Tag: Cindy

Spoiler Alert: She Fails

In today’s strip, old Cindy ’fesses up to self-loathing, and, astoundingly, tries to offer her previous self some good advice. Because she clearly doesn’t remember this encounter and hasn’t overcome her self-esteem issues, it’s clear that the advice will fail to take root in the past.

This takes place within earshot of the Funkies Winkerbean, so mortification, if not humor, will surely ensue.

Also, the gym has been replaced by a nondescript grey gradient for the last week. Has anyone else noticed that they’re enveloped in a dull miasma? Anyone?

In Which Cindy Has Lied to Her Teenage Self

“But you’re a star TV news anchor and everything!” teen Cindy exclaims to old, worn-out Cindy in today’s strip. “How can you not be happy?”

Last time I checked, Cindy was a former local news anchor, who had previously been a has-been national anchor, and who was now the news anchor for a semi-professional blog in Los Angeles. So the conversation these two selves had moments ago wasn’t exactly accurate, if you receive my meaning.

Paging Le Chat Bleu

Today’s strip poses the existential, time-travel-convoluted question “Am we happy?”—or is that “Are I happy?”

Clearly Cindy will never have read The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking, which you’d think would be required reading at Westview High, were it not for the ban on happiness of any kind, and probably the school levy failing.

Although… Cindy ought to be happy, given that her female existence has been validated by Mason Jarr, a man, coming into her life.

“And Im Livinia, the only girl in this strip but what women’s lib doesn’t know won’t hurt ’em!”
Just ask Livinia what the worth of a woman is! (Detail from inaugural FW strip, 27 March 1972.)

Mason arrived in Cindy’s life inexplicably, I might add, but needn’t, because everything in Funky Winkerbean is inexplicable. You know what else is inexplicable?

  • It’s still the evening of July 5. Talk about time paradoxes!
  • The older versions of the characters don’t remember this event (except possible Crazy Harry).
  • The older versions of the characters offer no useful advice. Here’s a thought for title character Funky Winkerbean: “Hey, kid, you don’t know it yet, but you’re an alcoholic; please don’t ever touch the stuff!” (Alternatively: “Kid, my advice is to start drinking heavily!”)
  • Young Funky doesn’t recognize old Funky from the Starbuck Jones–cellphone girl incident.

So… Cindy is going to be the latest character to be revealed—mirabile dictu—to suffer from depression, or self-doubt, or impostor syndrome. Why isn’t Le Chat Bleu there to taunt her?

A Brief History Of Banality

Link to today’s stupidity

“Hello, Mason? You’ll never believe this, but I was just talking to my younger self! No, I’m not drunk, they had a time pool in Crazy’s locker and…hello? Mason?”

The Browns gag isn’t that bad but otherwise yikes, this is some of the worst dialog I’ve ever seen in FW, which isn’t saying much as I make that statement at least twice a week. It’s almost as if Batom dreamed up the premise, then kicked back with a non-alcoholic craft brew, then suddenly realized that “hey, I still need a story here!”. Then he threw together whatever came to mind first. Cell phones, Facebook, massive weight gain…yup,that covers the last thirty seven years all right. Sigh. Too bad they don’t award Pultizers for premises that never go anywhere, otherwise TB would be at Home Depot every weekend buying new shelving.

I would figure that Mary Sue might be a little more surprised to be speaking to Lisa, especially given that she just put together the memorial board (featuring Lisa) a few weeks ago. But instead she’s chatting with her about cell phones as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to be talking to a young version of a woman who died eighteen years ago. Fat, stupid AND boring…boy, Batiuk REALLY has it in for those “popular girls” from high school, eh?

And speaking of Lisa, it’s absolutely flabbergasting that no one seems shocked, amazed or horrified that the most noteworthy dead Westviewian is suddenly dorking up the gym with her banal utterances. Perhaps they’re just so familiar with Ghost Lisa that it doesn’t merit more than a “meh” anymore. I know how THAT is. And sorry there Retcon Boy, but Lisa was never an “original” part of the WHS “gang”, nice try though.

Anyway, stay tuned as the always snarktastic Oddnoc bravely throws himself on next’s week’s grenade! Band boxes? Bedside Manor? Dead characters suddenly springing back to life? Find out with the rest of us on Monday night! Until next time…stay Funky!

Vapid Reaction

Link To Today’s Alleged “Comic Strip”

Yes Tom, we get the point: Cindy is empty-headed, vapid and (in 2015) incredibly old and run down. “Babelline”…oh, I get it. The trademark thing. We all know he can’t write for his female characters worth a damn but Cindy is especially terrible lately. That dialog is just laughably atrocious. I actually had to look up “Miss Marple“, given how I’m not really too well-versed in 1940’s pop culture trivia.

Even Young Les is looking at Now Les like he’s a world-class asshole. He’s so narcissistic that his young self didn’t do a damn thing to prevent Act III Les from existing. What a dick. Also look at how young silhouette Holly is eyeballing old Holly like “WTF?”. Now THAT’S horror.

The best thing, though, is that look of existential horror and dread on Lisa’s face as she realizes she’s dead in 2015. AND she’s right next to Les’ younger, hotter and decidedly less annoying second wife, which makes it even funnier. No wonder she ran off to drown her sorrows with Frankie and those cool kids, talk about traumatic. Seriously though, what is his intent here with Lisa? Is there any chance that this might actually go somewhere or is it just one of those freaky time anomalies that you see every now and again? Why did he even bother with including her in this at all?