John Howard – Page 3 – Son of Stuck Funky

Your Mileage May Vary

I had to make a decision on my last DCH John Howard post. Because there were two rabbit holes presented, and I knew I could only tumble down one that day. So we fell down the Skip Townes hole and got to read some ancient Funky Winkerbean strips that were actually funny.

Today, instead of continuing the story of Mooch Myers Swindles an Old Lady, I’d like to take the second option, and tumble down another hole. The one presented to me by this strip.

Moochy boy compares Lillian McKenzie’s boxes of a couple thousand yellowed Timely issues flopping around in her hot Ohio attic to The Edward Church Collection.

“I Think My Water Just Broke!”

Hello beady eyed nitpickers of all ages! I hope you’re all ready for this, because today, we reach the end of John Howard’s appearances in Act II of Funky Winkerbean. It’s December 2006, Lisa’s Story is in full swing, and as if impending cancer death wasn’t melodrama enough, Batiuk also has Becky Winkerbean heavily pregnant while her husband, Wally, is stationed in Iraq.

*Why does Donna look so sinister in the last panel? Has she moved from scrapbooking to murder?*

At this time Becky and Wally are the serfs inhabiting the apartment above Montoni’s. And let that sink in for a moment. That Wally Winkerbean moved into that apartment twice, with a different woman each time.

Mother’s Little Helper

First and foremost! Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms, Grandmas, Aunts, and Female Mentors in our comments section. I hope that somebody spoiled each and every one of you today in the way you love best, whether that be your favorite food, a foot massage, a long Sunday nap, or an obnoxiously obsessive post about a defunct comic strip.

Whatever you did today, pretty good chance it was better than Rose Murdoch’s Mother’s Day back in in 2014.

*I hate you, Mom. I hate you soooo much. I only let you live in my house so I can watch up close the misery and fear you feel as your mortal vessel crumbles around your poisonous spiteful soul.*

Justice For All!

Yeah, you know how I said I was waiting on an official legal opinion from an official lawyer?

I lied, I was waiting for the latest issue of Moppu no Jikan to arrive!

Tribulations and Trials

DCH John Howard is charged with heinous comics crimes! CBH is on the case! I am highly qualified to provide legal commentary and counsel on this fictional court room drama. Below, a list of my qualifications.

1.) My friend is a lawyer.

2.) I have a working internet connection, and am not afraid of the CIA seeing my search history.

3.) My mom has 60% of the OJ Simpson Trial recorded on VHS.

4.) I once got two speeding tickets in one week.

So I am READY. I am KNOWLEDGEABLE.

Let me flash some of that sweet sweet knowledge!