Tony – Page 8 – Son of Stuck Funky

Ret-Kahn Time

I couldn’t resist one last awful Khan pun to close out the week. I guess the retcon panel is supposed to imply that Montoni’s managed to somehow survive in the worst commercial space in the entire world even in spite of the fact that the business was owned and operated by a complete imbecile with extremely low expectations. So as I pointed out yesterday, nothing has really changed in that town regardless of the current state of “the economy”…it’s a huge fail-hole populated by depressing, stupid people is all. Knowing how these people think, they probably rub the burn scars they got from eating “pizza on a stick” fondly while reminiscing about “the old days”.

I’d like to believe that Old Man Montoni would likewise be amazed by how unbelievably narcissistic and self-absorbed these idiots are and that he’d be appalled by how they always make everything about themselves. But he did live there too, so I doubt he’d even notice that anything was amiss with these clowns.

Back at Montoni’s Already!?

Welcome to the world, kid! The whole damn thing smells like garlic and stale bread. Poor Skyler. It’s almost unavoidable from the looks of today’s strip that he’s going to be a 20 year old dishwasher at Montoni’s, destined to have his wife deliver her baby there, too, shortly after they have their wedding there.

Does anyplace exist in Westview at all any more?! Why is this strip not called “Montoni’s and Moore” ?!

Paging Deathmask

Did you hear that? No, I’m not talking about the clumsily put “Darrin’s mother Lisa.” line, I’m talking about the whisper of Death, blowing across Westview, summoned by none other than Pa Pizza himself!

Deathy McKillerson may have to brush off his best tux from the look of things in Today’s strip, but it’s hard to tell if the last panel is supposed to be foreshadowing to a massive pepperoni-induced heart attack or just a joke that fell flat.

Mama Mia, Pizzeria!

Tuesday! Where we rush into a plot-line that we’ve literally already seen before. I’m not just just referring to when Darrin was born but in the 600 times his delivery was mentioned in the strip since. I mean, no wonder Darrin is having Deja-Vu about it, how many times has he had to sit through the story of his rush to the hosptial?

Odds that Fred is going to pop out of his medical drama to “help with the delivery” are looking pretty darned high from the looks of today’s strip.

She’s Having a Tired Plot Device

‘Ello! 4th-trumpet and Westview Waterboy DavidO is checking in, giving much-needed relief to Beckoning Chasm after BC’s two week run of excellent Funky snarking.

On to the funnies!

Hoo-boy. Put on your Members Only Jacket and throw on your Michael Jackson album because we’re about to retread over one of the tiredest troupes in situation comedy, the “Oh God, I’m having a baby, let’s duck into the nearest malfunctioning elevator that has a Rabbi, a mime and a 300lb guy who easily faints in it.” routine that was required in every sitcom, by congressional mandate, from 1983-1994.

Today’s strip throws logic out the window in favor of comedy, though I still don’t see how a panicked trip to the hospital where you gnaw your fingertips raw with anxiety constitutes comedy.

This sort of strip is great at illustrating why cell phones are the bane of screenwriters everywhere. In the age of instant connection, Jess could have just texted Durwood to come pick her up; she’s really feeling it and it’s almost time. The suitcase would already be in the car in that scenario; no need for a pregnant woman to go hauling it around.

I can’t peek ahead, so there’s no way of knowing if this arc is going to go on for weeks or if the Sainted Grandbaby will be enrolled in Westview High this time next month. Either way, prepare for every single worn out fumbling-dad-goes-to-the-hospital schtick ever seen in the last three centuries.