Mindy – Page 33 – Son of Stuck Funky

Just To Be The Man Who Walks A Thousand Miles To Maybe Get Around To Returning Your Call

So, Pete’s struggling with his long distance relationship, mainly because he refuses to grow up and put a little effort into communicating with the great love of his life, Mindy. Just like his dear old pal Boy Lisa, Pete’s “girlfriend” is an afterthought, someone he’ll get around to eventually, probably. She’ll no doubt make a fine doormat when he finally allows her to marry him in some heinous comic book-centric ceremony, perhaps they’ll even have a seldom-seen comic book-themed named child or two.

Apparently the gag here is that Pete is a perpetual man-child, notorious slacker and lazy slob, which of course you already know, as Pete has been so thoroughly fleshed-out and developed over the years to a point where he’s a familiar old friend, like Klabinchnik or Mallory or Morty. A comics page icon, if you will. Armed with this wealth of Pete knowledge, you immediately laugh along with Boy Lisa at his good friend’s weary-eyed foibles. The work of a true master craftsman who’d never taint his work with some hoary old sitcom-style trope for a cheap chuckle.

BlehTom’s bro-banter is just as bad as his chick-banter is, especially when these two dolts are doing the bantering. Either move back to Ohio and marry Mindy in that goddamned gazebo or don’t, enough with the pathetic waffling and the godlessly plodding banter already. Pete’s discussing the woman he’s supposedly crazy about and he looks for all the world like he’s discussing his inflamed prostate and subsequent urinary issues there in panel two. This nonsense would be boring even if you did happen to be into hypothetical “old school” comic book companies and idiotic comic strip crossover long distance relationships, assuming such a person exists which they obviously do not.

I suppose I should mention Rachel but honestly, why? She works at Montoni’s, she lives above Montoni’s, life is already snarking on her as it is. Why pile on?

Fear And Loathing In Ohio

Link To This One

Because Ohioians FEAR Pete and Boy Lisa’s return because they LOATHE them so much. GET IT? Suddenly it appears that these two imbeciles will indeed be returning to the community of their portentous youth, Olde Westview Towne, home of half-price large pies (pick-up only) on Tuesdays and the world’s smallest and least-comfortable comic book store. Boy Lisa has already decided what to tell his wife to think so he’s on board and Pete is pining away for that annoying Crankshaft girl he hung out with that one time and everyone knows that the sin and decadence of Hollywood is no match for the simple-yet-wry homespun Westviewian values that go hand in hand with meeting women from other comic strips and starting a comic strip family, so all signs definitely point to him being on board as well. Sounds fantastic, can’t wait (sound of shotgun racking).

But no one cares about that idiocy. The artwork really takes center stage today. There’s Boy Lisa’s awesome leather jacket in panel one….”ayyyyy, it’s the Darr! Whoa, sit on it, Pete! Step into my office, Reynolds! Whoa!”. The most unintentionally hilarious moment of 2018 so far. Then there’s Boy Lisa in panel three…wow. That is simply epic. I have NEVER seen the term “lantern-jawed noodnik” embodied as well as it’s embodied there. And the way the back of his head has that perfect 90 degree angle, it’s literally a block. And that hair…I assume he gets it done at the place where the cast of 90210 used to go. A spectacular effort by the New Guy, just superlative work.

Skin Flakes, Phlegm and Excrement for Color

Link to today’s strip.

So, everyone wanted to see Crankshaft, probably in the futile hope that his demise would be depicted onscreen.

Well, here’s Crankshaft. He looks like a plastic bag filled with pus trying to decide if gravity is worth resisting any longer.

Tom Batiuk keeps trying to shove Crankshaft down our throats. And it never works. No one cares about Crankshaft, it has never generated any interest in anyone to watch it unfold. I suspect it’s a very low performer, newspaper-wise, and perhaps Mr. Batiuk is trying to shovel his legacy over there now that he has destroyed Funky Winkerbean. But that’s like trying to choose between a burning building and a sea full of sharks.

And to be honest, the fact that Mindy seeks the approval of the Old, Unplaceable Odor makes her a truly terrible person. At least Pm N Jff recognize that Crankshaft is something to be tolerated, not cultivated.

But The Grandfather

Link to today’s strip.

Pete looks utterly distraught in that last panel–Oh, my God! She’s making me meet her grandfather! Well, this relationship is over…too bad, I thought it might have worked, but no, she’s gotta bring in the grandfather….

I can’t think of any other explanation for the expression oozing off his face–unless he once had a dream that he would die at the hands of some girl’s grandfather, and all of this is exactly like that dream….

The point is, he sure doesn’t look happy at all about this, and it’s worrying him to the point where he doesn’t even notice Mindy’s transformation into a 1960’s toothpaste advertisement.

Re-Pete-I-Tion

Link to today’s strip.

I find the most reasonable explanation for Mindy’s attraction to Pete is the one offered by a number of commentors–she’s hoping to sleep her way into some of those Starbuck Jones/Cable Movie Entertainment millions so she can buy her way out of this strip. That’s surprisingly cynical for a strip like this, but, let’s face it–Pete is otherwise a repellent character, who has no attractive features of any kind, and only an insane/desperate person would find him worthy of affection. I mean, he and Mindy had two remarkably stupid conversations, and suddenly she wants to divert from the airport to Bedside Manor? (To meet He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Strip, of course.) I’d find it more plausible if she was driving him to some remote field where she’d force him to dig his own grave before gifting him with a bullet.

Pete is one manifestation of the Ultimate Batiuk Form–the Whiner. If Mindy is serious about wanting to be with him, she had better get used to endless whining about how hard he has to work at what would otherwise be his dream job. Because those who exist in the Funkyverse without constant complaining don’t truly exist at all.

Of course, the sleeping-to-the-top theory falls down when you realize this would mean a female character has drive and ambition–and those things are not directed toward bringing milk and cookies to her comic-reading man. Sorry, everyone.

It does remind me of the old Hollywood joke–this one comes from the 1930’s I believe, so it’s right there on Nostalgia Boulevard. “Did you hear about the aspiring actress? She was so stupid, she slept with the writer!”