Jupiter Moon, Jupiter Moon, Jupiter Moon…OK Tom, understood. There’s a new female character in the ever-evolving Starbuck Jones mythos and her name is Jupiter Moon. See, I (sometimes) know how the guy who writes this strip operates and in his imaginary comic book-addled mind the idea that SJ includes a character named (sigh) Jupiter Moon is so fascinating and hilarious in and of itself that it needs no further embellishment. That name IS the premise here. Nothing will happen, the characters will merely repeat (sigh) JM over and over again. And that will be it, guaranteed. To be polite about it, the guy who writes this thing vastly overestimates the entertainment value of his weird little comic book fantasies as well as his own cleverness, by a degree of around infinity squared.
Tag: improper use of retcon photo album corner things
Kancer Komix
Previously on Funky Winkerbean:
I don’t know about you, reader, but I was so sure that yesterday’s postmortem, backhanded “I love you” to Cayla would serve to finally close a number of plot threads: the existence of the Lisa tapes, Les’ perpetual grief, and even Cayla’s second-class second wife status. I expected today’s strip to be a wacky Sunday throwaway: a Scapegoat football gag, perhaps, or hijinks with Cody and Owen, before Monday we maybe check in with Pete and Darin in Hollywood.
But Lisa’s not done with us, folks. And while I am loathe to deliver spoilers, and try to dissuade my fellow authors from doing the same, I must warn you: this goes on into tomorrow and this week. The story of a woman who, faced with a lingering, wasting, terminal illness, feels compelled to spend her last days on this earth recording messages for those she will leave behind. Lisa on Les: “He’s filled with great wit…” Certainly Les thinks this to be so. The rest of us see a pretentious douchebag. No wonder he misses this woman so.
For what it’s worth: Batiuk continues his laxity when it comes to using the photo album corner visual cue to depict events in the past. Could he be signaling to us that Lisa is in fact, somehow, still alive???
Smells Like Teen Idiocy
“Wow! Banner making and hanging technology hasn’t changed at ALL!!!!”.
Uh, excuse me there Mr. Batiuk sir, but where did Holly go? And I don’t quite know how to tell you this, but Lisa is F*CKING DEAD in 2015, which may explain why she’s so cold all the time. Now I’m only speaking for myself here, but I’d probably visit a future Super Bowl or Kentucky Derby, or perhaps I’d visit Manhattan to see what real estate became the most valuable. Not these morons though, no sir. The only real surprise here is that they didn’t end up in that shitty pizza place instead.
I guess this marks the official end of Batiuk’s “1/4 inch from reality” period. Let’s take a moment to remember that glorious era…OK, done. I wonder if anyone’s going to tell Lisa, you know? Talk about awkward. When she sees the “in memoriam” board will she instantly turn to dust or something? Or are we pretending THAT whole thing never happened too?
Through The Boredom Of Future Past
The artwork is just awesome today. I like how everything is just blackness, it reflects the content of the author’s mind so effectively. Is this a record for “most individual word balloons in a single-panel FW strip”? If not, please do NOT show me the current record holder.
If Harry hasn’t tried out the time pool how does he know it works? Why is Lisa all hunched over like she’s freezing cold? If I were her I’d get that checked out. Twice. Why does she want to visit 1990? Isn’t that just a tad unambitious of her? Why does Holly assume they’ll all be “long gone” by 2015? Ooops, yeah that’s right, I almost forgot. And isn’t it really 2025 in the Funkyverse? Or are we now officially ignoring the infamous “time jump”? Then there’s the biggest question of them all…are they EVER going to actually do this thing or will they spend another week talking about it instead? Talk about plodding.
And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Dick Face’s annoying propensity for bringing everyone and everything down. Even then he was such a dick. The guy discovers a time pool and he’s already finding ways for it to fail. He’s nothing if not consistent. Truly a dick for the ages, a timeless asshole whose annoyingness spans decades.
Past Dense
Even time travel is a snore in the Funkyverse. Crazy discovers a time portal and the only thing that comes to mind is to invite his dimwitted pals to gawk at it. Then they make inane stupid “observations” in a way that suggests they’re not all that impressed. Totally Batiukian. Maybe they could travel back to 1972 or whatever and convince Batom to get himself a nice accounting degree or something.
God, is Lisa irritating or what? Why is she even there? I don’t think she even attended WHS in the first place. And I’m sorry, but retcon photo album corners go with sepia-tone, otherwise it’s totally inappropriate. And why is Crazy the only one that remembers any of this? Sigh. I hope they eventually jump into this thing, as right now it appears they’ll be talking about it for a week and a half.
Son of Stuck Funky 
