Frankie – Page 5 – Son of Stuck Funky

Film Food Flim Flam

Looks like it’s Frankie’s lucky day, which by my calculations will mark his first lucky day since way, way back in Act I when his poodle-headed cockeyed homely nerd girl fantasy finally came true. Now comes the part where he concocts a phony story about Mason and Marianne, which will send Cindy into a violent huge-fonted rage. So predictably BanTom. And that dialog is just atrocious…”even when I didn’t believe in myself”…LOL, once again Batiuk just uncannily captures the way “real” women speak.

The whole Film Food thing continues to amuse me to no end. Look at that set-up, chairs, fancy-schmancy two-pronged forks and everything. He must have spent a small fortune on that thing, not to mention the licenses and permits and so forth. Seems like a lot of work and expense to go through just to obtain some gossip, he could have just used a fraction of that money to bribe someone or something.

And this whole “Mason is merely mentoring his younger fellow actor and not trying to hit on her at all” thing he’s doing with these two is making me queasy. Wasn’t his fiancee totally melting down just a few minutes ago in strip time? His first reaction was to grab an intimate bite at a mysterious food truck with his co-star then volunteer to meet her mother? Obvious Mason hasn’t been in too many committed relationships before, as getting closer to the perceived enemy your significant other despises tends not to work very well in most cases.

Paper or Plastic Dirt-Bag?

Link to today’s strip.

Never mind the title of this entry; sometimes it’s really hard to be clever, as Frankie (and a certain cartoonist) can well attest. So, like a certain cartoonist might say, you grab a word out of the material in front of you and think, “What goes with ‘dirt’?” You might find yourself surprised by your findings. And not in a good way.

Anyway. So, Frankie and Lenny see Mason and Marianne walking away toward the studio soundstage.

Somehow, this gives Frankie ideas. Big ideas–the kind his boss, Fred Flintstone, wants. The kind he knows Fred will see, and he’ll get that maniacal gleam in his eyes. “Boys,” he’ll say, “boys, this–this is good. This is really, really good. Yabba-dabba-do!”

And, using a bit of imagination, I can see the headlines now:

As Alfred E. Neuman once offered, “Perfect for framing or wrapping fish!” What he once said about his own portrait might now apply to certain sections of the newspaper in their entirety.

DuMbZ Part 3 in 3-D

Link to today’s strip.

Oh Good God. You know, the other day when I said that Frankie’s big scoop would be “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ in Torrid Affair,” I was kidding. I didn’t think that anyone, and I mean anyone, would notice such an innocent-looking stroll and think, “Oh, boy, look at the scandal right in front of me–here’s my next paycheck!”

Frankie is really, really bad at this villain business. Sure, I recognize that he has the requisite sleaze factor (based solely on the fact that Westview hates him, so who knows if that sleaze actually exists). But he would also have to have some kind of journalistic ability, and the judgment necessary to recognize when a story is not a story, and vice-versa. And italics.

Of course, I don’t know why Clean-Shaven Fred Flintstone is even taking the time to berate them. In case he didn’t notice, the network already ran with both of these stories. It’s way, way too late to decide they just aren’t up to snuff. It’s also hard to tell his reporters, “Don’t do that thing that we used, and that we paid you for. Just stop doing that. What? What should you do instead? I don’t know. I’ll let you know after we run your work in prime time.”

Unless…the last two days were a dream sequence for Frankie? I would not put it past this comic strip to pull that one.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Link to today’s strip.

Yeah, I know, Frankie’s been there for several weeks, but how could I resist that title?

There’s a marked difference in tone when Tom Batiuk loves a character (Les), hates a character (Bull et al) and when he doesn’t give a damn about a character (a lot of them).

Mason seems to fall into this third category; once Batiuk got the pun through, he really seemed to lose interest in Mason. Oh sure, he’s a nice guy, well off, generous to a fault (or a Darrin), a bit dim, very good at calming Cindy’s many fears…other than that, he’s a paper towel. He’s there to get the job done and that’s it.

Cindy seems to be somewhere in the half-world between hatred and indifference. On the one hand, she’s a mass of neuroses which need constant tending; she’s rude to every female she meets; and she gave up on Funky. On the other, she’s been given a guy who goes out of his way to help her feel good about herself. The only other person who has had such a devoted mate was…Les Moore. It may be that now she’s “old” and feels terrible about her condition, she’ll be allowed some relief.

Though I would have said that about Bull up until last week. He was actively trying to cut down on bullying in the school, wanting to atone for what he’d done as a student. And then he got handed his ass. That still seems like the cruelest blow ever struck by this strip (though BillyTheSkink’s rundown of Coach Stropp’s last days seems definitely worse).

I guess in Tom Batiuk’s mind, Bull was turning out to be an “okay” person, a candidate for possible redemption, until Tom Batiuk happened to thumb through one of the high school yearbooks that he keeps close at hand, and noted that the guy who bullied him in school was named “Jerome,” and then something snapped.

And now, taking up the entire stage right, we have Frankie. This is not my favorite drawing of Frankie. This–

–is my favorite drawing of Frankie. Look at that openly happy and joyous expression! There’s a man about to explode with happiness–or a man surgically altered for transfer to the “Popeye” comic strip. He’s also hiding a turkey baster in his shirt, which shows preparedness! Unless that’s Kuato waking up.

Despite his status as a villain, Frankie is another character that Tom Batiuk seems to have no idea what to do with. (Sorry about the grammar, there.) It’s clear that Batiuk wants a villain (not recognizing that Les Moore fits that role to a T), but it’s also clear that he doesn’t want a real villain–someone that could only be defeated through cleverness and *cough* work. Hence, Frankie is always portrayed as somewhat hapless and unprepared, and his schemes (such as they are) are so blatantly stupid that even a half-wit like Darrin doesn’t fall for them. With a spot of cleverness, Frankie’s schemes could probably work; all he needs to do is disguise his intent somewhat and the Westview morons would fall into line. Unfortunately, that “spot of cleverness” will always be lacking. Because there can only be one “smart” person in the comic strip. And anything that takes away from Les Moore’s lustre is not to be permitted.

So…any guesses as to the form his latest scheme will take? A headline like “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ in Torrid Affair!” seems likely. Of course, “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ Enjoy Ice Cream!” is also a good guess. Remember, this is Frankie we’re dealing with.

Off Track

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. today’s strip returns to the Frankie plot-line which is horrible for two reasons:

1. Whatever these two dopes are plotting, please get on with it! Talking in veiled, coded language just confuses everyone. Even if you came right out and said what your Big Plan was we’d probably still be confused because it’s going to be something really, really dumb.

2. Most of last week’s black and white rambling from Jupiter Jones ended up going absolutely nowhere. One could credit this as a slow-burn sort of plot building but there’s so many loose ends that never get returned to I’m guessing there’s a good chance the jealousy Cindy has may not even be visited again.