So the betrothed-to-be-wed Mason is accused by gossip mongers of cheating on Cindy, and his first concern is how this will affect Marianne? “Dealing with haters“? Are people hating on Marion Cotillard for her rumored canoodling with her Allied costar Brad Pitt? Nobody gives a shit! What really gets the ‘mansquitoes buzzing is when you’re “the star” of a really crappy movie, and this is what’s at the root of Mason’s sudden gloomy demeanor: he’s been there. Although he was pretty proud of having Dino Deer on his resume, until Cliff Anger and Mopey Pete dissed him…
Tag: Martin Johns
O Hai Tom Batiuk
Christmas comes early for us human mosquitoes in the form of a “tip of the Funky felt tip” from Thee Author Himself! Well, it’s more like he’s giving us the finger. Hunky blond lunk Mason suddenly gets high and mighty in true McCarthy-era Cliff Anger style when faced with rumors on “the message boards”involving him and Marianne. By the way, Mason uses the word “advisedly” advisedly. The real kicker though is his use of the phrase “chew toy”, which is the moniker applied by human mosquitoes to St. Lisa during her Pulitzer campaign.
A Door, a Jarre
Ah, the Director Guy. We hardly know anything about him; not his name (the back of his director’s chair just says “Director“), nor when his hair color tuned from blue-black to brown. But today we learn that Director Guy’s got some temper! It must stem from frustration over how little control he has over this project. His leading man takes it upon himself to cast extras and fly his friends around. The leading man’s fiance hangs around the set an interferes with a scene. Another take is nearly ruined when errant school bus rolls into a crucial location shot. A mole from a gossip website sets up shop on the set and is permitted to remain there after he blows his own cover. It’s enough to make your face break out in weird halftone blotches!
Cut The Cheese
You know how this could be funny? If it showed three or four kissing takes, each one of them interrupted by Cindy, despite repeated promises that she would behave next time. The director would get madder and madder, and Mason would have to calm him down, “Give her another chance, Mr. Popsicle!” Admittedly, not a laff-riot, but amusing, and driven by the character, instead of the necessity of “running out the clock.”
I guess I’m really saying that this could have been funny, in the hands of a different cartoonist. As it is, it’s about as boring as this thing gets. We get it–Cindy is a neurotic mass of fears, jealousies and insecurities. She also lacks any sort of self-awareness and is incapable of restraint. None of this makes her funny. Now, she’d be perfect in a certain type of comedy (the Three Stooges comes to mind), or as the kind of woman that a guy has to escape from, but each time she keeps turning up (Carrie Fisher in “The Blues Brothers,” e.g.).
Her character also keeps this from being poignant. Cindy is well aware that Mason’s career depends on getting roles, and he’s the perfect type for “romantic lead.” Which would mean a lot of kissing, and perhaps some bedroom scenes. Cindy ought to recognize that a) it’s good if he keeps getting work, and b) it’s all make-believe.
That second part is really crucial; it’s something she should keep in the forefront of her thoughts all the time. Which wouldn’t be a problem if she had some other way to fill her time. Doesn’t she have a job? Shouldn’t she be putting her energies into that, instead of blitzing-out every time she thinks that someone attractive is a threat to her? As it is, I can’t help feeling Mason is going to wise up some day, and think, “You know, she really is crazy. Time for goodbyes. Where’s that old kevlar vest I used to have?”
Speaking of goodbyes, this is the end of my current stint. Please give a warm SOSF welcome to your new host, Epicus Doomus!
It’s The Stoppit Show
SosfdavidO here, totally, completely fooled into thinking this unlikely scenario is actually happening, despite Jupiter Moon’s not-so-gentle nudge to the reader that, hey, with the black and white comic, the ridiculous premise and now me saying “I can’t believe this is real” this is totally, totally really happening and is Funky canon.
That’s a problem with today’s strip. We all know it’s Cindy dreaming, or maybe Buddy the dog, since it’s black and white, but damn it, this is *not* unfolding in real time in any actual reality, Funkyverse or otherwise. And we’re going to have to slog through until Saturday (or more) to find that out.
I can’t believe this is happening. Again.
Son of Stuck Funky 
