Westview High School – Page 46

The Blue Bird of Hideousness

Tom Batiuk’s slipping–there are barely any signs that Becky only has one arm. Someone who has never read the strip before would not get that information from today’s offering.

Harry Dinkle is one of those characters that I loathe–in my ranking he’s just below Les. Yet I don’t hate him in today’s episode. I think that’s because he’s substituted his typical sneering condescension with genuine bafflement; instead of finding someway to insult Twitter and its users, he simply admits he has no use for them and lets it go at that. (Of course, it wouldn’t be Funky Winkerbean without smirking condescension, so Batiuk gives the line to Becky.)

So, a Funky Winkerbean first–the only appearance thus far of Dinkle where my revulsion didn’t kick in instinctively.

That blue Dinkle-Twitter abomination on the other hand…wow, somebody had a really bad acid trip. I think I saw that thing chasing the Beatles around Pepperland.

Thus ends my time in the chair. I thank you for your wit and indulgence, and ask that you give it up for the fabulous DavidO!

Pop Will Eat Itself

Link to today’s strip.

Well, in fairness, that’s typically how high school popcorn/candy sales work. The parents will buy two or three, some relatives will be guilted into picking up a couple, and the seller doesn’t even have to stop lounging in front of the TY! Watching Elvis the Pelvis! You know, I think it’s time he had a haircut!

As I said, that’s how it usually goes. Though it’s kind of sad to see how little Les thinks of his charges; naturally, none of them are going to put any effort into this…or into anything else, ever, for the rest of their lives. Supposedly, Les is a teacher, and is supposed to inspire them. Instead, he would just prefer to offer yet another highly-punchable smirk. The man is a walking disease.

It’s surprising that he still has all his teeth.

Craigslist

Link to today’s strip.

I honestly don’t know anything about “senior class trips” so I don’t know if Craig’s question has a legitimate basis (“Can a senior still go if he’s in danger of flunking?”) or if this is just more “Today’s Kids–the Marching Morons” that this strip loves to toss onto today’s world.

A better question might be something like, “If you’re so gifted, Mr. Moore, why are all your students still idiots?”

As ever, the students are all clueless while the staff are cynical saints, weary of the impossible task of imparting knowledge. Does anyone remember Funky Winkerbean back in the Act I days–wasn’t it the reverse? The staff were all cynical tight-asses, dedicated to stopping fun, while the students were happy free spirits? Has Mr. Batiuk’s dim view of high school aged along with him, so that the heroes have shifted sides?

It’s something to ponder, from a strip that offers pretty much nothing to ponder, other than “Why is this still happening?”

Anus Major

“In a spirit of generosity”, Tom Batiuk really should put down his Funky felt tip, retire “Funky” and “Crankshaft”, and free up some real estate for some new talent in the fading genre of daily newspaper comics. TB waited almost a month to squander another Sunday’s worth of ink, newsprint, and Photoshop effects on a followup to Kablichnick’s Ursa Major “joke”. In today’s retelling, however, “Jim Twain” goes with our bobanero’s (funnier) punchline. Not so fast, teacher! Even dim Owen realizes we’ve heard this one. And it sucked. “But no, my friends,” teases Jim, in French to be extra condescending; he then recites the joke and delivers the punchline like a steaming turd before smirking blissfully and hitching his suspenders (the science teacher’s “mic drop”). Cody is appalled by this microaggression; deadpan Alex declares Jim to “comedically on fire” while visualizing him to be literally so.

Your genial host is “comedically extinguished” after serving as your host these last two festive weeks. Thank you, readers and contributors, for visiting and supporting the web’s premiere source for Funky Winkerbean snark, Son of Stuck Funky. I’m pleased and proud to preside over one of the smartest and funniest online communities I’ve even partaken in. The comedically sur le feu Beckoning Chasm takes over Monday. Happy 2016! —Votre ancien assiette en porcelaine, TFH

A Harry Little Christmas

Today’s strip, and this whole past week really, is brought to you by the letter Y.

As in why did this happen? Why are so many things explosively offensive in Westview? Why did no one at the syndicate read this before allowing it to be printed? Why did TB decide that Nate should suddenly become Carl Moss, except without the humor or incisive commentary on modern American public school administration? Why is there not even an attempt at a punchline in today’s strip? Why are there so few notes in the opening of “I’m Dreaming Of A Rainbow Holiday”? Why is the allegedly retired Harry Dinkle at the high school? Why hasn’t Lefty changed the locks to the band room? Why, if all music is sacred to Harry, do attempts to censor it not bother him? Why would I rather listen to an Elmo and Patsy record for 24 consecutive hours than continue asking “why” questions about this comic strip?