Tag: archive deep dive

Tribulations and Trials

DCH John Howard is charged with heinous comics crimes! CBH is on the case! I am highly qualified to provide legal commentary and counsel on this fictional court room drama. Below, a list of my qualifications.

1.) My friend is a lawyer.

2.) I have a working internet connection, and am not afraid of the CIA seeing my search history.

3.) My mom has 60% of the OJ Simpson Trial recorded on VHS.

4.) I once got two speeding tickets in one week.

So I am READY. I am KNOWLEDGEABLE.

Let me flash some of that sweet sweet knowledge!

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Book It!

Took me forever to realize that these lumpy headed monsters were supposed to be buckeyes. Makes Ayer’s 2021book festival art look like a a masterpiece.

As Y. Knott, Duck of Death, and our other Crankshaft correspondents have informed us, Lillian is currently at the Ohioana Book Festival, which is going on for realsies this weekend. I briefly had considered going, (seriously,) just for a wacky vacation road trip with a wacky destination. I’ve already forced my housemate, partner-in-crime, and heterosexual life partner, to promise that someday we’ll do a fun Funky tour. But we couldn’t go this year due to the very following crucial factors:

1.) Cows.

Still, probably would have been a low-key fun time. Especially since I’m pretty easy to please.

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Morally Bankrupt

I just know that when I’m on my deathbed, I’ll be lamenting that portion of my lifetime that I spent contemplating Funky Winkerbean. 

TF Hackett, April 12, 2023.
(Don’t give in TFH! We all know that these weren’t wasted moments, hating together with friends!)
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