Cayla – Page 8 – Son of Stuck Funky

Bully For You

SIGH…not this asshole again. What’d I ever do to BatYam to deserve this? Oh, yeah…that’s right! Sigh.

You’d think that after thirty years Les would have settled into a routine of sorts, but apparently the trauma he suffered back in 1986 still resonates every September, like clockwork. Because high school forever defines us, you see, and back in high school Les was an anxiety-ridden simpering pud, so there you go. Kind of makes you wonder why he decided to spend his entire teaching career at the scene of the crime, so to speak, but logic has never been BatYam’s strong suit (guffaw). At least Cayla looks properly annoyed in panel two instead of looking on stupidly like she usually does. Sigh. You NEVER follow up a major Les arc with a Les “slice o’ life” arc…NEVER. You go with a lite & breezy Funky or Crazy Harry arc in that situation, not more Les.

Say Good Riddance To Hollywood

Link To Today’s Strip

Now I don’t want to jinx us or anything, but it appears that the Big Cancer Movie mega-arc is finally, mercifully over. If you had “Marianne gets breast cancer” in the “how will this arc end?” pool, please stop by the home office in Secaucus to claim your prize (a World’s Greatest Band Director key ring) on any even-numbered Tuesday between 11AM and 11:10 AM. Print out a copy of your comment and please bring four forms of ID.

Suddenly Les, who used to despise Hollywood with every fiber of his being, is suddenly wistful over seeing the famous “Hollywood” sign that Marianne nearly jumped from, possibly because yet another mundane and anti-climactic part of his stupid life is now behind him or possibly because he’s pondering how he’d feel right now if Marianne HAD jumped, the cancer movie had never been made and Marianne didn’t so thoroughly embody the role of Lisa. Either way, who gives a shit?

Coming tomorrow: Les’ plane is shot down over Lake Oahe by an errant Air National Guard Sidewinder missile. It spins in. There are no survivors.

Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Smug Bearded Image

Link To The Strip

“Galoot”??? Les Moore is not a “galoot”. Bull was a galoot, Buck was a galoot, even Funky could be a galoot. But Les is a somewhat effete bearded dick with ears and there’s nothing even remotely galootish about him. And Cayla is like what, forty-five or so? Why would she be using slang that fell out of fashion thirty years before she was born? Sigh.

So Les, courtesy of his great artistic gifts and his wife’s untimely death, saved a life and not just any life, mind you, but a FAMOUS PERSON’S life, which is worth like five or six regular lives, at least. This is so mawkish it’s hard to believe an adult wrote it, and it’s so self-reverential it could have only sprung from the pen of one man. Then, on top of everything else, he actually has Les’ current, still-living wife grant him permission to hug other women, as long as Lisa is somehow involved, which is just too distressing and too disturbing for words. Les isn’t merely the most detestable character in the entire history of fiction, he’s a deeply twisted psychological disaster area too, trapped as he is in a bizarre relationship amalgam with Lisa, Calya and the stupid book of his.

It’s all too much, which is what we all say after a few days of Dick Facey’s irritating shenanigans. As far as “Lisa’s Story” stories go, this one was a real corker all right. Women getting breast cancer, women starring in movies about women getting breast cancer, women who secretly lusted after Les in high school, women thanking Les Moore for saving their lives, other women looking on approvingly, this one really had it all. It’s a wild wish-fulfillment fantasy and an obnoxious victory lap all in one.

My God, Pukey

Link To The One Today

Thanks to BC and everyone who kept steering the S.S. SoSF since my last stint! You’re the heroes the funny pages need.

It’s Self-Deprecation Guy himself, the actor who KNOWS he sucks, Mason Jarre! This guy needs to work with Kevin Smith, like pronto. He could mail in a performance as “Boss Who Doesn’t Give A Shit” in “Clerks 6 – The Clerkening”. Seriously though, the whole unbearably humble “my career is a big joke” shtick got old last week, so this is just typical BatYam overkill. It’s somewhat interesting how BatYarn uses this kid of wry self-deprecation to paint Mason as being a “nice guy”, as if the readers wouldn’t like him as much if he happened to be proud of his career. Everyone in the strip does it all the time, so it seems normal by Funkyverse standards but when you think about it, it’s kind of a strange world view.

Also of note: Cayla’s status as one of if not the biggest rube in the strip. It’s pretty funny how Mason unintentionally tells her as much, too. But not intentionally funny, of course, as we simply cannot have that. We all assumed she was remarkably easy to please way back when she first started (gak) dating Les, but now we know for sure.

A Dose of Clapboard

Link to today’s strip.

Look at Les in the masthead. He’s really punchable today. His expression seems to say “Hm, I sure hope everyone is noticing that I am a genius, and really super sensitive. Maybe if I stand like this…”

Oh, let’s just cut to the chase. Criswell Predicts: Lisa’s Story will open at the Valentine. (It’ll premier between stripper acts.) It’ll be a massive critical success, but only earn a mild box office return. Because no one can appreciate a story of this depth and breadth. It may ruin someone’s career–I’m betting Marianne Winters, because of the parallels. She might have to move in with Mason and Cindy! No, no, that would involve drama. More than likely she’ll hole up in a tiny terrible apartment for sixty or seventy years. Also, the Valentine will have to close again because pity-fest (“Say, people turned out for that Lisa movie. Maybe we should run another movie. How about Radio Ranch?”)

Blah blah blah…these two weeks have been a slog. Les stories are almost always rough going, especially since “Lisa’s Story” can’t be far behind. And when it’s not just Les and his angst, but people fawning over him–ecch. Every day ends with a Tums festival.

Any time Batiuk thinks he’s heading into award bait, it gets ponderous. Look at this arc: it’s a party, for goodness sake, it should be light and fun, instead it’s like watching people rot into skeletons. I recognize that Batiuk feels “Lisa’s Story” should have won him acclaim, but it didn’t, and it’s time for him to stop congratulating himself, and stop demonizing the forces that (he thinks) didn’t “get it.”

Ahem, pardon me. As for today, the main thing that strikes me (since it’s front-and-center) is the clapboard in panel four. I think it’s supposed to be a clever allusion to the date of the strip–and it’s correct as far as month and day go. But what does “16” refer to? The film stock used to make this terrible, terrible movie?

Speaking of Marianne Winters, here she is, standing really close to Mason…and Cindy’s nowhere to be seen. Are we gonna get another jealous explosion? Ah, probably not, as that would detract from Lisa’s Story and, more importantly, Les.

And, that is it for me folks. Tune in tomorrow, when your host will be the lovely and gracious Epicus Doomus. See you then!

Links: cat in a dilemma (of its own making).

Cat is fascinated by straw.

Animation: an oldie but a goldie, Henry Eats.