Tag: those stupid tapes

Sweet and Splice-y

We’re still in Crazy’s AV lair in today’s strip. When did Crazy become some sort of AV guru, a guy who owns shelves of different media players? I don’t even remember if he ran the projector back in Act I but now he’s going on about Bull’s sweet splice repairs. I’m a noted Betamax enthusiast who can talk at length about the late 80s rise in use of VHS cases and labels for Beta cassettes but I don’t say things like that.

One might wonder why Bull, who has both a fairly high opinion of his AV skills and lots (lots!) of free time, doesn’t simply buy or borrow the equipment and convert these tapes to DVD himself. One might also wonder why Bull, if he has such skills that he can splice videotape in a “sweet” manner, was never tasked with putting up any of Westview High’s legendary badly taped signs.

She Lives, Sort Of

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And today we re-define “rock f*cking bottom” in the Funkyverse. Sheer self-indulgent, self-referential garbage, as aggressively awful as any individual FW strip I’ve ever seen. Once again the Great Author hauls out Lisa’s corpse and reminds us that she was nothing short of a saint, the grand martyr, always putting others first. “How special he is”…blurrrgh, pass the vomit pail please. Just revolting.

I do like how she looks a little like Wally in panel three. That’s what oncologists refer to as “stage seven”, I believe. This piece of idiocy might have made a LITTLE sense if it happened back when Les and Cayla first began dating, but now it’s merely another pathetic BanTom “victory lap” centering around that godforsaken cancer arc that he just won’t quit gloating about. Look at the effort and detail he put into making Lisa look as ill as possible, just totally disgraceful. What sort of person would enjoy something like that? It’s absolutely ghoulish, the work of a complete madman who’s thrown away the last eight years of his career patting himself on the back over a sub-mediocre and totally depressing piece of faux-profound drivel that did nothing but disturb and disgust people who were merely trying to enjoy the comics page. If he had any decency at all he’d retire right now and spare the world from having to endure any more of his pathetic depressing hackery, as he’s obviously completely out of ideas. I guess rehashing a Lisa memory that doesn’t involve her on her deathbed is just too much work for him these days.

And we haven’t even gotten to the “For Les” DVD yet, which promises to be even MORE repugnant and nauseating than this piece of garbage is, as difficult as that is to believe. I wonder if she donned her wig for that one like she did for her Summer videos? I seriously doubt that, though, as Les probably likes to remember his beloved wife like Batiuk does, with the cancer hat and death sweater, all gaunt and pale. I’m surprised he didn’t draw a chemo IV bag in the background too, just to drive his sick and twisted vision home with authority. The whole idea of a sick and dying person recording a video for a theoretical person she didn’t know and would never meet is so utterly idiotic it could only come from this lunatic’s felt tip, no one else on the planet would even consider doing something like this. This is exactly the sort of crap that drove me away from this strip for years at a time, what a piece of cringe-inducing claptrap, just shamefully terrible in every imaginable way.

And next time around I’ll tell ya how I REALLY feel. Stay tuned for Our Fearless Leader coming up next, until next time Stay freaking Funky!

Oh No, These Tapes Have Got To Go

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“Funky Winkerbean”: the comic strip where opening mail and drawers is considered “action”. Tomorrow’s strip will no doubt feature the DVD tray slowly sliding closed, then a close-up of Cayla’s finger reaching for the “play” button, followed by that annoying FBI warning screen. I’m assuming that by “non-believers”, Summer is referring to the Lisa cult, a cult Cayla will be indoctrinated into very shortly no doubt, thanks to these f*cking DVDs that just refuse to go away. What a pile of shamelessly awful tripe. This is Batiuksturbation of the highest magnitude, just off the charts, the work of a very sick man with a very limited imagination. He resorts to his infamous “silent panels” in a sad attempt to give this contrived trash a sense of “importance” but all he succeeds in doing is making himself and his strip look even dumber. Which is quite a feat when you stop to think about it.

She’s Got Person-Banality

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Summer didn’t have any problem with being filmed while reading Lisa’s journal entry about the time Frankie sexually assaulted her, but somehow this video footage is “personal”, even though Cayla never even knew Lisa at all. Yup, that makes sense. Dollars to donuts says it’s the usual patented Lisa drivel, featuring lots of pious platitudes and cornpone idiocy centering around the loathsome “Spanky”, delivered with that sickening saintly grin and those dead Lisa eyes. That ghoulish Lisa image in the header is nightmare fuel, it’s just hideous.

Oh what I wouldn’t give to see Cayla finally grow a spine, right here and now. “Summer, for the final time: I am sorry about your mother but right now I want you to get these f*cking tapes out of my house and go back to school because I’ve had my fill of Lisa for ten thousand lifetimes”. Then maybe she could refer Summer to a really good therapist or something, as this kid just ain’t right. This arc is just so sniveling and obnoxious it’s almost unbelievable and Batom just doesn’t care how stupid and implausible it is, he just wants to keep reminding everyone about that goddamned cancer arc, again and again and again. I quite frankly think it’s time for HIM to consider talking to a mental health professional too. It’s like he’s flat-out admitting that he hasn’t done a single noteworthy thing since that horrible arc ended, which is true, but still. It’s just plain not normal.

Why, It’s Your Worst Nightmare, Other Woman

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Good God, just f*cking ponderous, man. Hopefully Lisa included some grammar tips for her daughter, as “it is some tapes my mom made” is one really awful sentence. That KSU education is already paying huge dividends for our beloved Summer, eh? If the next panel isn’t either Cayla tossing those DVDs in the trash or vomiting, I’ll be pretty disappointed. Seriously, how much of this crap is she willing to take? Lisa books, Lisa runs, Lisa tapes, Lisa screenplays, Lisa Lisa Lisa. It never ends. Now she has Les’ annoying daughter inexplicably hanging around the house waving Lisa DVDs in her face. What’s next, will Summer and Les put up a Lisa tree on Lisa’s Eve and exchange Lisa-related gifts too? They might as well, as it’d be no more demented than this nonsense is. Just look at Summer in panel two, she looks like she’s sharing some sort of earth-shattering information with Cayla instead of a few old DVDs featuring her mother’s endless meddlesome droning. Just awful.