokes, and the kind of cliched garbage that has been the forte of comedians since the Wright brothers. But I have a feeling we are. Yaugh.

First Thing You Learn Is That You Always Gotta Wait

Link to today’s strip.

So, Funky and Holly are off to a “super clinic” which, in the limited research I did, is a place where they focus less on treating disease and more on maintaining health. Given that they are two of the unhealthiest looking people in the strip, this is probably a good idea, but it’s also a given that Funky would rather eat donuts than exercise so I’m not sure why he’s concerned about his health at all.

This episode is a very good example of a three-panel strip being stretched past the breaking point to fit it into a Sunday slot. Tom Batiuk could easily have used some of those panels to explain the context beyond “annual physicals.” An “annual physical” sounds like something a local doctor could do–why are they flying to Dallas for this? Why Dallas in particular? Gotta get to that 50th, I guess.

Is Cory still living with them? I guess so. Being in the army must have hardened him to withstand the tub of misery and failure that is Funky; I’m pretty sure I couldn’t stay in the same house with that guy. The negativity would make me wish my health would deteriorate rapidly. If he is living with them, wouldn’t he already know about this trip? You know, like, several weeks ago they could have told him they were going to be out of town, he was going to be on his own for a few days, things like that.

Actually, I can fully believe that no one in this house talks to anyone else. It just seems out of whack to be the normal state.

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…sorry about that. This strip is so boring I fell asleep and knocked my head on the keyboard. Say, do you suppose that’s how Tom Batiuk comes up with his jokes?

The Man Who Knew To Munch

Link to today’s strip.

Wow, that Dr. Harry L. Dinkle character sure is multi-talented! Here’s the third seminar he’s chaired during this convention, and each one has been on a different subject. In the first he taught some infants how to conduct, in the second he taught people how to be colossal dicks, and here he’s…wait a minute. “Band Candy Fundamentals”?! Seriously? Could there possibly be an entire clinic devoted to band candy?

Or–and stay with me here–or is this an actual joke? About how there are all these clinics and symposia and seminars, and a lot of them are just trivial and could easily be replaced by simple common sense?

I’m going to go with “that is the joke.” Because the actual words in Dinkle’s mouth in that last panel make no sense to me–though the folks in the front row seem to find it hilarious…in a kind of sinister way, I must note. “Conflict Chocolate.” I’m guessing it’s a pun based on something, though that particular something eludes me. A movie or TV show, maybe, or some specialized band conductor’s magazine. Or some long forgotten Superman comic book–or better yet, a story from The Flash.

I sure hope this is it for a while from Harry L. Dinkle, PhD. I’ll give the week this much credit: out of all the strips comprising Harry’s visit to the OMEA, only one had someone praising Dinkle. That’s got to be a first. Thank you, Tom Batiuk, for that Herculean level of restraint. I hope it didn’t hurt too much.

Pizzacato

Link to today’s strip.

Dr. Harry L. Dinkle, professional dumbass. Just yesterday in real-time, but just a few minutes ago in strip-time, he discussed pizza as a fundraising tool–especially how you can use someone else’s pizza to make them miserable. And now he’s astonished to find pizza itself on the convention floor? Well, apparently he can’t remember anything for more than a few seconds. I guess that’s why he’s not following his own advice and churlishly reading the pamphlet.

One thing I am curious about–is this particular strip supposed to be funny? Or poignant? Or educational? Does it serve any purpose whatsoever except as one more step on the way to the 50th? Because I’ll be damned if I can find any content in this at all.

I don’t have any hatred for Tom Batiuk–in fact, I wish him all the luck in the world with his work. I just wish he’d try every now and then. But all the strips in recent months just seem to be one big nothing after another big nothing. It’s difficult for me to even get angry at the strip–it’s just so boring, such a squandered opportunity. He could tell interesting stories with this cast if he didn’t (apparently) believe that everything has to be miserable to be taken seriously.

What’s so great about being taken seriously?

Oh well. How about another Crankshaft! Funny how my phone hasn’t rung with an offer yet.