Roberta Blackburn – Son of Stuck Funky

Murder In The Burnings: The Major Suspects

We continue our look at arson suspects with the more serious candidates. Some names aren’t on either list, because they will turn up later in the story. But let me know if I missed your favorite.

SUSPECT: Cayla Williams Moore (suggested by: bewareofevehill)

PROSECUTION: The wife of Westview English teacher, Les Moore, and personal assistant to high school principal Nate Green. Cayla witnessed her husband defy her boss’ mandate that books on the school’s not-approved list are also not approved to be taught. Les confided in Cayla about the plan to distribute the book via bookstores. Fed up with Les’s overbearing ego, Cayla used that information in an attempt to frame him for the arson. The damage was intentionally small, because Cayla had no other dispute with Ms. McKenzie.

DEFENSE: If she wanted to use fire to rid herself of her husband, there are more direct approaches. Doesn’t anyone remember The Burning Bed? Continue reading “Murder In The Burnings: The Major Suspects”

You Don’t Have To Live Like A Refugee (More Predicted Funky Winkerbean Character Appearances In Crankshaft In 2024)

Don’t forget to vote in the 2023 Crankshaft Awards! Voting remains open for about another 5 days.

In Part 1 of this series, I predicted the seven Funky Winkerbean characters that will appear most often in Crankshaft in 2024. Here’s a recap of characters we’ve discussed so far, ranked by predicted most appearances:

Mopey Pete Roberts/Reynolds (probability of appearing at least once in 2024: 99.9999%)
Mindy Murdoch (99.9999%)
Les Moore (99%)
Dead Lisa (probability of being mentioned 99%; probability of actually appearing 20%)
Dinkle (100%; has already appeared)
Atomik Komix staff: Flash Freeman, Phil Holt, Darin Fairgood (55%)
Pizza Box Monster (98%)

Dinkle’s off to a fast start, while Les and Lisa aren’t out of the gate yet. Continue reading “You Don’t Have To Live Like A Refugee (More Predicted Funky Winkerbean Character Appearances In Crankshaft In 2024)”

Back to the Future

Many apologies for the lateness of this post. I meant for it to go up hours ago, but then I spent half of yesterday with my head stuck inside the charred black interior of a Lang Platinum Electric Convection Oven, and the industrial strength degreaser fumes ended up getting to me.

Now, before you get concerned, I did this in the interest of job security. They can’t fire you from the gas station if you’re the only one who knows how to clean the oven. But if anything would make one contemplate sticking their head in an oven recreationally, it would be the hideous abomination we’re about to be faced with.

Seeing is Believing

You guys are killing it in the comments section over this courtroom drama arc! I was kinda bummed I missed out on some of the Free Speech fun due to important transport related issues the last couple days.

As in, transporting the spring calving cows and babies to their summer pasture. So for Mela and all you other city slickers who enjoy the Farm Progress Report, the promised round up photos!

Pairs in the corral, ready for sorting. The red cow in front and her calf were sorted off along with a few other pairs, and any cows that didn’t have calves, just so the pasture wouldn’t get overloaded. The red cow is one of our older girls. How old? I don’t know, but I’d believe anything between 14 to 20.

The calves sorted off in our little calving shed. We haul them separate from the cows in just case a calf slips in the trailer. Don’t want the little babies squished! The one in the very front has a funny spot on his nose, probably from some Simmental genes.

That old red cow was sorted off partially because she has a habit of being a massive pain in the butt to get into the corral at the end of the season. She’s not crazy wild, or aggressive. She just doesn’t feel the need to go with the herd, no matter how good the bait my dad is offering.

Speaking of going with the herd!

Tribulations and Trials

DCH John Howard is charged with heinous comics crimes! CBH is on the case! I am highly qualified to provide legal commentary and counsel on this fictional court room drama. Below, a list of my qualifications.

1.) My friend is a lawyer.

2.) I have a working internet connection, and am not afraid of the CIA seeing my search history.

3.) My mom has 60% of the OJ Simpson Trial recorded on VHS.

4.) I once got two speeding tickets in one week.

So I am READY. I am KNOWLEDGEABLE.

Let me flash some of that sweet sweet knowledge!