I Thought Nothing Was Supposed to be Something

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Nothing really surprising here, as Tom Batiuk takes one baby step at a time through this latest arc.  To be fair, that’s how most continuity-based newspaper strips work–Newspaper Spider-Man moves at a pace that’s positively glacial.  However, when your “action” consists of one sitting person joined by another, it is possible to move a little too slowly.  You want people sitting on the edge of their seats, not sitting back and snoring softly in the afternoon sun.

I’d be remiss in my duties if I didn’t point out two pretty amazing things in today’s episode.  In panel one, we have a small potted plant that is absolutely black–a darkness so complete that it seems no light can reflect from its shriveled, defeated leaves.

Not really that surprising, given that it has spent its lonely life in the Winkerbean household.  But next to that, we have a tea-pot that has apparently phased part-way through the top of the shelf and is now embedded forever within the wood.   There are some comic book characters who can do this, perhaps Tom Batiuk was thinking of them when he drew this.

Monday, March 10th

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Greetings, folks, BChasm back for another round.  I found myself a bit startled when Epicus mentioned that I was next in line, and as the panic set in, I wondered if I could schedule some emergency surgery, or join the army, or something…but no, duty calls, and the Moon is a harsh mistress.

Today’s episode was not available for preview, so we can all speculate until the wondrous onset of midnight, when all will be revealed.  Will it be more of Cindy’s woeful career, or another quest for an issue of Starbuck Jones, or will both these recent plotlines be abandoned to bring us something else?  One thing you can say about Funky Winkerbean is that it’s really pretty unpredictable.

It’s just unpredictable in a really, really lame way.  What way beckons from the pallid rim of midnight?

Let’s find out together.

UPDATE:  And it looks like those who had Cory in the Dead Pool are about to get their payoff!  Maybe.  Whatever resolution this new arc will have, it will be better in the imagining than in the actual.

What Is It Good For?

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So if I told you that one of the weekly Sunday funnies contained a Nazi land mine, how long would it take you to realize it had to be a FW strip? In fact, I would venture a guess that FW has contained more land mine-centric plots than every other daily strip combined. Anyhow, the “you must love Cory” campaign continues today as Holly and Fatso toss and turn over the Courageous Corporal’s dangerous army assignment…again… as Cory’s disembodied army head hovers above them, silently judging the parenting skills that landed him in the explosive ordnance disposal detail, his snappy army helmet hiding his beady felonious eyes. I have no idea how long a modern stint in the army usually lasts but Batom is clearly enjoying this, so my guess is that Holly’s silent terror over Cory will be a semi-regular feature for a while. Hilarious.

I sort of enjoyed the comic cover tribute today, as I used to read loads of those war comics as a kid. Sgt. Rock…now THERE was a guy you didn’t f*ck with. That unit would have eaten Cory’s dumb ass alive. In fact, if Cory had been in Rock’s unit I believe “Dumbass” would have been a fitting nickname. Either that or “Petty Thief”.

It’s been quite a wild two weeks, but now it’s time to pass the SoSF baton to your old pal Beckoning Chasm for a spell. Stay Funky and see you next time!!!

Mostly Misses

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While most comic strip artists would be content to allow their readers to assume that a mug would contain a hot beverage, that’s not enough for the creative team at Batom Inc. They’re going to make goddamned sure that you KNOW that shit is hot, via the ingenious use of the steam line. It’s those kinds of little nuances that really make up for the glaring lack of an interesting story.

The corner-thingy sepia-toned faux-flashback helps too, as the reader is forced to stare at it for an inordinate amount of time in a vain attempt to figure out the point, thus distracting them from the glacial pace and general pointlessness of the whole thing. We do have the SoSF forensics team working around the clock to figure out what that point is and as soon as we get the results we’ll post them. But don’t hold your breath.

Brilliant nuance and story-avoidance aside, two things really stand out about this one. First there’s the laughable dialog masquerading as wry banter, but you’ll get that on any weekday I suppose. Funky’s peculiar poses are more difficult to explain, especially given how Funky has been featured quite a bit lately. You’d think the drawings would get MORE consistent when he’s using the character more often but nope, it obviously doesn’t work that way around here. In panel one he appears to have been lobotomized and in panel three he’s morphing into kindly-but-dimwitted grandpa mode. And in panel two, he’s Wally. It’s just all over the freaking place, man.

“Hit or miss”…I’m wracking my brain trying to think of even one small thing that could possibly be construed as even being close to a “hit” in Funky’s post-Cindy life and all I can come up with is the time Cell Phone Girl “hit” his car. Well, at least he still has his bland, pitifully self-effacing sense of “humor” about his nightmarish delusion of a life. I think those two will definitely rekindle the romance after Holly is killed by a landmine (aka “bouncing betty”) while delivering Corporal Cory’s Comic Collection in Afghanistan. In fact, the first thing Funky should do is fit her for an apron.

Lube Job

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Oh my, that Batiukian wit! See, if they smear Vaseline (REGISTERED TRADEMARK) on the camera lens, Cindy won’t appear so weathered, haggard and disgusting, thus she might be able to scrape out a few more undignified years of grunt work before she overdoses on pills and booze…in the apartment above Montoni’s, no doubt. Man, that is SO FUNNY and not just because it’s a contemporary issue like the ones you and I face every day, but because a once-beautiful TV personality who’s been told she’s not beautiful anymore…ha ha ha. How’s it feel now, little miss high school popularity queen, huh? Your god is a vengeful and spiteful god, Cindy.

Since being informed that she was being fired from her prestigious high-profile TV gig for showing signs of aging, Cindy has thus far managed to skulk back to her old high school haunt to find her ex-husband so she can sleep on his couch. Such a strong female character, eh? The only one of the lot to escape from the death grip of that God-forsaken town is back and she’s just like the rest of them: a weary, beaten husk of a human being sitting in that awful pizza place, exchanging wry banter about how shitty everything is. And she’s aged twenty years since she walked (much to Holly’s surprise) through the door. Just an absolute tour de force of human misery and woe. Take note, Pulitzer commitee.