Tag: Mason Jarr

Make ‘Em Walk The Plank

Link To Today’s Strip

It’s all so clear to me now. This “Michael Spencer” guy is actually an international spy whose mission is to destroy The Internet from within. He needs Cindy to attract hits to his website but to get her on board he had to reach out to his old pal Mason Jarr and call in a favor. “Anchors aweigh” is the big clue here, as “Michael Spencer” obviously picked up that bit of nautical terminology while he was stowing away aboard some big cargo ship bound for Culver City. It’s a dead giveaway. He’s trying to tell us something…I mean it COULDN’T just be some typically awful Batominc wordplay again…or could it??

Anyhow, it really should be “anchor” as I don’t see any other ones in the frame, do you? Cindy’s weird descent into insane idiocy continues as she accepts BB’s pathetic “offer” after receiving a dinner invite text from our old pal Mason. It took me a second to figure out how and why those two things could be related, as Cindy could obviously still have met Mason for dinner without stupidly accepting BB’s crappy deal. But I think the idea here is that by staying in California she’ll be closer to Mason, which is all the impetus she needs to throw what’s left of her career and her dignity into the gutter. I just can’t believe he wrote this without realizing how pathetic it makes her look, but then again yeah, sure I can. Cindy: the strong modern businesswoman who’s seen it all and who makes rash career decisions based on texts from boys she likes. 1/4 inch my ass.

I guess MS is one of those people who only looks fat when he sits, right? I mean yesterday the guy was a bloated doughy blob and today he’s zipping around sipping his trendy glacier hipster vita-water, completely jowl-free. Whatever is in that water bottle, start selling it in Westview fast before the FDA gets wind of it. Man, if I ever see this Spencer guy again it’ll be too soon. Except I might not recognize him at first, depending on whether he’s sitting or not. But let’s hope it never comes to that.

Who’s tripping down the streets of self-pity?

Link to today’s strip.

Who’s popping in the door at Montoni’s
Moping about her lack of romance
Who’s being condescending to Holly
Everyone knows it’s Cindy

And Cindy has forlorn eyes
That drop as she now realize
-es that maybe she is no prize
For Mason Jarr
For Mason Jarr

Apologies to The Association.

Bleaky Friday

More of the black void that is a Westview winter night in today’s strip, where Mason is obligated to answer a telephone call from his agent. Mason’s agent, “Rip”, quickly remembers that Mason is out of town, possibly in one of those mysterious time zones out east where people are huddled next to their heaters and catching Letterman’s monologue while he’s still laying on the beach getting a tan. I like how Mason hums a little tune before telling Cindy “Sorry, it’s my agent…” I assume that’s what is happening, I mean, the two things share a dialogue box.

Mason’s punchline, such as it is, rings pretty hollow when you consider that “last century” ended all of 15 years ago. When the last (20th) century was the current century, references to the “last century” were typically idyllic and wholly unrealistic nostalgia about the Victorian era and the Gay Nineties. With the gazebo looming in the background, this seems to be what Mason’s line is going for. After all, the 20th century was when TB’s frame of mind for such references was formed.

Then again, perhaps Mason does indeed mean that Westview reminds him of the 20th century’s “Gay X-treme! Nineties”, what with the town’s continued interest in VCRs, Toyota Paseo “Batiukmobiles”, and unfounded comic book price speculation. I imagine he’ll be disappointed when he learns that everyone in town threw out their “Ross for Boss” buttons, Zubaz pants, and Pogs years ago… Or did they?

Where the sidewalk should have ended

Today’s strip sees Mason and Cindy continuing the evening stroll they began yesterday, traversing Westview’s snow-covered central square park with its trademark gazebo. Despite the implications from the past couple of strips that he has a thing for Cindy, Mason reveals his real interest is not her but the town of Westview itself. Yes, Westview is definitely a change from Hollywood’s economic opportunity and operating post office.

With Westview reminding him so much of his hometown, one can only guess where Mason grew up. Centralia, Pennsylvania is a good bet.

Plenty of room at the Hotel Cali-Moore-nia

In a move that surely has Emily Post rolling in her grave, today’s strip sees Mason invite himself to an extra few days of Les and Cayla’s hospitality. I hope at least one newspaper runs this strip right next to the Miss Manners column.

In other events, a regretful and jealous Funky is regretful and jealous while Les seems to be confused about who Funky’s ex is.