Tag Archives: Frankie

DuMbZ Part 3 in 3-D

Link to today’s strip.

Oh Good God.  You know, the other day when I said that Frankie’s big scoop would be “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ in Torrid Affair,” I was kidding.  I didn’t think that anyone, and I mean anyone, would notice such an innocent-looking stroll and think, “Oh, boy, look at the scandal right in front of me–here’s my next paycheck!”

Frankie is really, really bad at this villain business.  Sure, I recognize that he has the requisite sleaze factor (based solely on the fact that Westview hates him, so who knows if that sleaze actually exists).  But he would also have to have some kind of journalistic ability, and the judgment necessary to recognize when a story is not a story, and vice-versa.  And italics.

Of course, I don’t know why Clean-Shaven Fred Flintstone is even taking the time to berate them.  In case he didn’t notice, the network already ran with both of these stories.  It’s way, way too late to decide they just aren’t up to snuff.  It’s also hard to tell his reporters, “Don’t do that thing that we used, and that we paid you for.  Just stop doing that.  What?  What should you do instead?  I don’t know.  I’ll let you know after we run your work in prime time.”

Unless…the last two days were a dream sequence for Frankie?  I would not put it past this comic strip to pull that one.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Link to today’s strip.

Yeah, I know, Frankie’s been there for several weeks, but how could I resist that title?

There’s a marked difference in tone when Tom Batiuk loves a character (Les), hates a character (Bull et al) and when he doesn’t give a damn about a character (a lot of them).

Mason seems to fall into this third category; once Batiuk got the pun through, he really seemed to lose interest in Mason.  Oh sure, he’s a nice guy, well off, generous to a fault (or a Darrin), a bit dim, very good at calming Cindy’s many fears…other than that, he’s a paper towel.  He’s there to get the job done and that’s it.

Cindy seems to be somewhere in the half-world between hatred and indifference.  On the one hand, she’s a mass of neuroses which need constant tending; she’s rude to every female she meets; and she gave up on Funky.  On the other, she’s been given a guy who goes out of his way to help her feel good about herself.   The only other person who has had such a devoted mate was…Les Moore.  It may be that now she’s “old” and feels terrible about her condition, she’ll be allowed some relief.

Though I would have said that about Bull up until last week.  He was actively trying to cut down on bullying in the school, wanting to atone for what he’d done as a student.  And then he got handed his ass.  That still seems like the cruelest blow ever struck by this strip (though BillyTheSkink’s rundown of Coach Stropp’s last days seems definitely worse).

I guess in Tom Batiuk’s mind, Bull was turning out to be an “okay” person, a candidate for possible redemption, until Tom Batiuk happened to thumb through one of the high school yearbooks that he keeps close at hand, and noted that the guy who bullied him in school was named “Jerome,” and then something snapped.

And now, taking up the entire stage right, we have Frankie.  This is not my favorite drawing of Frankie.  This–

–is my favorite drawing of Frankie.  Look at that openly happy and joyous expression!  There’s a man about to explode with happiness–or a man surgically altered for transfer to the “Popeye” comic strip.  He’s also hiding a turkey baster in his shirt, which shows preparedness!  Unless that’s Kuato waking up.

Despite his status as a villain, Frankie is another character that Tom Batiuk seems to have no idea what to do with.  (Sorry about the grammar, there.) It’s clear that Batiuk wants a villain (not recognizing that Les Moore fits that role to a T), but it’s also clear that he doesn’t want a real villain–someone that could only be defeated through cleverness and *cough* work.  Hence, Frankie is always portrayed as somewhat hapless and unprepared, and his schemes (such as they are) are so blatantly stupid that even a half-wit like Darrin doesn’t fall for them.   With a spot of cleverness, Frankie’s schemes could probably work; all he needs to do is disguise his intent somewhat and the Westview morons would fall into line.  Unfortunately, that “spot of cleverness” will always be lacking.  Because there can only be one “smart” person in the comic strip.  And anything that takes away from Les Moore’s lustre is not to be permitted.

So…any guesses as to the form his latest scheme will take?  A headline like “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ in Torrid Affair!” seems likely.  Of course, “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ Enjoy Ice Cream!” is also a good guess.  Remember, this is Frankie we’re dealing with.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Off Track

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. today’s strip returns to the Frankie plot-line which is horrible for two reasons:

1. Whatever these two dopes are plotting, please get on with it! Talking in veiled, coded language just confuses everyone. Even if you came right out and said what your Big Plan was we’d probably still be confused because it’s going to be something really, really dumb.

2. Most of last week’s black and white rambling from Jupiter Jones ended up going absolutely nowhere. One could credit this as a slow-burn sort of plot building but there’s so many loose ends that never get returned to I’m guessing there’s a good chance the jealousy Cindy has may not even be visited again.


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Uh oh, readers! From the looks of today’s strip, Frankie, a character we barely know about is stalking Boy Lisa and Pete, two characters we barely care about. Unless Frankie is about to run them over with his van I don’t think anything too exciting is about to happen, but it’ll be teased and dragged out for the next three weeks.


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Miss Exposition

Here’s a post for the late night snarkers while I go see some movie!

Link to today’s strip.


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Threat Level Lisa

Link to today’s strip

YouTube (registered trademark, BTW) better upgrade their servers, pronto, before Boy Lisa follows through on his “threat” and crashes them with the tens of hits that video would certainly generate. Some arch-villian Frankie turned out to be. Ditto for his doughy henchman White Lenny, who is a real wuss compared to Black Lenny, who at least knew how to lean menacingly. Derin would have probably gotten the same results by simply throwing “Lisa’s secret journal” at them. Those corners do hurt, you know.

OK, so who had “they make a video of Summer reading random pages from her dead mother’s thirty-something year old journal that just happened to be discovered exactly when it fit into the story which forces Frankie and Lenny to give up when they threaten to air it on YouTube” in the “how does this arc end?” pool? Once again TheMaster finds the least-interesting, most random, nonsensical and totally balls-out stupid way of “crafting” a story that took what seems like a hundred weeks to tell. No one can predict what he’ll do and quite frankly I don’t think he even knows until he pens it. This whole story reads like he jotted it all down on a napkin while heading to the bathroom at 5am after a big craft beer, Seroquel and Nyquil bender. Like every other FW story does. It’s amazing, uncanny and totally inexplicable.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Prayer For The Sneering

Link to today’s strip

I’m admittedly as beady-eyed and nit-picky as anyone here at SoSF, so maybe my opinion is somewhat skewed. That said, Lisa’s silly little “prayer” comes across as being rather selfish and short-sighted to me. After all, how did she know back then what would become of Frankie? Perhaps he would have changed his ways and become, oh I don’t know, an ordained minister or a first responder hero or a devoted family man or whatever. Typical Lisa…me me me, always self-absorbed in that annoyingly cloying way she had (and still has despite being dead). In any event, as Nelson Muntz might say, “Haw haw! Your prayer went unanswered!”.

So what did Frankie do, exactly, to merit this non-stop sneering and eyebrow-cocking? His attempt to “cash in” on one of Lisa’s many tragedies? Les did it a few times. Cayla was practically boinging off the walls when the movie check arrived. Summer even went as far as to suggest a 3-D version of “Lisa’s Story”. What makes that any different? I get the feeling that any “outsiders” who dare to enter Westview get chased to the city limits by a group of pitchfork-toting sneering fat guys wearing pizza shop smocks in an old-fashioned car as “Dueling Banjos” plays in the background. What a bunch of hostile pricks.

But forget all that nonsense, as none of it matters anyway. The big news today is that Montoni’s appears to be selling T-shirts! I simply MUST have one, although because I’m not a XXXXL I doubt they’d be carrying my size. If Batom doesn’t start hawking these on his site he’s both lazy and stupid, because he’s sitting on a gold mine with those.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky