Epicus Doomus

WHY???!

Ban Tom Inc., the undisputed master of dropping stories, taking inexplicable breaks then going back to the old story again later, picks up Pete’s “Mister Sponge” comic arc with the issue already published and ready for sale. That sure was fast. And our old pal Owen now represents the army of devoted comic book dorks exploding in outrage over TAMS’ outrageous plot twist (the death of Absorbine Jr. or whatever it was), the very same comic book dorks Bantom was mocking just a few short weeks ago. So, should we be chuckling (ha) at his daffy comic book fan antics or should we be mocking him for being such a huge nerd? Is that way too much thought to be putting into the latest installment of Ban Tom’s ever-expanding list of fictional titles within a fictional title?

“Hot off the rack”. So is there some sort of comic book protocol that dictates that a new comic book must be placed in a comic book rack by a trained comic book professional before it can be sold to a comic book fan? Or is it like a regional thing, like how you can buy fireworks in Pennsylvania but only if you’re from out of state? I know, I know, too much thought again.

Nordic Thud

Link To Today’s Strip

Yuck. I’m assuming that someone out there knows all about whatever it is these two droning imbeciles are jabbering about, as I have no idea. And now that I know they’re into it, I have no desire whatsoever to look it up and find out for myself either.

I guess the “joke” is that “Nordic” people tend to have a gloomy pessimistic outlook on things, which is just an outrageously anti-Nordite statement to make IMO. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if that one guy in Sweden stops reading the strip over this slur. I like the idea of Les taking a dig at Funky for being such a dreary snore, though. Takes one to know one, beardo.

Make ‘Em Walk The Plank

Link To Today’s Strip

It’s all so clear to me now. This “Michael Spencer” guy is actually an international spy whose mission is to destroy The Internet from within. He needs Cindy to attract hits to his website but to get her on board he had to reach out to his old pal Mason Jarr and call in a favor. “Anchors aweigh” is the big clue here, as “Michael Spencer” obviously picked up that bit of nautical terminology while he was stowing away aboard some big cargo ship bound for Culver City. It’s a dead giveaway. He’s trying to tell us something…I mean it COULDN’T just be some typically awful Batominc wordplay again…or could it??

Anyhow, it really should be “anchor” as I don’t see any other ones in the frame, do you? Cindy’s weird descent into insane idiocy continues as she accepts BB’s pathetic “offer” after receiving a dinner invite text from our old pal Mason. It took me a second to figure out how and why those two things could be related, as Cindy could obviously still have met Mason for dinner without stupidly accepting BB’s crappy deal. But I think the idea here is that by staying in California she’ll be closer to Mason, which is all the impetus she needs to throw what’s left of her career and her dignity into the gutter. I just can’t believe he wrote this without realizing how pathetic it makes her look, but then again yeah, sure I can. Cindy: the strong modern businesswoman who’s seen it all and who makes rash career decisions based on texts from boys she likes. 1/4 inch my ass.

I guess MS is one of those people who only looks fat when he sits, right? I mean yesterday the guy was a bloated doughy blob and today he’s zipping around sipping his trendy glacier hipster vita-water, completely jowl-free. Whatever is in that water bottle, start selling it in Westview fast before the FDA gets wind of it. Man, if I ever see this Spencer guy again it’ll be too soon. Except I might not recognize him at first, depending on whether he’s sitting or not. But let’s hope it never comes to that.

The Endangered California Candor

Link To Today’s Strip

But wait a minute, how could BB know what they could afford if they knew they’d be relying on crowdsourcing revenue they hadn’t even received yet? Huh BanTom? Tell me, how could they know? Stop being all “vague” and TELL ME! How could they know, Tom? HOW COULD THEY KNOW??? It’s just amazing how he’ll completely contradict himself right in the middle of a story like that then get all mad at US (and the entire internet in general) when we point it out, like it’s our fault for remembering what happened yesterday.

And what the hell is up with this “reimagined digital content” bullshit? RE-imagined? Come on, Spencer my man, you gotta be kidding me here. And is it just me or has MS gained a considerable amount of weight since yesterday or what? He’s all pudgy and doughy all of a sudden in panel one then he goes from vaguely ethnic to full-on Don Ho in panel two. Again with the eyebrows, too. They’re like caterpillars trying to escape from his forehead and honestly, who could blame them?

The P(ure) BS Model

Link To Today’s Strip

Add PBS to the list of things in Ban Tom’s shaky and off-kilter gun sights. What, did they do a “Comic Strip Writers Who HAVE Won Pulitzers” roundtable discussion recently or something? Anyway, they’re actually not very similar at all, as PBS provides hours and hours of entertainment while Buddyblog consists of a few assholes sitting on the floor and a wildly smirking weirdo chuckling to himself like a moron after every idiotic self-deprecating comment about what a joke his business is. Send Spencer to Westview and the integration would be seamless, I’ll tell you what. It really is uncanny, he could walk into Montoni’s right now and hold his own with any of them.

TheAuthor’s personal grudges aside, it’s same old-same old today as he bludgeons the premise into the ground once more. These Internet start-up punks are a bunch of dopey jerks with no “business model” other than mooching and yadda yadda yadda what choice does Cindy have anyway because she’s old and faded and etc. The only real question is how long will it take for this to play out? Does he wrap it up by Sunday or does it carry over for another (ugh) week?