Cayla – Page 38 – Son of Stuck Funky

Long Arm of the Lawn

Or, even better, Long Yarn of the Yawn.

I remember reading Dick Tracy years ago, and a retired police chief had opened a gardening supply store named Lawn Order. I thought that was pretty clever, as puns go.

This? This isn’t clever. I bet there are hundreds of tree-care folks who use this as an actual slogan. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me at all of Tom Batiuk was driving around, spotted this on the side of a truck, and thought Well, there’s a daily strip right there.

I don’t know what is more sad. That Tom Batiuk did twenty years of gag-a-day strips, and thirty years of bland garbage, or that he actually thinks those thirty years are what will constitute his fame.

(Yes, in the “thirty years” I’m including from now to March, 2022. That’s the only endpoint left here.)

For Leaf Closure

Link to today’s strip.

Dear Mr. Batiuk–

Look, we get it. You killed off one of your favorites to win a prize, and when you didn’t win that prize, you’ve tasted ashes and been filled with regrets ever since.

But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead, and you need to stop bringing her back. Either that, or finally give Cayla a small bit of dignity and have her divorce Les for “irreconcilable differences.” She can even make puns on the way out the door. Then Les (and Summer) can wallow in Lisa memories until March 2022.

She’s not poignant. She’s not insightful, or funny, or even interesting. Les’ continued need for her makes him look even more pathetic than he actually is. Here’s the thing: The more you bring her back, the less special her death becomes.

It’s like the dork who finally gets a laugh with one of his dumb jokes, so he repeats it endlessly until everyone was sorry they laughed in the first place. And they wonder why they laughed at all.

One thing I’m sure of. I’m willing to bet real money that the Pulitzer Committee is not reading this strip and thinking, Wow, we really made a mistake. This is great stuff. Let’s award him a do-over prize! No, like most of humanity, they’re not reading this strip at all. And if they did, they’d think, Wow, we were lucky on that one. How did we even nominate this? Were we drunk?

We get it. “Lisa’s Story” was your crowning achievement. Typically, when one has a crowning achievement, one retires. Otherwise, as one’s crowning achievement recedes more and more into the distance, that crowning achievement begins to look a lot less like the result of talent and more the result of blind luck. And one ends up as one of those sad old people whose every sentence begins with, “Hey remember when I…”

If Ever I Would Leaf You

Lisa’s beloved autumn leaves are falling so heavily that it’s all Les can do to keep up. Especially with arms that are barely thicker than the handle of the rake he’s holding. The Other Woman, properly chastised and accepting of her secondary status, presents Les with Lisa’s third-party hug along the second ~~tape~~ DVD. Her dazed grin signifies her complete submission to the Will of Lisa’s ghost. Les, meanwhile, appears startled that eighteen years after her death, Lisa’s recorded nagging continues.

Tell Him It’s from Me

Um, not really. It’s also been watched by Crazy Harry and, at least in part, by Summer. Perhaps exhausted after delivering a lecture that’s gone from genial, to threatening, to condescending, today Lisa brings it all to a rather conspiratorial close. Speaking of Crazy Harry, I thought that this “found footage” that you, I, and Cayla have been suffering through was an “Easter egg” that Crazy happened upon:

Sunday, 9/20:

But it’s pretty clear that Lisa meant for this, and “the second tape”, to be viewed. And heeded.

Death-Les

Well, that escalated quickly! Well, maybe not quickly: I mean, who knows how long Cayla’s been sitting dutifully, paying rapt attention to her late predecessor’s condescending blather? But today, Lisa’ creepy claws come out as she threatens Cayla from beyond the grave. Where the hell does she get off? Is “Our Les” such a pathetic, cringing little milksop that he needs his first wife’s ghost to fight his battles? Don’t answer that…