Son of Stuck Funky – Page 376 – Son of Stuck Funky

Monopolizing Time

It’s ten o’clock? And these two elderly people are still awake? My suspension of disbelief has been shattered. People over 80 go to bed by 9:00 at the latest. Period. And shouldn’t Mort be sundowning? After all nearly 2 in 5 patients with Alzheimer’s…oh, who are we kidding. Bill Bushka is currently more disabled than Mort here. Smoking has cured Mort’s Alzheimer’s and he now lives in Bedside Manor simply to hang with his rock band and shag all the Manorisms groupies.

Is there a speed Monopoly? My cousins and I used to play Monopoly for a while every Thanksgiving, but we only ever actually finished a game once. The last two players were locked in a monotonous monetary battle to the death for ten hours. In my experience, Monopoly isn’t a game you win or lose at, it’s a game you play for a while and then quit, and whoever quits with the most money feels like the winner, and whoever quits poor soothes their bitter resentment by telling themselves that if they had stuck with it a little longer they could have won. Monopoly is just like life.

The purpose of Monopoly isn’t to play it. The purpose of Monopoly is to sell it hundreds of times over via cool ‘branded’ sets; like Star Trek Monopoly, with properties to buy Vulcan and Romulus; or the Canada edition, with player pieces of a moose, a beaver, and a hockey player.

Maybe they’ll be playing Millennial Monopoly, where you win by accruing experiences rather than money, and you can land on a thrift shop, your parent’s basement, or a weeklong meditation retreat. The game sounds closer to depicting contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner than the last eight years of Funky Winkerbean strips.

No. No. No. No. No. No.

Link to Today’s Comic.

Why did I stay up late waiting for this strip to drop? Now I’ll have nightmares about what the rest of this week portends.

Also, Holly knew that Funky was giving Mort a safe sex talk earlier. So she knows that Mort is a randy old lion in winter prowling for some cougars to pounce on. So she must actually approve of the notion of her mother taking a roll in the hay with her father-in-law. Remembering how uptight her mom was on that long car ride from Florida, Holly may not be entirely wrong here.

Please DON’T have mistletoe.

Link to Today’s Comic.

I stayed up late waiting for this strip to drop. And thank Dead St. Lisa, we are no longer having ‘the talk.’ Instead Holly and Funky are entertaining their only two repeat customers.

And, actually, today’s strip is amusing enough, and does point out an actual weird lyric in a famous song. (There is a historical explanation,, but it’s within character for the Funky Bunch to not know it.) It isn’t a completely dead tradition though, I remember one Christmas where, on the tree, were envelopes with cash inside. Pretty good presents on that tree that year.

I have a feeling that Holly would hate me though. As a child that grew up on way too much MST3K, my logic sensors are primed to sniff out any tiny inconsistency and snark on it. What I’m saying is, I’m really relating to Funky in today’s strip…and isn’t that a terrifying thought.

When Part D Fails You.

Link to Today’s Comic.

For someone wearing a hole in his shirt patting himself on the back for writing about safe sex in the nursing home, Batiuk didn’t even do the barest minimum of research for any part of this strip at all.

Here’s five questions that immediately came to mind when reading today’s offering. I was able to answer them in seconds using ‘Grandpa Google.’

1.) Does Medicare cover Viagra? NOT USUALLY.
The only reason you could get Medicare to cover Viagra is if you had it prescribed by a doctor to treat pulmonary arterial hypertension. ED drugs are not covered by Medicare part D.

2.) Is Viagra expensive? NOT ANYMORE.
In June of 2017 Pfizer’s patent on sildenafil ran out, allowing anyone to produce generics. The price dropped from 60-70 dollars a pill, to the price today which can be well under 10 dollars for the right generic.

3.) Is Viagra a little purple pill? NO. Viagra is blue. Viagra has always been blue. Viagra is known all over as, “The Little Blue Pill.”

4.) So what is the ‘Little Purple Pill’? NEXIUM
The antacid Nexium uses the phrase, ‘The Purple Pill’ or ‘The Little Purple Pill’ in many of it’s TV commercials.

5.) If Mort’s been taking Nexium instead of Viagra, what are the likely consequences? DEMENTIA.

He knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know.

Link to Today’s Comic.

“I know what safety is! A wax pessary affixed with acacia gum! Just like my dad taught me!”

This really does confuse me. One, Mort is in a NURSING HOME, not a assisted living or retirement home. Where is he getting ‘safety’ materials if neither Funky nor the staff is providing them? I assume the staff would be providing them, and thus they would know that Mort didn’t need to have this uncomfortable talk with his son. Unless he’s bumming them off a friend.

And while it’s good that he won’t be getting any young nurses pregnant, I wonder if he knows there are plenty of great STD’s that most ‘safety’ measures don’t protect against. Warts, herpes, syphilis. After Mort has had the run of the place, I’m guessing Bedside Manor is crawling with more crabs than Cape Cod.
If I were Funky I’d clean off all that pubic hair covering my couch ASAP.