Trivia Train a’ pullin’ In

Link to today’s strip.

Well, it’s another Sunday time-waster starring Owen.  I recognize that’s a really redundant statement, but like that fetid chullo, there it is.

Tom Batiuk has some thoughts on the original King Kong, and he is of a mind to lecture us on its short-comings.

Let that thought sink in for a few minutes.

In preparation for today’s post, unlike Tom Batiuk, I actually sat down and watched King Kong (1933).  If you’ve never seen it…well, you probably know the plot anyway, but some of what I note below can be considered SPOILERS.

1. No one on the voyage knows they are looking for a giant ape.  Carl Denham has heard there’s “something” on Skull Island, and he knows it’s called “Kong,” but he doesn’t know what it is.

2. Furthermore, all he wants to do is photograph it.  That they end up capturing it is not the point of the voyage–that’s Denham’s last minute improvisation.  But Owen says “determined to capture” as if that was the goal.

3. Denham and crew do not see any dinosaurs “along the way.”  They don’t spot any dinosaurs until well after seeing Kong for the first time.  At this point, they’re trying to rescue Ann Darrow so they have other goals in mind than film-making or capturing animals.

3. The dinosaurs were not “small,” though some are slightly smaller than Kong (which still makes them pretty huge).  And they definitely don’t appear to be “a lot easier to capture” or easier to control.   They cause several deaths.  (Remarkably ghastly deaths for the time, too.)  Of all the dinosaurs in the film, only one can be considered “small” – a bear-sized beast that climbs up a vine in an attempt to menace John Driscoll.

These things effectively negate everything in today’s strip.

I try to keep from saying anything about Tom Batiuk personally in these posts…but this is shameful.  There are really only two explanations for this.  A – He wrote this based on vague memories of King Kong, or of the various remakes or sequels.   And he didn’t bother to watch the film again to confirm any of this.  That’s sheer laziness, especially with a year’s lead time.  B – He wrote this, then watched King Kong to see how clever and superior he was; he saw instead that he was King Wrong, but decided it didn’t matter, that no one in his audience would remember King Kong, and even if they did, they wouldn’t bother to watch it either and they’d think Tom Batiuk was some kind of film genius for poking holes in a masterpiece.  That’s sheer contempt.

I’m not sure which one is worse, to be honest.

That leads me to my final point about today’s strip –

4.  I’m not a psychiatrist, nor do I play one on television.  But the whole strip seems to be asking the question, “Why try for something unique and spectacular?  Aim for ‘good enough’ and that should be good enough.”    Why climb Mount Everest when you can climb the local dump instead?  Why go to the Moon when it’s much less dangerous to go to the mall?  Why use actual jokes and interesting characters in your comic strip, when you can just use fifth-rate puns and have people smirk to show they “get it”?

Oops…did I type that last one out loud?  Whoopsie.

The Nitwit’s Guide To The Funkyverse

Link To Today’s Strip

Owen: the dirty-looking one with the goofy hat.

Cody: Owen’s pathetic sidekick who rarely gets dialog these days.

Alex: the girl!

John: Becky’s husband, owner of Komix Korner, all-around putz. Known as Skunk Head due to the hair.

Komix Korner: Westview’s premier creepy comic book shop and main loitering spot for local losers.

Holly: Funky’s wife, slow on the uptake, needs a real hobby.

The answer to the ultimate FW question? Zero times zero equals zero.

Hmmm, when did they legalize weed in Ohio? I can’t bash this one too much as it’s an upgrade over the last two week’s worth of aimless pointless meandering. At least there’s sort of a point, kinda. Although if you’re not familiar with Douglas Adams, you’re obviously going to be lost here. But hey, they’re discussing a NON-comic NON-Les book here, so let’s just enjoy it for variety’s sake, OK? This might not happen again for years, if not decades.

No Good Deed Goes Un-Comic Booked

Link To Today’s Strip

So Holly somehow topped Chester The Chiseler’s $50,000 bid in order to repay John for helping her to acquire a bunch of Starbuck Jones comic books for nothing? And now John owes Holly at least $50,001 for the favor? Welcome to BanTom’s whacked-out comic book-centric fantasy world, where happiness is bagged, slabbed, tagged and longboxed. There’s no need to point out the gigantic logic holes here, as the entire thing is a huge logic hole. I don’t mean this story specifically, I mean the entire strip.

Get a load of Skunky’s unbridled joy upon learning that he now owes Holly a cool fifty grand. Why, he’s just like a kid whose parents put themselves into crippling debt to buy him a candy store! I certainly hope Holly hides the vodka and firearms BEFORE she informs Funky about this rather implausible development, or we’ll be re-visiting Act II before you know it.

And, uh, what happened to Dick Tracy? It’s like the big crossover never even happened, which in a way it kind of didn’t, now that I think about it. Oh well, at least it didn’t involve Les in any way, thank God.

Whole Lot Of Dumb

Link To Today’s Strip

So which premise is more unlikely? That Holly could somehow scrape together $50,001 to spend on comic books she didn’t even know about until earlier that same day or that the detective that cracked the case that eventually made the comic books available to be auctioned off in the first place would hang around for that auction AND hand-deliver the comics to the auction winner whom he doesn’t even know? If you answered “both”, congrats. I know I’ve been pounding on this theme all week but seriously, someone over there at Batom Inc. HQ really needs to tap TheAuthor on the shoulder and snap him out of this bizarre comic book fantasy reverie he’s in, as it’s getting out of hand. It’s almost as if depicting DT delivering boxes of comic books was his goal and he wrote the “story” around making that scene happen. And that’s just f*cking weird.

Coming next week: the long-rumored FW/For Better Or For Worse crossover finally begins. Over in the FBOFW-iverse, Funky hits Farley the dog with his car just as Michael opens his rejection letter from comic book writing school at the same moment his gay best friend’s grandfather dies at his sister’s shotgun wedding. Meanwhile, the Pattersons visit Westview and debate the merits of Silver Age vs. Golden Age comic books while eating pizza. Or, alternately, they eat comic books while reading pizza, as if there’s any difference anymore.

Fifty Shades Of Lame

Link To Today’s Strip

For a vaunted and feared comic book chiseler, Chester kind of lacks a working knowledge of how auctions normally work. He’s not “chiseling” correctly either. And there’s no need to shout, the auctioneer is standing right there to the left of the panel there, Chester. In typical FW fashion, our “heroes” show up for an auction lot containing a trove of rare and valuable comic books with a whole fifty bucks scorching a hole in their pockets. Good plan there, guys. Thankfully they’re able to shrug off their idiocy with a wry remark and those “deadpan” expressions, which no doubt sent BanTom to the floor of his studio with a massive laughing fit right after he dreamed this bit of nonsense up. Well, I guess it’s marginally better than not amusing anyone whatsoever, right?

FW routinely botches even the easiest of premises, but this one might mark a new low. The guy gets an opportunity to use an “iconic” (much more so than any FW character at any rate) comic strip character in his daily strip and instead of doing anything that’s even remotely different or entertaining he decides to make it all about a f*cking comic book auction. It’s mid-week and DT isn’t even there today! Why even bother with DT at all if this is all you have? He’s a f*cking detective, TB, have the guy go find Becky’s mom or Harry’s missing kids or your sense of humor (provided there’s enough time for that last one, that is).