Darin – Page 42 – Son of Stuck Funky

Charity Case for Second Base

Hello Funkysnark Fans! Comic Book Harriet here. And I am soooo honored to be with you this week! This is my first time driving the bus! But as long as I don’t go careening off any cliffs like a drunk on prom night, I think we should be okay.

And for my first strip we have an almost ‘Mark Trail’ set up, with a building cheerfully spouting expository dialogue. I do have to applaud the scene setting in the first panel. We know we’re in Beverly Hills because a vapid looking, overly skinny, socialite, in a back-exposing top has wandered into traffic and is about to get mowed down by a blue Porsche. It could use some topical Hollywood harassment, but these strips are written months in advance.

Boy Lisa, and the person who exists so Boy Lisa has someone to talk to when Droopy Eyes McSadWriter isn’t around, are gearing up for the only thing that really matters in Funkyverse: Comic Book Cancer (Charity Action).

I am totally baffled by Mrs. Flowers in The Attic saying the title of the auction as ‘Covers for the Cure.’ It seems to be followed by BoyLisa suddenly realizing they forgot to promote this event. Or maybe that ‘Covers for the Cure’ would be a better promotion than whatever they chose. Which is probably something like’ Starbuck Saves Second Base!’ But why would the young Miss Darling say it in the first place if it wasn’t the title of the event?

Are you excited for a week of fictional strips that serve as cheap advertising for a real life auction for a real life charity that honors the tragic death of a fictional character? Because I sure as heck am!

WorthJess Gesture

Link To Today’s Strip

No preview today…deal with it. My best guess: it’ll continue to feature the perpetually useless Boy Lisa and his equally annoying pal Pete slobbering over those stupid Starbuck Jones covers that no one on earth cared about as recently as a day ago. The history of SJ is so convoluted at this point it’s beyond rational explanation anyway, so sure, the covers are actually rare national treasures now. Whatever.

Update: Phil Holt died for these jerk-offs? A completely disinterested Jessica (who could blame her at this point) yawns at the garbage her husband keeps dragging into the house. Then upon realizing that Darin’s latest comic book crap could possibly generate a nice cash windfall for herself, she lights up in one of the more grotesque displays of sheer wanton greed I’ve seen in this comic strip since, well, since yesterday, when Pete actually expressed envy over not receiving a dead man’s possessions. What the f*ck is wrong with these people?

The Shape of Things to Come

Link to today’s strip.

Can’t think of much to say about this one, except I’m sure the “book tour” will be excruciating. I don’t know what Les means about a physical trainer helping him to look less old than he is–he needs a beautician (or, even better, a mortician) for that. I wonder if the original word was not “older” but “fatter”? That makes more sense, though it also implies Les might be flawed, and we just can’t have that. Les will grow older, as everything does, but he is not in bad physical shape. Certainly not like some people we could mention.

The stupid non-punchline is made worse by Dullard’s reaction–

Back when I watched a lot of anime, that face meant over-the-top enjoyment, as if a person got a surprise birthday party, or a piece of cake, or saw a really dreamy boy, or something along those lines. If Dullard is so wrought by Les’ idiot statements, then he is even more worthless than I thought possible.

Of course, it could be that I’m looking at this the wrong way, and that Dullard has been affected by Les in the same way that the takers of dimethyltryptamine-19 from Banshee Chapter were affected:

If so, that would be the most interesting development this strip has had in decades…which of course, takes it right off the table. Darn it!

The Words Get In The Way

Link to today’s strip.

(Sorry I’m late! Things…happened…)

Panels one and two are the funniest things I’ve seen in this strip for a long time. “This is the cover for ‘Prelude'” says Dullard, handing Les an image that’s got PRELUDE written on it in huge letters. Does Dullard have the same contempt for Les that the rest of us have? Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all!

Just kidding. Dullard is thoroughly hateable, and if he likes to insult Les to his face, that’s not mitigating enough.

Normally, the titles and such wouldn’t be done by the artist, but by a typographer–so, if this was normal, Dullard might have to explain which cover went with which book. But as you can see, Tom Batiuk didn’t even bother to change the author name to “Les Moore,” so this is exactly what it looks like–an advertisement. Remember that $80 behemoth that Fearless Leader found? Gotta get the word out!

I still find it hard to believe that anyone could read 862 pages of Les Moore. That sounds like an elaborate suicide attempt, albeit much more painful than the traditional ones.

Door-To-Door Dullard

Link to today’s strip.

The problems of working a year in advance are many, but this instance sets up a lovely contrast with reality. I’m sure you can all see the headline on “Variety” there, trumpeting the Starbuck Jones movie’s success. Well, IMDB has a headline that’s probably nearer the mark:

I still find it odd that there’s no room in Funky Winkerbean for anyone’s success but Les Moore…that we’re told of the movie’s success by an off-hand headline that you kind of figure Tom Batiuk didn’t want to put in at all. I wonder if the new artist said, “Damn it, I spent a couple of hours drawing all that Starbuck Jones crap, so it better be a hit film!”

Oh, and speaking of a pile of festering garbage, there he is, smirking away! He doesn’t get a line today, but we all know that won’t last.

I have to admit, I like the level of detail on the doorframe. It’s meaningless and adds clutter to the image, but damn if someone didn’t decide that you just can’t have a doorframe without all the holes for the locks and such. Pity none of those locks actually work, as it didn’t keep Dullard from wandering right in, but look at it this way: they also wouldn’t keep an insane murderer out, either.

Hint, hint.