Son of Stuck Funky – Page 649 – Son of Stuck Funky

The Killing Bloke

Hi folks! SoSfDavidO here with another sneak peek into the workings of what went into making a comic book way back in the early 2000s in today’s strip!

Hoo-boy. Absorbing Junior. I’m assuming his sidekick has the same lame powers his big pal Mr. Sponge has but he can’t absorb as much. We’re talking pints to Mr. Sponge’s gallons.

If I know one thing about comics, (and this goes for books and movies, too) it’s that the target demographic wants a character they can not only identify with but fantasize about being. This is why Wolverine and Superman are so popular. Who wouldn’t want to fly, or be an invincible bad-ass?

This is also why Fantastic Four sucks so much. What kid wishes they could stretch their arms really long or be stuck as a walking orange cinder block? And the Invisible Woman? Geez, could that be more offensive? Johnny Storm is kinda cool but he’s a bit of a douchey showoff.

I’m trying to imagine some universe where Mr. Sponge could last as a super hero past a MadTV skit. It’s like watching Hell’s Kitchen and everyone is ordering risotto for a appetizer. It’s so dumb it’s baffling.

Dot The Eyes

Hi folks! SoSfDavidO here with another sneak peek into the workings of what went into making a comic book way back in the early 2000s in today’s strip.

Hey, great, just what this strip needs, another pudgy bald white guy that’s impossible to tell from another! I’m not sure what’s going on with Pete’s eyes but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on drugs and chalk it up to late night 4-Chan browsing sessions while downing a 6-pack of Jolt Cola.

Panel three Pete looks– well, I can’t read that expression at all but I think Batuik was going for “shocked” at the idea of of killing off a superhero for ratings. I mean, it’s not like DC Comics did that way back in 1992 or something.

It’s when in the Funkytime line, the early oughts? Comic companies were already crapping out zombie-variant themed books with multiple foil covers and crossing storylines over in such a way you had to buy 16 comics a month just to follow your favorite X-Man. The fact it’s all about the moolah should have been obvious to Pete even back in Westview when he was a collector.

Repete Week

Hi folks! SoSfDavidO here with a tip o the Funky Fedora for Beckoning Chasm’s most excellent stint here snarking! I feel like I’m following a bear on a unicycle juggling flaming chainsaws but here goes my hand at snarking on today’s strip.

From the looks of things, the Mr. Sponge story is still going on. Forgive me for a stifled yawn, but I don’t find story arcs about comic book writers all that… ABSORBING. Let’s SEA what TomBat came come up with after WETTING our appetite last week for this comic drama.

From the looks of things, it’s some kind of Popeye cross over? Is that misshapen blob wearing circus pants supposed to be recognizable as a human being? A word balloon is coming out of it, so I guess so.

Buckle up, ’cause we’re about to be treated to a full week of Tombat imagining what it was like to work for a major comic publisher in the early 2000s!

The Never Mind

Link to today’s strip.

Let’s leave aside the fact, a year or so ago, that the Lord of the Late was revealed to be just an aspect of Pete’s personality. That alone should banish him from the strip. (Imagine a monster, long since revealed to be Old Man Carruthers, the Caretaker, returning to menace the Scooby Gang as the same monster. They’d go right to the mask-pulling without even pausing for a musical number.)

Let’s also leave aside the charming picture of Pete furiously picking his nose in the penultimate panel. And let’s leave aside what is going on with the hand in panel four (first one on the bottom).

Instead, I have to wonder–has Tom Batiuk ever read a comic book? Because Super Villain Rule Number One is that you have to bedevil your designated hero at every opportunity. Saying “I’ll let the internet be mean to him” is just not done. Imagine the Joker refusing to plot against Batman because he notices the Batmobile parked in a loading zone or something, and is just giddy at the idea of Batman getting a traffic ticket. I mean, why is the Joker even there if he’s not going to act?

Same with the Lord of the Late. Why is even here, if his sole purpose is to announce that he’s not going to do anything? Making Pete “woefully late” is all he does. (Well, in theory. In actual fact, Pete always comes up with a remarkably stupid idea to save his career at the last moment.)

Granted, that’s not the worst thing a Funky Winkerbean character can do. At least it’s not Owen, asking why Humphrey Bogart didn’t use his jet-pack to rescue Ingrid Bergman in that poorly thought-out Casablanca film. It’s not Holly telling Dick Tracy, “It’s not what you eat, it’s when you eat it.” And it’s not Les doing, well, anything.

I mean, he’s not really here solely so we can hear about “internuts,” “twitter tots” and “tweet revenge” is he? Because that’s just sad. Look, Mr. Batiuk, I know you don’t enjoy criticism–few people do. But here’s how you get it to stop. Start actually writing stories, using interesting characters, and–this is key–ask for a new editor, one who will push you to use your strengths rather than sign-off on your work without even reading it.

Yes, I know, that’s not going to happen. It’s far easier to insult people and get all huffy than it is to change the path of a runaway truck. So it’ll be all dreck, all the time, on the way to that magical 50th. The thing is, the critics will be right along for the ride–you can’t shake them by having nothing happen in your strip, because that’s a choice as well.

Well, folks, I can see the sunshine finally appear as my SoSF guest-host stint finally comes to an end (for now). Please welcome David O as your new dungeon master starting tomorrow, as we ask the musical question, “Whose idea was this?”

The Enthusiasm of the Prey

Link to today’s strip.

Once again, we’ve shed every member of the “official” Funky Winkerbean cast, and replaced them with losers. Look at those faces in panel one. The dialogue in today’s strip is completely irrelevant–these people are talking about how the Funkyverse has crushed them.

Much as we make fun of Tom Batiuk’s artwork, this image–

–is perfect. This is the face and the stance of a man who not only hates what he does for a living, he hates himself for doing it. This man has seen every bubble of his soul popped cruelly in front of his eyes, and he hates himself for not turning away. Just put one foot in front of the other for another couple of hours, man, he thinks, then let the endrunkening commence.

This man, on the other hand–

–this man doesn’t hate himself. Oh, if you asked him he would say he sure does, but this is the face of a man who has had all emotion crushed out of him–like an Amazing Mister Sponge that’s been twisted in the hundred evil hands of the evil Doctor Centipede, to borrow an image. He wishes he could hate himself; at least he would feel something then. So what if I don’t have the energy to get out of my chair, he thinks, it just means my body will be found here tomorrow rather than weeks later in my apartment. And that’s the best I can hope for. Open casket, before I start to decompose. Yeah, that’s my only goal now.

The boredom and depression are now the only friends these men have, now that it has fully sunk in what this new job entails–ginning up enthusiasm for changing the “The Amazing Mister Sponge” from 1940’s Captain Marvel to the 21st century Batman. White Shirt Man hopes, if that’s the right word, for a fatal paper cut. Glasses Man fears the future so hard all he can do is repeat his punishment, as the only reality he will ever know.

Moments after panel one was drawn, White Shirt Man succeeded in casting off this veil of drears; his replacement, Cardboard Cut Out Man, looks up to the task. Glasses Man perks up at the idea of getting the internet to do his work for him, holding back the knowledge that casting off this task will only make the oncoming ones to follow even worse. Later, alone, the tears will come. They always do.