Tuesday, September 26

Today’s strip

And there’s our least favorite guy, sitting there in his earnest earnestness in the Columbus Museum of Art with his latest cancer porn books. And Batiuk decides to do another damn Crankshaft crossover by bringing Lillian into the strip as Les’s lone customer. She’s got to be, what, 137 years old by now?

And then Batiuk flashes us back in what I presume is today’s “hook” that makes the strip seem somewhat less perfunctory. Les is sitting there with his hands similarly cupped, but instead of his earnest earnestness, he has his standard “oh, how jejune” face, no doubt over how debased he was to be appearing at such a crappy venue as Lillian’s attic-turned-used bookstore.

But what intrigues me the most about the throwback panel is how Burchett hasn’t bothered at all to change the appearance of flashback Lillian from today’s Lillian. She’s still the same woman, clutching the same book in all three panels, despite the fact that in panel two she’s supposed to be something like 25 years younger than she is in panels 1 and 3. After all, Lisa died 20 years ago in the Funkyverse and Les’s publication of the book about Jessica’s-father,-John-Darling,-who-was-murdered, was before even that. Hell, Lillian was old when she was first introduced in Crankshaft, which by going by the screwy timelines between the strips, was probably supposed to be around 43 years ago. Way to mail it in, Rick Burchett.

Panel 3, with its underhanded insult of Les, is pretty much par for the course.

Who are these people?

Link to today’s strip

Today’s strip shows two new characters to the strip talking over…

Oh, it’s Summer, with her first dialogue since 2015! And she’s talking to Cayla, and of course, they’re talking about Les, since that’s the only thing these two are ever shown doing anymore.

As it turns out, this is one of Batiuk’s annoying introductions. I suppose it’s no spoiler to reveal that this week’s going to be about Les at a book signing, which also means that today’s strip is a useless one to introduce the subject. He could have easily introduced this sequence by actually starting with Les at his book signing, but that would mean that he couldn’t repeat the premise and effectively skip a day.

But I guess the larger point that this strip makes is that it establishes that Les’s signing is taking place at the Columbus Museum of Art for some damn reason. This only reminds me of how Batiuk has insisted that true art such as his belongs in a museum, rather than being in a more commercial venue. We can only hope that’s this is the last time he flogs that particular conceit in this sequence.

But hey! Marvel at Batiuk remembering that Summer exists and giving her a line. It might be Fall, 2019 before we see this again! Admire her awkwardly angled dorm mirror and try not to think too hard about what exactly that odd bottle of I-don’t-know-what is on her dresser, which Burchett decided to include for some reason.

It’s Superband!

It is very true! From akronlife.com:

[Luigi’s Restaurant owner Tony Ciriello] was just a kid in the ‘70s when his uncle Mickey Ciriello rescued the broken-down band from storage…The restaurant’s electrician, Butch Pastik, did the rewiring and a repairman at an old jukebox warehouse in Cleveland got the mechanical parts working again. Then Mickey and some friends began looking for characters to replace the old foam band members – brittle and crumbling from dry rot.

After discovering that Ken dolls and GI Joes didn’t work in the bandbox, Mickey settled on some 8-inch action figure Superman dolls. They were just the right size, and their arms were flexible enough to be posed with the musical instruments. Then he decided to swap out the male lead singer for a more glamorous blond Barbie…Mickey hired a local seamstress to create tuxedos for the band and created mop-top wigs for their heads…

For now, a new Barbie doll has replaced the ‘70s lead singer, but the male band members from the first restoration live on. One has been wearing a Superman suit under his tuxedo for all these years. In the tradition of protecting Clark Kent’s real identity, Tony won’t say which one is the true Man of Steel.

Wishing everyone a peaceful and blessed Easter! TFH

Five o’ Clock Shitshow

I was sure Batiuk felt he’d wrung every last molecule out of this motor vehicle story arc. But against Fat Les’ advice, Funky has indeed driven all the way home and back (can you believe Fat Les was enough of a sport not to alert the cops?) and returned with…a copy of his birth certificiate? Why would he not return with the original document? A business owner, Chamber of Commerce prexy, and, well, grown ass man doesn’t know that for most purposes, a Xeroxed birth certificate is worthless?

Hey You Two, Get A Room

Link to today’s strip

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There’s been an awful lot of very peculiar hand action going on in this strip lately, hasn’t there? Now I’m not going to speculate too much on what’s going on here. Perhaps the infamous Centerville Groper has finally been paroled. Perhaps they’re just very much in love. Or perhaps the tall guy is a new pickpocket who’s just starting out. It’s, uh…quite awkward though.

Then we have that other guy’s wildly uneven legs. Was his gym built on a steep hill? Shark bite? It’s not just strange how one’s way bigger than the other, it’s that the one on the right goes straight down with no curvature at all. And that neck on the person in front of him…gak, what the hell happened there?

So the entire mid-central Ohio area solved the stupid SJ puzzle and are now excitedly queuing up to finally get a glimpse of the guy who was sitting around doing nothing for the last sixty years. Suddenly the SJ serials of the 1950s have become more than just some forgotten old crappy movies, they’re the literal cornerstone of the nostalgic childhood memories of people who weren’t even born when they were released. Incredible.