Cindy – Page 49 – Son of Stuck Funky

Past Dense

Even time travel is a snore in the Funkyverse. Crazy discovers a time portal and the only thing that comes to mind is to invite his dimwitted pals to gawk at it. Then they make inane stupid “observations” in a way that suggests they’re not all that impressed. Totally Batiukian. Maybe they could travel back to 1972 or whatever and convince Batom to get himself a nice accounting degree or something.

God, is Lisa irritating or what? Why is she even there? I don’t think she even attended WHS in the first place. And I’m sorry, but retcon photo album corners go with sepia-tone, otherwise it’s totally inappropriate. And why is Crazy the only one that remembers any of this? Sigh. I hope they eventually jump into this thing, as right now it appears they’ll be talking about it for a week and a half.

The Dud Pool

Link To Today’s Strip

No worries there Bull, as it’s a safe bet that you won’t be finding any jokes around here. TFH has helpfully informed me that this “time pool” idiocy has something to do with (surprise) comic books, which (surprise) instantly caused my eyes to glaze over as usual. In case you’re newer around here, that’s Funky, Holly, Crazy, Lisa, DickFace, Cindy and Bull. You see, back “in the day” Crazy had a magical locker that opened up into a far-out stoner hangout room where he listened to pizzas on his turntable, played air guitar and apparently lived. No, I’m serious. It might have been helpful to take a day to explain this to newer FW readers. Ha, just kidding, as there are no newer FW readers.

Anyhow, as usual BanTom retcons the past all wrong, as Bull and Cindy never hung out with drips like Les and Lisa. In fact, I don’t remember Lisa EVER hanging with the gang in Act I, unless her water was breaking or whatever. Holly (sigh) did however always wear that dopey outfit, so that’s accurate at least.

Retcon Lisa is just as grating as she’s ever been, dropping a “topical” reference where she refers to Carl Sagan’s old PBS show that was all the rage back when she was alive and still childless. She was way uglier than that back then too. I prefer her dead anyhow, so maybe I’m biased. Perhaps we’ll get to capture a glimpse of what FW might have been like if TB had allowed her to survive. My guess is that it would have been just as boring, but with Lisa.

We Don’t Call Him Batty For Nothing

Link to today’s strip

Hey gang, it is I, Epicus, ready to steer the S.S. SoSF through a magical journey where time and newsprint collide in a cavalcade of…well, not really. It’s just another whacked-out FW arc. But still.

Apparently the muttering ~~mailman~~ comic book store lackey Harry is mindlessly jabbering about some sort of “time pool” he had stashed in his super-secret high school locker. Wonder if there’s a Pulitzer in there? Probably not….ZING! Just when you didn’t think it would be possible for the huge reunion arc to get any dumber, here you go. If you were born after 1980 this probably makes no sense whatsoever to you, but trust me, by the end of the week it won’t be much clearer.

In case you’ve already forgotten about the last time travel arc, Funky went into a coma after turning down a vodka and orange after dumping Pa Bean at Bedside Manor, during which he visited his younger self and advised his younger self to purchase a copy of “Starbuck Jones” #1, which he used to save his business after cocking it all up somehow (which happened way before the coma, BTW). Then that bit of drollery was forgotten and all of a sudden SJ # 576 (or whatever) was the priceless collectible one. I know, but seriously, that’s how it happened. Betcha this one is WAY better than that one was!!!

Lockerpalooza

Harry suddenly seems confused and agitated and is speaking nonsensically, suggesting a neurological or psychotic event. Holly, rather than becoming alarmed, calmly and resignedly responds. She’s seen it before: not only for countless hours standing behind the counter as Harry guzzled free coffee and held court in Montoni’s, but even back in high school, where he was constantly doing weird shit like inviting the gang into his locker.

We Both Are So Excited ‘Cause We’re

I will admit that I’m maybe the only one around SoSF who likes the way Batiuk draws a kiss. That, and the backs of peoples’ ears, are on the very short list of things that TB, in my opinion, gets limnistically right. I know some are repulsed by Batiuk’s habit of erasing the border between the kissing characters’ faces, making them appear to be fused together at the lips. And maybe Cindy’s arm around Mason’s neck is awkward. But the closed or half-closed eyes, the attitudes of the heads…there’s a sweetness. I’m not kidding.

But we’re not letting Tom totally off the hook. Though we totally presume that these two jumped into the sack at the earliest opportunity, today’s airport kiss is meant to signify true romance. But she’s expressing a wish “to be reunited with” Mason when a) they haven’t spent all that much time together, and b) she hasn’t left yet.

★★★Son of Stuck Funky wishes everyone a Safe and Happy Independence Day!★★★