Cayla – Page 44 – Son of Stuck Funky

Apocalypse, Huh?

Whew! For a second there I thought she said “chemotherapy” and I was all like, “oh noes, not again!”. But nope, no cancer today, just a racially-insensitive and weirdly out-of-context remark from Cayla as DickFace tries desperately to think. And suddenly the “where will the reunion be?” odds shift somewhat, as Les’ house makes a bold narrative move on the outside. And by “bold” of course I mean “cripplingly stupid”.

Just look at him today…gak. He’s all worked up after totally botching his reunion organizing duties (mostly due to his incessant whining and simpering) while Cayla (correctly) browbeats him. Having that “in memoriam” board in her house might finally push her over the edge, or at least we can hope. I just can’t see how they could possibly fit that massive thundering herd into Moore Manor, I mean have you seen the size of those people? Mary Sue alone will just ruin those floor joists.

“Worse would have to come to the end of the world…”, is it just me or is that one of the clumsiest sentences ever? You’ve heard of syntax? Well, FW is syntaxing to read. And look at. And think about. And isn’t it funny how everyone in Westview speaks in cultural references from the 1950’s? I somehow doubt that young Cayla Williams spent her weekends watching “The Lone Ranger” and old westerns down at the local movie house, seeing how she was born in the late 1960s or early 1970s and all. Someone send him a link to Urban Dictionary or something.

Luckily, The Other 1% Are Already Dead!

Link To Today’s Thing.

No one can go from maudlin to goofy quite like the BatTom can. In this week’s installment of “The Most Annoying Man In The World”, it seems that Les (who up to this point has done nothing but mope and complain) has forgotten to book a venue for the thirty-seventh-and-a-half (or whatever) class reunion, which means the entire class will despise him EVEN MORE, as unlikely as that seems. Nice work there, dingus. What a dick.

Now longtime FW readers already know what this means. When there’s an event in need of a venue, it usually means it’s Montoni’s to the rescue. After all, what other local venue even exists? So let’s take a look at the tote board and examine the “where will the WHS reunion be held?” odds, shall we?

Montoni’s – even. By far the most likely outcome, plus Funky and Holly won’t have to walk too far. And pizza!

WHS – 5-1. Les (Cayla too) does, after all, work there. He could probably finagle some sort of deal with Principal Nate and hold the reunion at WHS itself, which would be pretty weird, but definitely plausible. And sepia-toned gym rope flashbacks!

Les’ house – 10-1. Seems sort of implausible, but not totally out of the question. And it could rain!

Gazebo Park – 50-1. I suppose it’s possible and there’s the possibility of rain and maybe even lightning (aka “hilarity”), but still. I just don’t see it.

Komix Korner – 200-1. Lord knows there’s enough room, as all John would have to do is kick Owen and Alex out for a few hours. But it’s pretty unlikely, unless they go for some sort of comic book-themed reunion. Which is never totally out of the question. But I just can’t see that thundering herd making it up that staircase, not even single-file.

CL

Link to today’s strip, when it appears.

So, I asked recently if Les Moore has ever done anything, since his “chairmanship” of the Coming Reunion Committee seems to involve him handing his duties to other people. Apparently, the answer is “no,” since we now learn that the one job he had to do–find a location–was not done. In fact, I’m gathering it wasn’t even discussed.

Now, this is remarkably stupid, even for this comic strip. I’ve never planned a reunion, but I’d think one of the first items on the agenda would be to decide on a location, since everything else kinda depends on that. But Les didn’t think of that, and not one of the ninnies he was directing thought to ask. Wow.

So Les is a FAILURE at scouting and selecting a location, and he’s a FAILURE at heading the Coming Reunion committee. No wonder he doesn’t want to do anything, and moans when he has to. He’s a FAILURE at everything he does. He should have pointed this out to Cindy right from the start and saved them all the heartburn.

Speaking of heartburn, sigh, of course we know how this little episode will resolve itself–Funky will be gracious, and somewhere near the end of this week or the next, Funky will smugly proclaim, “We don’t call Montoni’s the Chapel of Reunions for nothing!” as the class of ’78 sits down to grease-laden pizza slices. There are times when the strip is bafflingly unpredictable, and other times when you can see the denouement coming from miles away.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that this is my 150th post on this blog. (Hence the Latin numeral title.) Good grief (as another well-known blockhead was wont to exclaim). I’m not sure whether to celebrate or mourn, to be honest. One hundred and fifty? You blockhead!

As always, I thank you for your indulgence and your courtesy. Tomorrow, the incomparable Epicus Doomus takes over; be prepared to be entertained as he regales you with tales that witness madness…while I ponder, weak and weary, what my 151st post will bring, when next I resume the host’s chair. Until then…pleasant…dreams? Ha ha ha ha ha!

In Memory Yet Gr

Link to today’s strip.

I’ve not heard of a memory board, and at first I thought it might be a “In Memorium” thing for all the students who died and thus were unable to attend. Look at that giant pile of photos, I thought. The high school must have been built on a toxic waste dump from an abandoned nuclear plant that was built on an Indian graveyard.

Then I saw that Cindy had a photo of Les, so I guess a memory board is just a “here’s what you looked like before you got old, fat, and bald!” poster. But then I went back to my first thought, and I wondered if this was Cindy’s way of saying she was going to kill Les! That would be awesome, go Cindy go! At last a character whose dreams and aspirations we can all get behind. Here’s to a new era in Funky Winkberbean!

Of course, back to reality–contemporary reality, of course, with its issues–we go. Look at Les in panel one. Oh, oh, oh, poor little unappreciated me. Oh, woe is me, no one is capable of understanding me. Boo hoo hoo. I cannot understand why his face isn’t tattooed with bruises from the rain of punches he must receive every day.

Memorial Day

Link to today’s strip.

Memorial Day is the holiday wherein we remember those who gave all so that we might be free. In Westview, however, Memorial Day is when you remember when you were in high school. For a strip that prides itself on “contemporary issues,” Tom Batiuk sure seems mired in nostalgia.

Last week, we had Detestable Dinkle; we’ve now been handed Loathsome Les. Talk about a one-two punch–the only thing that could make this worse is if was Dinkle himself handing over the box. “The missus and I thought you could use these marital aids; we’ve worn these out, but don’t want to throw them away.”

And of all the storylines that Mr. Batiuk has juggling, he figures the one we’re most anxious to get to is this high school reunion thing. As I’ve said before, I cannot for the life of me imagine why they bother having a reunion–every member (still living) who graduated from that class sees every other member, every day. There’s not a lot of catching up to do. Now, if the actual reunion appears and we see folks all bored, sitting around and not talking, then I will salute Tom Batiuk for a joke well-played. I have a feeling that won’t happen, though. These sorts of things seem to be too vital to him–not a laughing matter, as it were, and another dull story to suffer through.

Granted, none of the other stories currently in mid-stride are interesting either–the band box is utterly trivial, and we know Pete as script doctor is going nowhere–but they at least contain the possibility that a new location, or a new character, or new anything might happen along. Instead, we get badly-drawn Les (my only reaction to panel two is What the Hell?!). Anything involving Les is clouded by noxious fumes. At least he doesn’t say anything this time; he and Cayla are too involved in watching “Miffed Man” on television. Ding dong! Why, who could that be?

Who indeed!