Holly – Page 57 – Son of Stuck Funky

Meanwhile, In Another Circle of Hell…

Greetings, folks, BChasm back for another round in the chair. Let’s see if we can get it to spin!

So, The New Darin and Cindy (looking very close to her “appearance-complaints” in panel one) are leaving Westview, returning to the glamour of Hollywood. Ah Hollywood, where Cindy works at a company that seems like someone’s thinly-veiled YouTube channel, and The New Darin stars in made-for-TV fare that is invariably cancelled. Can’t you just smell the stardom?

As a coda, we get Pete and The Old Darin facing the reality of every town in the Funkyverse–the fact that there is no escape from the horror that pervades every moment of life. There are always those Philistines who refuse to see genuine art for its value, and instead look to crassly commercialize it by sinking black, oozing claws into it until it starts laying deadly golden eggs. Golden eggs full of poison gas.

Kinda looks like The Old Darin has cut off his arm, there, though I’m sure that’s just an unfortunate colorist’s choice. On the other hand, the carefully crafted punchline is really stupid–“changes to the changes” are still changes to the script, “changes to the script” being something that absolutely every movie, TV-movie, and TV series goes through every single time one is made.

In fact, there are so many revisions to a given script that those new pages are printed on different colored paper so that everyone can know exactly where they should be “on the page.” It’s been this way for decades…though usually this happens either during rehearsals (to iron out difficult lines, or block stage business) or on the set (a location isn’t available, an actor quits, a character is dropped, etc). Neither of which can be the case because 1) the damned star of the movie is swooning around in Ohio, and 2) so far as we know, there is no script yet. And they’re not going to send our a crew to do second unit stuff until they’ve got something like a completed script.

Which brings me to a greater question–apparently at Cable Movie Entertainment, they hold script meetings where revisions are discussed. Why in the Hell don’t they invite the screenwriter to these meetings? Why are changes to the script a complete surprise to him? He was hired, after all, because as a comic book writer he has some expertise in the field–why wouldn’t he be at these meetings? He’s not unavailable or living in some distant city–he’s just down the hall. It makes no sense to exclude him, in fact it seems to piss him off quite a bit.

Pete should be at all these meetings. He should know about all the revisions, be able to contribute, and–more importantly–he should be able to shape those revisions, if he’s smart. Not just negatively–“Well, Starbuck Jones wouldn’t do that, he’s got a code of honor”–but also positively–“Well, if you show the approaching Zergian ship, that’s another toy you could have in shops when the movie opens–vehicles are always big sellers…my pal Darin can sketch a rough of the ship for you.” (Good one, Pete, you’ve come up with some dollar value, they’ll listen to your opinions now.)

There’s only one real answer. Pete isn’t the screenwriter on the Starbuck Jones movie. He’s just one of the typists.

Auld Lang Shite

What the hell is in that bottle? I thought Funky only “toasted” with real toast these days. Well, the last strip of 2015 will certainly lend credence to the “Tom Batiuk is trolling the hate-readers” theory. Why else would he have the titular character grinningly offer such a grim salutation, even ironically? And if Funky is trying to be funny, he’s the only one in on the joke; everyone else looks either surprised or dismayed.

To be fair, Funky’s entitled to his gloomy outlook. After all, Les has his inflated ego and submissive wife to indulge him. Crazy Harry’s underemployed and loving it. This year, Darin, Pete and Cindy all lucked into exciting careers on the West Coast, and Cindy (Funky’s ex-wife) is engaged to a movie star. Cory Winkerbean’s back stateside and is also planning to get hitched. Bull’s Scapegoats enjoyed a perfect football season. The only arcs involving Funky dealt with his sending Montoni’s band box out to be repaired, and having him relive the Montoni’s bowling team’s victory (a decade ago) over Crankshaft’s team. The rest of his life consists of running the pizza parlor, jogging with smug Les, chauffeuring Cory to and from the airport, doctor visits, and humiliation at the hands of his personal trainer. Our slow shuffle to oblivion indeed. Pick up the pace there, Funkman.

Well, dear friends, as 2015 draws to a close, please accept once again my well wishes on behalf of the team. Cheers and Happy New Year!

Youth will be served… Pepperoni

Oh good grief… Funky had to go and open up the can of worms that is Durwood’s age in today’s strip.

Holly does her level best to draw my fire away with a “joke” related to the major Christian holiday that is NOT the one less than a week away, but it is to no avail. I’m sure Jessica’s laughing was annoying and Holly’s joke succeeded in quieting her down, but the statement that set up the joke remains. When commenting about how young Darin and Jess look, one ought have a rough idea of how young they are. Instead, we have this:

If you can do better, you are quite welcome to try.

Dashing in Darin, Outrageously Blaring

SURPRISE!
Today’s strip features Mason’s evil twin, back from his supposed death at the La Brea Tar Pits.

Wait, sorry, that’s not right. HERE AS EXPECTED! It’s Durwood, who we should have expected because TB has taken a major interest in him this year. He’s been a major player in 6 story arcs in 2015 (based on mentions in SOSF’s excellent arc-by-arc summaries), more than Crazy, Lefty, Dinkle, Owen and Cody… as many as Summer and Cayla got combined, and they essentially shared two of theirs. Every single one of these appearances deals with essentially one thing, by the way, his ability to illustrate comics and storyboards. Yet, we have not once actually seen this ability in the entirety of Act III.

SURPRISE! Pop quiz!
When returning to your hometown for Christmas or some other holiday occasion, whom do you visit first?

A. The wife and child you left behind to move west for work, the former whom you haven’t seen in nearly a month and the latter whom you haven’t seen since August.

B. The parents who adopted you and raised you from infancy, one of whom is crippled and surely difficult for the other to take care of.

C. Your former high school teacher who was married to your biological mother and who allowed you to live in his house for quite a while when you and your wife returned to town. Your half-sister may or may not be there too.

D. Your former boss and landlord and his wife at their dingy pizza joint.

Schmaltz of the Foulers

I honestly don’t know how to read today’s strip. Really, no idea at all.

I suspect TB wants us to take Cindy’s overly maudlin metaphor and Funky’s seemingly-pleased reaction to it at face value, something that is rather difficult to do if you have a history of reading this strip. Funky and Holly are fairly amicable ex-es these days, but simply knowing that they are ex-es opens this up to interpretations such as Cindy rubbing her new beau in Funky’s face or Funky’s “So Mason’s the one?” being delivered with sneering sarcasm (“I was the one once too…” he mutters under his breath). Understanding that this takes place in the thoroughly unpleasant Batiukverse makes these alternate interpretations seem even more likely, as they fit the generally sour mood of this strip.

I’m actually more interested in the conversation going on at the other side of the room. Presumably, Mason is complimenting Holly on the Christmas decorations she bought at Dollar General 5 years ago, but maybe he’s just really excited about seeing a flat, printed cut-out of Santa Claus. Perhaps he is showing her the pose he does on the Starbuck Jones movie poster. Or maybe I just start inventing background stories when TB’s writing doesn’t hold my interest…