sports – Page 6 – Son of Stuck Funky

The Buck Stops There

Hello, folks; BChasm back in the Box. Shout-out to Comic Book Harriet, who as always did a stellar job of entertaining and educating us…things l’Auteur Glorieux feels are now beneath him. Well done, especially with such poor material to work with.

Speaking of being back, guess who has returned? That’s right, it’s nobody’s favorite smirker, Buck Somethingorother. You remember, the guy who couldn’t resist smirking wryly to both Linda and Bull while reminding them about the latter’s impending death. And speaking of impending death, Buck is getting his! “I’m afraid that the news isn’t that good, Buck” says Doctor Flattop, “You’re a character in Funky Winkerbean.” Now, I may be stupid, and this strip may be making me more so, but I thought Buck played football. Isn’t “layup” a basketball term? Shouldn’t he say, “You always gotta throw the penalty flag, don’t you?” I guess once you’re a sporto, you’re required by cosmic law to make only sports-related metaphors, even if they aren’t your sports.

I’d really like to know what’s going on with Doctor Flattop’s head. In panel two, it looks like there’s a second head emerging from the back of his skull. Is it Voldemort? Because that could be an interesting development.

Oh, I’ve just killed it. I used the forbidden word, “interesting.”

Kitchen Nightmares

Link to today’s strip

Ooooh. Les’ Kent State shirt is back! He used to wear it on the regular but I looked and he hasn’t been seen in it since March 2017. At least, I assume it’s a Kent State shirt. The sloppy way it’s drawn, I had previously took it for some kind of tribal symbol, or a bad Stargate fan shirt.

Speaking of sloppy drawing, there’s a non-sequitur of art in every panel today. In panel one Les hand disappears into Funky’s chest like he’s coping a feel. Or attempting to reenact that famous scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. In panel two Les’ face has melted into a Bell’s Palsy grimace as he hunches over the inky blackness of Funky’s coat, looking for all the world like he’s just grabbed the head of a tiny Nazgul.

Panel three we get a tiny bowl of balls invading the speech bubble atop the fridge. Are they oranges? Who puts oranges on top of the fridge? Are they novelty clown noses, tucked away for some kinky kitchen roleplay? Also in panel three we have the return of our Theme Of The Week: Funky making a horrified shocked face. Today’s offering has the overtones of ‘electric prostrate exam’ we’ve enjoyed thus far, but follows it up with a hint of ‘trousers full of spiders’ for good measure.

Instant Replay.

Link to today’s strip

Funky and Holly have satellite TV? They’re in town right? Why don’t they just get cable?

I’ll admit, I’m a technological Luddite. When I moved to my own place I hooked up an antenna to my TV so I can watch the three local stations that can still come in analogue. But mostly I bum Wifi off my housemate and use it to watch pirated episodes of Time Team on YouTube from my laptop. I got one of those Roku sticks for Christmas to turn my WalMart bargain flat-screen into a ‘smart’ TV, but I just use it for more YouTube.

So it sickens mean to realize that Funky and Holly are more ‘tech savy’ than me. Holly most of all. In fact, for the rest of this week I am choosing to imagine that Holly just shut off the satellite feed from the remote and pretended like it fritzed out to mess with Funky.

And what is up with Funky this week? Did Ayers lose a bet with Batiuk and now has to draw Funky getting a surprise prostate exam from the Invisible Man every day?

Buzzer Beaten

Link to today’s strip

Some of you yesterday were wondering about the lack of a punchline. Today we learn the joke. In his desire to prepare some kind of boiling black tar substance Funky has missed a last second Hail Mary shot. And Holly shrieked in almost climactic ecstasy. Was this a playoff game? It’s so Batiukian to either be incredibly specific, (We are at the Ohio Music Educators Conference!) or frustratingly vague. (Our sportsball team is playing a non-specified game against a non-specified opponent.)

By the look on Funky’s face in the last panel, this will be more than just a petty annoyance to him. He looks like a man who has just shit his own pants upon noticing his grandchild playing in traffic while delivering a eulogy at his wife’s funeral.

Cuckoo for Cocoa.

Link to today’s strip

Comic Book Harriet, back in the saddle again. Taking over spurring this dead horse to flop listlessly forward another two weeks. I want to thank TFH for gallantly riding us through three weeks of absolute comic book nonsense. I don’t know if I had it in my heart to handle the cringe of Chester awkwardly trying to buy Ruby’s affections and/or loyalty.

If you weren’t paying attention to the clothing change, you might think that today’s strip was a continuation of Sunday. But no, they’re just plopped in front of the TV again on another day.

A couple questions. Who is playing? Why do they care so much? Must be an Ohio team. The jerseys of the two giants being shouted at by Danny Devito on the TV are on the red spectrum. Scapegoats matches would not be on TV right? The Cleveland Cavaliers have wine red jerseys. Ohio State has scarlet. University of Cincinnati is red. Youngstown State is cardinal. And Miami University in Oxford Ohio (founded in 1809)is also just plain old red.

Something we cannot question is this strip’s weird fixation on hot cocoa. Look at Funky lurching compulsively off the couch in search of hot sugar water. I mean, I really only drink the stuff once in a blue moon, usually around Christmas. Westviewians seem to use in all seasons it as some kind of comfort currency. I looked around, but this doesn’t seem to be a specifically Ohio or Great Lakes thing.

Batiuk does like to have his characters drinking something in strip. Making and offering each other drinks. Coffee usually, sometimes cold beverages, occasionally tea. I’m guessing it gives them a little something to do at in the panel rather than stare at each other seemingly motionless blathering inane dialogue. And I get it. My parent’s marriage entirely revolves around drinking coffee in proximity to each other.

But Cocoa seems to have a special place in his heart. As the beverage of choice when he wants to make his characters unbearably twee and childlike.

But Funky seems to have a special affinity for it. In a really creepy way.