Tag: Cindy

Away in the Shadows and Oncoming Dark

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I guess the idea here is that Cindy was about to say “next of kin” but caught herself at the last moment.  That seems obvious, very obvious, and I only bring it up because the ellipsis in panel two should really be followed by a double-dash in panel three.

I suppose, given how swiftly the Darkness seen yesterday pounced and surrounded her, Tom Batiuk was lucky to get any dialogue in before she was snatched into the void.

And I’m going to say that I do like the direction this arc has taken–not the trivial story elements, of course, but the way Tom Batiuk has shown each character ending up swallowed in darkness.  It’s brilliant and should happen more often.

Mostly Misses

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While most comic strip artists would be content to allow their readers to assume that a mug would contain a hot beverage, that’s not enough for the creative team at Batom Inc. They’re going to make goddamned sure that you KNOW that shit is hot, via the ingenious use of the steam line. It’s those kinds of little nuances that really make up for the glaring lack of an interesting story.

The corner-thingy sepia-toned faux-flashback helps too, as the reader is forced to stare at it for an inordinate amount of time in a vain attempt to figure out the point, thus distracting them from the glacial pace and general pointlessness of the whole thing. We do have the SoSF forensics team working around the clock to figure out what that point is and as soon as we get the results we’ll post them. But don’t hold your breath.

Brilliant nuance and story-avoidance aside, two things really stand out about this one. First there’s the laughable dialog masquerading as wry banter, but you’ll get that on any weekday I suppose. Funky’s peculiar poses are more difficult to explain, especially given how Funky has been featured quite a bit lately. You’d think the drawings would get MORE consistent when he’s using the character more often but nope, it obviously doesn’t work that way around here. In panel one he appears to have been lobotomized and in panel three he’s morphing into kindly-but-dimwitted grandpa mode. And in panel two, he’s Wally. It’s just all over the freaking place, man.

“Hit or miss”…I’m wracking my brain trying to think of even one small thing that could possibly be construed as even being close to a “hit” in Funky’s post-Cindy life and all I can come up with is the time Cell Phone Girl “hit” his car. Well, at least he still has his bland, pitifully self-effacing sense of “humor” about his nightmarish delusion of a life. I think those two will definitely rekindle the romance after Holly is killed by a landmine (aka “bouncing betty”) while delivering Corporal Cory’s Comic Collection in Afghanistan. In fact, the first thing Funky should do is fit her for an apron.

Lube Job

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Oh my, that Batiukian wit! See, if they smear Vaseline (REGISTERED TRADEMARK) on the camera lens, Cindy won’t appear so weathered, haggard and disgusting, thus she might be able to scrape out a few more undignified years of grunt work before she overdoses on pills and booze…in the apartment above Montoni’s, no doubt. Man, that is SO FUNNY and not just because it’s a contemporary issue like the ones you and I face every day, but because a once-beautiful TV personality who’s been told she’s not beautiful anymore…ha ha ha. How’s it feel now, little miss high school popularity queen, huh? Your god is a vengeful and spiteful god, Cindy.

Since being informed that she was being fired from her prestigious high-profile TV gig for showing signs of aging, Cindy has thus far managed to skulk back to her old high school haunt to find her ex-husband so she can sleep on his couch. Such a strong female character, eh? The only one of the lot to escape from the death grip of that God-forsaken town is back and she’s just like the rest of them: a weary, beaten husk of a human being sitting in that awful pizza place, exchanging wry banter about how shitty everything is. And she’s aged twenty years since she walked (much to Holly’s surprise) through the door. Just an absolute tour de force of human misery and woe. Take note, Pulitzer commitee.

My Contrivance Sense Is Tingling

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The more we see of Cindy, the older and uglier she gets. I wonder why that is? Oh, right….the hackery. Anyhoo, you can practically hear the phony canned laughter behind this trope-laden piece of crap. Old 1980’s sitcoms would have rejected this premise as being too stupid. ABC’s former longtime weekend anchor can’t score herself a hotel room in Cleveland in March? Surely there must be at least one, right? And get a load of Batom, nearly brushing up against something that could possibly be construed as an “adult situation” just like in one of them there Woodsy Allen movies they sometimes have on the cable! Why you can almost feel the cackling…I mean crackling sexual tension as these two rapidly aging former lovers engage in some playful wry banter and…..

Oh, sorry, I had to take a brief break to throw up. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the way he’s already f*cking up her hair from panel to panel…LOL. I can’t believe I’m even saying this but maybe having Cindy rent a mysterious new apartment above Montoni’s would have been a BETTER premise than this one. I mean seriously, Cindy moves in with the Winkerbeans and hilarity ensues…duh. AND another comic book reference too! Maybe Funky should try “common sense” first to see how he likes it, THEN graduate to “spidey sense”. This arc has rapidly turned into one of the biggest debacles of the year, if not the entire decade.

Hell Is Where The Home Is

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Know what would have been an even bigger surprise? If she walked in through the window or the wall or the ceiling! That is one ultra-shitty slice of dialog right there, just laughably terrible. As is Cindy’s bizarre (and awfully condescending) wordplay about ladders and her stupid NYC apartment joke. Clunkier than a big bag of hammers and twice as stupid. You’d think that the guy “authoring” this thing would at least have the common decency to wait until he’s fully awake before he starts randomly filling in the word balloons with whatever gibberish comes to mind.

Speaking of things that aren’t good, what the hell is going on with Funky’s head in panel two? What a debacle, it’s all misshapen and stuck on his body in an anatomically impossible way. If you keep staring at it it’s like an optical illusion. And why is Holly holding her hand over her heart like Cindy’s reciting the pledge? What a mess.

“Yeah, things suck for me now that I have to come back to this shitty state where you losers live but I’m still pretty well-off”. LOL wow, subtle as a punch in the face there, TomBat. Poorly drawn, terrible dialog, moronic premise…it’s the Batiukian trifecta of fail.