Funky – Page 117 – Son of Stuck Funky

Stretching the Truth

After summertime stops in such locales as Hollywood, San Diego, and Centerville, the Funky Train has returned to familiar Westview. Today’s stop: the Fitness Center, where once again Funky endures the scorn of his still-nameless trainer, whom we call Fitness Girl.

These Fitness Girl arcs get me to wondering where Mr. “Write What You Know” works out. Maybe at the Medina Tone Fitness Center (motto: “Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever”)? I mainly wonder because of the way he draws fitness equipment: Funky is ensconced in what looks like a giant infant swing. His submissive attitude in panel 3, under Fitness Girl’s disdainful gaze, infantilizes him further still. Here is a guy who at least tries to get fit: we see him run–well, jog; play tennis, and put up with this sneering witch of a “personal trainer.” He should be looking and feeling a little better, but Batiuk persists in portraying him as an elderly, hapless schlub.

Dys-Funktion

Link To Today’s Strip

OMG that’s f*cking disgusting. I seriously think I’m going to vomit. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. Seriously man, that’s the most frightening Funky profile I have EVER seen and I’ve seen them all. Man alive, is that a terrifying drawing or what? If you go from panel to panel it’s like the evolution of early man.

So Les can’t sleep, eat or get erections (bluuurgh) and he hallucinates talking cats who like to chip away at his self esteem. It’s so reassuring to know that Tombat can still relate so well with the everyday people who read his strip, you know? I think it’s safe to say that her comments today pretty much cement Cayla’s status as the least realistic character in the history of fiction because…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why. Nice to see that Montoni’s is as busy as ever too.

Coming next week: “Defenders Of The Faith” starring Les Moore as Tom Batiuk and you beady-eyed nitpickers as “Hollywood”! Cheer for Les as he defends the cancer book’s honor! Weep with him as he recounts the tragic sequence of contrivances that led to her horrible death! Come for the puns…stay for the wordplay! (Remember folks, “Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe“ is still available wherever ~~fine books~~ collections of old comic strips are sold!)

Do They? Do They Really?

Today’s strip portrays the exchange of “I dos” at Montoni’s, because of course they ended up at Montoni’s, the only reliable social venue in the wretched town of Westview.

I promised you a non-sequitur, and Funky delivers it. His bad Winkerbean vibes having dissipated, and with a smirk that shifts his mouth half way to his left temple, Funky opines: “They don’t call Montoni’s ‘the wedding chapel of love’ for nothing!”

Never mind that he just subverted Wally’s wedding to do a promo for his business. They don’t call Montoni’s “the wedding chapel of love” at all. Also, how does that not dislocate his jaw?

Meanwhile, the weeping chef in the background is playing the old “I’m crushing your head” game.

Meanwhile, some random boy has been hanging around with Funky during the entire sequence.

Who is this kid? It hardly matters, as I expect Batominc will send him to the Corn Field of Discarded Characters, just like all these others that Epicus Doomus so kindly enumerated for us recently:

Frankie, Lennie, the gay prom dudes, Art Teacher, Jarod Posey, Dr. Patella, Radio Ron, Closeted Gay Prom Rock, Mallory the Perfect Human Genome, Rachel’s kid, Kili the cat and that annoying Dan guy, Cell Phone Girl, that tall blonde girl that was always on whatever team Summer was playing against, Travel Agency Woman, Plantman…

Dog Is My Copilot, Or, Suddenly Blonde

Today’s strip begins with intimations of canine brontophobia. I doubt we’ll hear of it again.

I do predict that this plot line will involve these:

A thunderstorm
A second inexplicable break in continuity (not today’s)
A change of venue
A non-sequitur from a major character
Smirking galore

I did not expect these:

The best man is a dog! The best man is a dog!
The only way this could have been better for snarking is if Buddy had been transformed into an anthropomorphic Plugger dog.
Today’s inexplicable break in continuity: Rachel is suddenly blonde.
Either that, or Wally is inadvertently marrying the wrong bride, because her profile does not match before-time Rachel (below).

It’s Like Winkerbean on Your Wedding Day (& Isn’t It Ironic? Don’t You Think?)

In today’s strip, a bitter Funky Winkerbean tries to crap all over cousunclin Wally’s wedding plans, because he’s a bitter man, old before his time, who wrecked his own marriage to Blonde Wife #1 with small ambition and cheap Montoni’s wine. It deserves none of our attention, except maybe to note that Wally’s first marriage ended because of two stints as a POW. Just saying—keep it classy, Tom Batiuk!

However, the phrase “bad Winkerbean vibes” did catch my eye. Vibe→Zeitgeist→this Google trends chart. Hey, it’s the way my mind works.

Also, no, Alanis, after all these years, it’s still not ironic.