Tag: Jessica

And With That Last Panel, The Arc Ended

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Yikes, talk about lackadaisical. Maybe he could end every arc this way…”and that was how Lisa died”…”and that was how Funky traveled back in time”…”that’s why Les is such a smug dick all the time”…”and that’s why Owen always wears that hat now”…you get the idea. If Funky had just said, “oh, we won a holiday bowling tournament that year” on Monday, all of whatever this was supposed to be could have been neatly avoided and replaced with, oh I don’t know, something about pizza or comic books or an immense sense of personal loss or something fun like that. You know, the typical meaty FW fare.

It’s funny to me how he’ll use FW to promote CS but the CS strips merely used FW characters as backdrops. If you don’t read CS regularly you have no idea who that lady is or why her bad bowling is supposed to be funny. None of the FW characters seemed to recognize their psychotic old school bus driver either, which is pretty weird, as he was supposedly so “iconic” he got his own spin-off strip. The main thing I got out of it was realizing how old Rachel actually is, how old and fat Funky got and how Bull looks pretty much the same as he did back then which is a huge accomplishment in the Funkyverse. So kudos to him.

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Listless

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Every so often The BanMan throws one at you that just leaves you completely befuddled. I THINK that’s Wally, Rachel, Tony and Funky in that photo although I’m not 100% certain about that. I had to Google “Margo Lanes” and sure enough, Margo Lane was a character in an old-timey 1940’s serial, “The Shadow”. Surely there are four or five still-living people that might get that gag, although the odds on them also being FW readers are, uh…fairly slim, I’d say.

“Why was everyone wearing Santa hats…?”…I’m just gonna go way out on a limb here, Jess, but I’m guessing it was because it was CHRISTMAS TIME, which would be the most logical reason. Good thing she isn’t a detective, huh? I have no earthly idea where this could be going (other than “nowhere”) although “the gang at Montoni’s starts a bowling team” would probably be as good a guess as any. It’s also pretty obvious that Jess is spending WAY too much time in that pizza place too. Where have you gone, Boy Lisa? A boring strip turns its yawning eyes to you.

 

Boyo Boy What A Snore

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“Reclaim”? Uh yeah Jessica, whatever you say. Boy Lisa’s birthday promise seems a little ominous if you ask me, in my opinion he really ought to be recording all this wisdom “just in case”. I mean you never know when The BanMan might need to drop another shoe, you know? Anyway, that was certainly one of the more uneventful weeks in recent memory, as the characters did nothing but complain and eat pizza. Talk about soporific and pointless.

Check out Jessica’s hair in panel two…ladies and gentlemen, Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider!!! Man, he struggles with her hair even more than he does with Boy Lisa’s nose. It’s kind of difficult to believe that he just wasted an entire week on Jessica bringing pizza to California but then again, not really. And watching these two preparing to kiss is like watching a mother hamster preparing to eat her own babies, yuck.

Deep Ending On One Another

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Yep, back when Boy Lisa was dreaming about life in Hollywood he thought it’d all be pizza and comic books, but in reality it’s, uh….pizza and, ummmm, comic books. But Jessica is right on the money today, as Darin is at that point in a man’s life where he has to stop settling for the pizzeria lifestyle that defines so many of his peers and take a chance at making it big in the world of comic books and (zzzzzzzzzzz).

BanTom is often at his most unintentionally hilarious when he starts with this faux-profound claptrap…”life is so much different in your dreams”…LOL, good one Tom. Boy Lisa sure does whine a lot for a guy who’s had his last two life-salvaging jobs just drop into his lap out of nowhere, you know? Plus he has a wife that lets him do whatever he wants AND showers him with pizzas! And all he can do is sit there and bitch about how it isn’t all exactly how he envisioned it. What a big baby. Doesn’t he realize how close he came to being raised by Lisa and (gulp) Les Moore?

Just Like The First Thanksgiving…But With Toppings!

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A very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, fellow snarkers! I’m thankful for a lot of things, not the least of which is knowing that I am NOT the only person who scratches their head in confusion and disgust after reading this thing every day, as for a long, long time I was sure that I was. At first I couldn’t figure out why they’d be video chatting with Funky and Holly instead of their own families, but then I realized they’re just thanking them for the pizza. Just a few weeks ago I was cracking wise about how we were due for some pizza in this strip and bam, right on cue. And what is Pete doing there? Get a paper plate or something, you idiot. He looks like he just realized he accidentally swallowed a hair or something.

If this is the best Thanksgiving of Boy Lisa’s life, things must have been even tougher than we imagined in the loveless Fairgood household. Damn that philandering, dream-squelching Fred! Such a monster. And don’t sweat it Funky, they’ll surely mention Montoni’s on the red carpet and during the acceptance speech and at the after party and on Jimmy Fallon, unless they get distracted by comic books first, that is. And don’t worry, if they stick to this all-pizza diet they’ll be plenty big soon enough.