Dreck on the beach

I hope against all hope that today’s strip marks the end of this chapter of Les Goes To Hollywood And Gets All Pissy- Part II, particularly for the sake of our own spacemanspiff, who has to write up the next two weeks of strips. Trying to come up with words to describe this horror is not a task I would wish on my worst enemy… or even Tom Batiuk.

On the emptiest beach in California, Masone engages in some criminal activity that doubles as the dumbest cult ritual this side of the Lisa’s Legacy Run. Not one aspect of this stupid movie project has moved forward since October despite the fact that four weeks worth of strips have been expended covering the inactivity.

Not even the prospect of s’mores improves things, which is terribly sad.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “Dreck on the beach

  1. William Thompson

    Then did the gods say, “He offers us but one fucking dollar, and no s’mores? Let his wealth and fame become one with Ninny-vah and Tyre-sum!” Answered their messenger, “O Lords, never have I heard of those places.”
    The gods replied “They were as forgettable as that sycophant and his friends!”

  2. billytheskink

    Cindy and Cayla have turned into a palette swap of the same sprite.

    Maybe the Hollywood financing gods would prefer a human sacrifice, Masone, I hear they have a preference for late middle-aged men with glasses…

  3. Gerard Plourde

    As usual, this blog and the accompanying comments are more coherent and more entertaining than the strip itself.

    Also, I notice that the web address for Lisa’s Legacy appears in the margins again. I wonder if that’s become a permanent feature.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      lisaslegacyfund.org still throws a certificate error. And funkywinkerbean.com still has Funky saying “Christams cards. Today is January 19.

  4. William Thompson

    Fine, nimrod. Invest the rest of your money in this holocaust of a film. At least those smoke and ashes will be symbolic and non-polluting.

  5. Rusty Shackleford

    Oh there will be more burning of money if anybody is dumb enough to pick up this stupid story.

  6. Paul Jones

    Interesting choice, that. He’s ushering in an offense against cinema by committing a federal offense.

    • William Thompson

      Now I imagine Mason inside a burning paper bag on somebody’s doorstep.

      • CRM114

        It’s why I love to hate this strip. I have nothing against Mark Trail and his talking animals, or Billy and DeadGrampa, or even the busybody shrew Mary Worth. But after Buddy the Dog smirked, I would love to see a rain of misery fall on every character here. Seriously, is there one remotely likeable character in this strip? Does Batty interact with his public? Even the kid shown at a signing on his post looked like he was only asking for restroom directions and was anxious to get away. ” Quick, there’s someone near Batuik’s booth. Take a picture.”

  7. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Or this one…
    Please critique. Be honest, it’s the only way I’ll get better.

  8. So, participation in this fire ritual is the only thing that Less actually needed to be physically present for this week. All the other things could have been done via phone or email. Of course they could have done this two months ago in Ohio, in Less’s fire pit (certainly he has a fire pit) without anybody missing any work.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Well the students are better off without Les in the classroom, they may actually learn something instead of listening to Les analyze Lisa’s Story ad-nauseum.

      Class, I want you to write a paper comparing and contrasting Beowulf with Lisa’s Story. Be specific.

      For extra credit, compare the loss of Ahab’s leg to Lisa’s loss of her hair. What is the significance of this to her Kemosabe.

      • William Thompson

        Compare and contrast “On the Beach” with this scene.

        Both stories are bleak and grim, but that is where the similarities end. In “On the Beach,” everyone is depressed because they’re going to die, and they talk a lot about it. Here, they’re already dead, but they’re still depressed and talkative. The people in “On the Beach” have no hope for the future, while the people here make you hope they have no future.

        Also, “On the Beach” was written in English and is still relevant. Neither can be said of Funky Winkerbean.

    • comicbookharriet

      But Mason’s really lonely. He wanted friends to come to his bonfire party, Moooooooom, I mean Cindy.

  9. Ray

    “Mason likes to make a sacrifice to the Hollywood financing gods before each new movie.”

    So, he’s burnt what, 2 maybe 3 dollars? Or does he have a whole catalogue we haven’t been made privy to?

  10. Count of Tower Grove

    BWAWHAWHAWHAWHAW! It’s funny because Masone makes a premonitory sacrifice!

  11. What the hell kind of moon is that supposed to be? It looks like a hole in space-time.

  12. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Movie Darren does this before every new movie!”

    “Wow! So how many times in all?”

    “Including this one?”



  13. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    By the way… When Goatee Boy was told Maryanne Summers Winters might play Lisa, he said he didn’t like that. Did we ever find out why? That sounded like the beginning of a fairly long discussion. And yet BatWrite hopped right over it. Probably forgot about it too.


    • Count of Tower Grove

      “Indeed,” said Spock, as I posted yesterday, “Fungy readers really want to know.”

  14. Epicus Doomus

    Bonfire Of The Inanities, amirite?

  15. Banana Jr. 6000

    I’m struggling to determine what part of Tom Batiuk’s psyche this ritual is supposed to indulge. Because everything in FW exists to indulge something of his.

    I’m guessing it’s supposed to represent Hollywood’s flaunting of its wealth, in the faces of good, hard-working, talented Americans like Tom Bat… er, “Les.” It’s Mason saying “watch me burn 1/32000th of your annual teaching salary in a pointless act intended to appease our twisted gods, who bestow success and failure at their whim.”

    Alternate theory: this is Batiuk’s idea of “trippy.”

  16. hitorque

    This is the douchebaggiest thing I’ve seen a Funkyverse character do in a good long while