Cory – Page 5 – Son of Stuck Funky

Snarky Answers To Stupid Questions: Holiday Edition

“No, it’s my father’s room. He has some pretty severe developmental issues.”

“No, it was my bedroom when I DIDN’T live here, you clod!”

“Whaddya mean “when I lived here??”

Those bedroom eyes are pretty freaky, eh? I wonder if he’ll ever actually marry these two or if they’ll be perpetually engaged, like how Boy Lisa and Jessica are perpetually” young kids just starting out”? It’s uncanny how Batom always misses the most obvious story arcs. Like with these two. Cory comes home, gets engaged, gets married in a quick blow-off Sunday strip, tells everyone he’s moving away to Chattanooga or wherever and bam, out of the strip. No need for updates, forced dialog and etc. Quick and easy. I mean who would care anyway?

And Not A Creature Was Stirring, Except In Mort’s Pants

Link To Today’s Strip

Good old horndog Morton, fully recovered from his advanced Alzheimer’s disease and as randy as ever. Gross. I honestly forgot all about Melinda, who apparently still lives with Funky and Holly in Pizza Mahal. And Cory and Rocky…apparently they’re still characters in the strip. Who knew? Other than the fact that they’re engaged we really know very, very little about Cory and Rocky. Comic books, pizza, the army, engaged…and that’s about it. They’ve had one or two arcs at most over the last six or seven years and those were when he first came marching home.

Where do they live? Where do they work? What do they do? Why are they even in the strip in the first place? Continuity? That’s, uh, “inconsistent”, let’s say. As far as Morton is concerned I don’t want to belabor the point as I’ve ranted about it many times, but his transformation from “advanced dementia patient” to “sassy and adorable old coot” is one of the more offensive things BatYarn’s done over the course of Act III. He milked that Alzheimer’s arc for a shitload of pathos, it really takes a lot of balls to just suddenly drop it and have Mort jamming with jazz combos and hitting on elderly women.

Snappy Answers To Pizza Questions

Link To The Thing

“No, it’s what’s left of my dignity. I’m taking it out to the dumpster.”

“No, obviously they’re comic books, YOU CLOD!”

“No, it’s an IED. Now excuse me, I have to get to the post office.”

It’s impossible not to laugh at panel one, as it’s SUCH an imbecilic question. They work in a pizzeria, Cory is holding a pizza delivery bag and he’s walking toward the exit. What the f*ck else would it be? Something tells me that Adeela might not be pizzeria manager material.

“Use my driver’s license”…hmmm, I never really thought about it like that before. And who the f*ck is their “driver”? You mean there’s ANOTHER as-yet-unknown Montoni’s employee out there? How is that even possible? And they work together, why wouldn’t they call this “driver” by his or her name? Who speaks like this? Am I to believe this situation NEVER arose before now? How is THAT even possible?

It’s OK It’s Not Loaded I’m A Good Driver Don’t Worry Wally

Link To Today’s Installment

What could go wrong…INDEED! Boy, this Pulitzer Nominee Guy just can’t tell a linear story no matter what. We already know something is definitely going to go wrong, but now instead of actually seeing it happen we’ll get day after day of moronic pizza banter and Crankshaft references. Then the Saturday cliffhanger, then repeat…and repeat…and repeat. Why can’t the goddamned thing go wrong on Monday, just once? Sigh. Does anyone know what day of the week Lisa actually died? Had to be a Friday, right? Or did he drag that out through the Sunday strip too?

Ruined in What Way?

Link to today’s strip.

Other than taking place at Montoni’s, I don’t see how “date night” has been “ruined” in any way. Unless the BMV was hundreds of miles away, Wally and Adeela should have gotten back well before any form of “night” started to fall. Perhaps, once back at Montoni’s, Adeela talked and talked forever about how awesome it is to have a driver’s license (which I would not put past any character in this strip), but it should still be late afternoon at most.

And even if she was excited about her achievement, she knows that Wally’s generosity put him on thin ice with Rachel; a decent person would have said “Wally, thank you for your help, enjoy your date tonight!”

I’ll grant you that decent people are not found anywhere in this strip, but it would have been the right thing to do under any circumstances.

Not to mention, prior to the test, “Say, Wally, are you sure you can do this? Isn’t tonight your date night?” Of course, we would have missed the last two scintillating weeks, but….

Oh! I’ve got it–there was another Time Jump, though only a few hours this time! Sure, that’s it!

And the kicker is, Wally and Rachel are right there at Montoni’s, where (for some reason) they wanted to end up anyway. What’s to stop their “date night” now, other than Batiuk’s fear some lightheartedness will detract from his serious “talking about driving” arc? Rachel looks as puzzled as I am. Well, she looks like she’s rethinking this whole “Wally” thing, but close enough.

And Batiuk’s plugging of Crankshaft is definitely irksome. I’m surprised Adeela didn’t follow up with “Is there a convenient link a person could click on to learn more about this Crankshaft? Thank you!”