Mason Jarr – Page 32 – Son of Stuck Funky

Missed It By That Much

I guess Mason chartered one of those super-low altitude private planes all the hot celebrities are into these days. I mean seriously, the thing is maybe forty feet over Les Moore’s house and judging by the change in the house’s perspective, doing a cool 50 miles an hour or so. Talk about a gratuitously unnecessary detail. Seeing a plane cruising over Moore Manor with no flames or bomb craters in sight is such a tease, man. And wasn’t that stupid tree cut down months ago?

So they’re going to film the SJ “earth scenes” in Cleveland of all places, instead of somewhere better or more practical. Sure they are Tom, sure they are. Mopey Pete is in rare form again today, as now he’s pissing and moaning about having to leave Hollywood, as he sits in a private jet no less. Unbe-f*cking-lievable. And what the hell is Boy Lisa going to say when he pops in on his wife…”hey hon, how was that long economy-class flight with our toddler aged son? Oh, me? Private plane”. A quarter-inch from reality my ass, any real wife would have bailed on the hapless Boy Lisa long ago. And who the hell is Andy and how much of the blame does he deserve?

Tonight There’s Gonna Be A Failbreak

Link to today’s strip

Yay! Another excuse to ditch the worst, most difficult and most demanding job of them all…writing for comic book characters! Somehow the star of the white-hot (and perpetually unfinished) “Starbuck Jones” feature film “heard” that Jessica and Skyler (who just moved to California a few short months ago) were inexplicably heading to Ohio to visit Skyler’s grandparents. And, incredibly enough, Mason just happens to have a private chartered flight to Ohio this very week! Unbelievable. And quite stupid, too.

So what the hell is this all about? Air travel gags? Fred Fairgood’s always-hysterical mutterings? John Darling? If Mason “heard” that Jessica was visiting Ohio, why didn’t he offer to fly her out there as well? How does he know Jessica and Skyler at all? How can Boy Lisa, who just a few months ago was using garbage as furniture, afford all this air travel back and forth to Westview?

Damned if I know. But apparently it made sense to Batiuk at the time, which of course means nothing, but still. At this rate Mason will be as old and washed up as Cindy is by the time this SJ movie hits the big screen.

Where Dreams Go to Be Smashed to Flinders

Link to today’s strip.

One thing I neglected to mention about yesterday’s episode…and I have to confess, I didn’t mention it because it seemed so ordinary that comment never occurred to me. But later I realized that it was ordinary in the real world, and not in Funky Winkerbean. In Funky Winkerbean, it was the proverbial sore thumb, and it shoulda stuck out like one.

Of course, I’m talking about the fact that Becky got a smart-phone app, and she was happy with it. She was pleased with what she got, and looked forward to using it.

It was not, repeat not, something substandard that had foisted upon her by an uncaring school administration. She didn’t even moan once!

By way of contrast, look upon the Dozing Dullards out in Hollywood, who upon hearing that the movie they are working might be certain of box-office success, can do nothing but bemoan the extra work that will befall them. Oh, the horrors of success! Oh My GOD I have to work even more?

Well, Pete–and you too, Darrin–there’s a very simple solution that will cause all your problems to disappear, and you can leap about in unending joy.

Quit. Go on up to Clay Breakdance (or whatever his name is) and tell him you’re tired of all the effort that is expected of you, and that you (so far) seem to have failed to provide. You’re both tired of working, and it’s really cutting into your nap time, and your nostalgic day-dreaming about Bantom comics. I’m sure his lips will curl just a bit as he accepts your resignations. Clay will be happy to bring in a crew who actually want to work, and don’t look upon every suggestion as a knife in the back.

And there’s a bonus for both of you! When the movie is released some months hence, and proves to be a box-office smash, you can bemoan the fact that you were cheated out of all that money. And that, no doubt, will trigger even more flashbacks.

Win-win, I say. Now, now, I know those are dirty words in the Funkyverse, but as they say–faint heart never won bitter regrets.

(It kind of makes me wonder what sort of movie Pete and Darin would make if they had complete control–what sort of cinematic turd would satisfy their notion of purity. I should note that it doesn’t make me wonder enough to actually see that movie, or hear them talk about it.)

PS: No idea who the very detailed gentleman is, but he sure seems to be someone from Real Life. Perhaps someone who lost a bet–that’s my guess, anyway.

Not Going Anywhere

Link To Today’s Strip

Flog, flog, flog. Mason is reading the SJ script today, which indicates that there is a script to be read…I guess. Otherwise it’s a pointless rehash of a premise that was (for lack of a better word) resolved yesterday. When you think about it just running this Sunday strip instead of devoting an entire week to the premise might have been a better idea. But then he would have only had fifty-one weeks worth of strips, which would have left him one short. Sure, he could have probably just thrown an old one from a few years ago in there and no one would have noticed, but it’s all about the integrity, man.

And with that I turn over the reins to billytheskink, who’s going to steer you through next’s weeks installment of annoying claptrap! And based on the header pic above, I have no idea what that claptrap might be. I don’t like the looks of it though.

Schlock Solid

Link To Today’s Strip

Wow, Cindy is actually given the chance to (gasp!) smile today AND she actually enjoys a brief flickering moment of (gasp!) security too as Mason reassures her that there’s no way he’s banging Marianne Winters because he’s already combined (chortle) their CD collections. It’s better than nothing, I suppose.

But the artwork today is really something else again. Mason strikes a Boy Lisa-esque pose in panel one, his unruly thinning hair bursting right into his dialog bubble. Then in panel two all rules of perspective go flying out the window as he futilely tries to keep his enormous freak head from falling off his body completely. Then in panel three we wrap things up with a wry smirk and a truly frightening hatchet-face straight from hell’s infernal depths. What a display.

But I can’t complain too much here. I mean sure, this idiotic story went absolutely nowhere, SJ is no closer to being finished (or started) than it was a year ago and it made no sense whatsoever, but he did manage to go one entire day without mentioning Cindy’s age, which is quite rare indeed.