Tag: Cindy

Dashing in Darin, Outrageously Blaring

SURPRISE!
Today’s strip features Mason’s evil twin, back from his supposed death at the La Brea Tar Pits.

Wait, sorry, that’s not right. HERE AS EXPECTED! It’s Durwood, who we should have expected because TB has taken a major interest in him this year. He’s been a major player in 6 story arcs in 2015 (based on mentions in SOSF’s excellent arc-by-arc summaries), more than Crazy, Lefty, Dinkle, Owen and Cody… as many as Summer and Cayla got combined, and they essentially shared two of theirs. Every single one of these appearances deals with essentially one thing, by the way, his ability to illustrate comics and storyboards. Yet, we have not once actually seen this ability in the entirety of Act III.

SURPRISE! Pop quiz!
When returning to your hometown for Christmas or some other holiday occasion, whom do you visit first?

A. The wife and child you left behind to move west for work, the former whom you haven’t seen in nearly a month and the latter whom you haven’t seen since August.

B. The parents who adopted you and raised you from infancy, one of whom is crippled and surely difficult for the other to take care of.

C. Your former high school teacher who was married to your biological mother and who allowed you to live in his house for quite a while when you and your wife returned to town. Your half-sister may or may not be there too.

D. Your former boss and landlord and his wife at their dingy pizza joint.

Schmaltz of the Foulers

I honestly don’t know how to read today’s strip. Really, no idea at all.

I suspect TB wants us to take Cindy’s overly maudlin metaphor and Funky’s seemingly-pleased reaction to it at face value, something that is rather difficult to do if you have a history of reading this strip. Funky and Holly are fairly amicable ex-es these days, but simply knowing that they are ex-es opens this up to interpretations such as Cindy rubbing her new beau in Funky’s face or Funky’s “So Mason’s the one?” being delivered with sneering sarcasm (“I was the one once too…” he mutters under his breath). Understanding that this takes place in the thoroughly unpleasant Batiukverse makes these alternate interpretations seem even more likely, as they fit the generally sour mood of this strip.

I’m actually more interested in the conversation going on at the other side of the room. Presumably, Mason is complimenting Holly on the Christmas decorations she bought at Dollar General 5 years ago, but maybe he’s just really excited about seeing a flat, printed cut-out of Santa Claus. Perhaps he is showing her the pose he does on the Starbuck Jones movie poster. Or maybe I just start inventing background stories when TB’s writing doesn’t hold my interest…

A Jarr-ing Announcement

Cindy and Mason’s reason for visiting Westview during the time around the winter solstice that is celebrated by certain faiths and cultures but not by others and all of these people are okay so please don’t sue the school board* is perhaps more clear in today’s strip.

Yes, she’s now engaged to a big Hollywood picture star and has come back to Westview to rub it in the face of her schlubby ex-husband at the very pizzeria he refused to leave in order to remain with her. Or maybe she hasn’t come back to rub it in and is just appallingly tone-deaf to how this looks to every person on the planet with common manners.

The real story today, though, is the mug on Cindy’s finance…

– I propose that every joke ever written about someone asking a horse “why the long face?” be modified to replace the horse with Mason Jarr.

– Mason Jarr once voiced an animated banana in a Dole commercial. Test audiences thought it was live-action.

– If you order Ronco’s 25 piece cutlery set in the next 20 minutes, you receive Mason Jarr’s face for free (just pay processing and handling).

– If Mason Jarr is seen in profile at an airport, he is confiscated by the TSA.

– When Mason Jarr played football, he would borrow Tony Zendejas’ helmet in a vain effort to better protect his chin.

* Also, kudos to principal Nate Green for supplying me with the student handbook-approved terminology for this time of year.

Thy king-dumb come

Oh, theres no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter how you read today’s strip
When you pine for the weather of decent days
For the holidays, you’d best avoid the trip

I met a couple who lives in Hollywood
They were headin’ for, Ohio, and some awful pizza pie
From Ohio, folks aren’t travelin’ too quickly or too far
From Garfield Heights to Brunswick, gee, the traffic’s nonexistent

Oh, there’s no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter if you’ve moved away high or low
If you want to be happy in any little ways
For the holidays, it’s best to just not go

All Bi Myself

Today’s weak and somewhat offensive gag is one of those that works only when read, not when spoken; that is, “bipolar” is usually not pronounced with an ellipsis after the first syllable. Unless Cindy already is suspicious of Mason’s heterosexuality, and has prepared and rehearsed her acceptance in anticipation of his coming out. “Oh, well there’s nothing…that a little taste of my sweet sweet jelly roll can’t cure!” Still, the revelation of his mental disorder comes as a relief by comparison.

Perennial FW bit player Bald Guy with Hipster Glasses returns!