In today’s strip, the War on Limbs resumes. To wit:
Young Crazy is crazy indeed if he would voluntarily step onto a transporter platform. The car has something like a 0.02% chance of killing you each time it moves you around. The transporter kills the original 100% of the time.
By the way, comic books are “cool.” Working in a comic book store is high-fivin’ “cool”. And so it goes.
After that horror, stepping into the transporter doesn’t seem so bad.
“Hello, Mason? You’ll never believe this, but I was just talking to my younger self! No, I’m not drunk, they had a time pool in Crazy’s locker and…hello? Mason?”
The Browns gag isn’t that bad but otherwise yikes, this is some of the worst dialog I’ve ever seen in FW, which isn’t saying much as I make that statement at least twice a week. It’s almost as if Batom dreamed up the premise, then kicked back with a non-alcoholic craft brew, then suddenly realized that “hey, I still need a story here!”. Then he threw together whatever came to mind first. Cell phones, Facebook, massive weight gain…yup,that covers the last thirty seven years all right. Sigh. Too bad they don’t award Pultizers for premises that never go anywhere, otherwise TB would be at Home Depot every weekend buying new shelving.
I would figure that Mary Sue might be a little more surprised to be speaking to Lisa, especially given that she just put together the memorial board (featuring Lisa) a few weeks ago. But instead she’s chatting with her about cell phones as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to be talking to a young version of a woman who died eighteen years ago. Fat, stupid AND boring…boy, Batiuk REALLY has it in for those “popular girls” from high school, eh?
And speaking of Lisa, it’s absolutely flabbergasting that no one seems shocked, amazed or horrified that the most noteworthy dead Westviewian is suddenly dorking up the gym with her banal utterances. Perhaps they’re just so familiar with Ghost Lisa that it doesn’t merit more than a “meh” anymore. I know how THAT is. And sorry there Retcon Boy, but Lisa was never an “original” part of the WHS “gang”, nice try though.
Anyway, stay tuned as the always snarktastic Oddnoc bravely throws himself on next’s week’s grenade! Band boxes? Bedside Manor? Dead characters suddenly springing back to life? Find out with the rest of us on Monday night! Until next time…stay Funky!
“What the F*CK happened to our nose?????” Wow, at long last Batiuk finally admits (in a roundabout way) that Funky Winkerbean was a stupid title that’s done nothing but provoke confused reactions and cratered the strip’s (potential) popularity. Well, that, plus the intensely shitty content. I don’t know why the Funkys don’t remember their last meeting, although it was several years ago which might as well be centuries in the Batiukiverse. I guess he’s just going to ignore the Lisa paradox here, for which we all should be forever grateful. Still though, you’d think that SOMEONE would tell her, although maybe Cayla is shooting daggers at anyone who tries lest it ends up somehow altering the future and spoiling her (chortle) movie option gravy train. All I know is that my head hurts more than usual. Too bad they didn’t go back to 1972 and throw away TB’s felt tips, it could have saved us a lot of trouble. This arc pretty much confirms that regardless of what happens in the strip, literally everything will devolve into stupid wry banter and sub-moronic wordplay. “Hey! That asteroid is heading right for Westview and we’ll all be obliterated! I guess that’s what they mean by “getting stoned”, eh?”. And cue the smirking.
Link To Today’s Alleged “Comic Strip”
Yes Tom, we get the point: Cindy is empty-headed, vapid and (in 2015) incredibly old and run down. “Babelline”…oh, I get it. The trademark thing. We all know he can’t write for his female characters worth a damn but Cindy is especially terrible lately. That dialog is just laughably atrocious. I actually had to look up “Miss Marple“, given how I’m not really too well-versed in 1940’s pop culture trivia.
Even Young Les is looking at Now Les like he’s a world-class asshole. He’s so narcissistic that his young self didn’t do a damn thing to prevent Act III Les from existing. What a dick. Also look at how young silhouette Holly is eyeballing old Holly like “WTF?”. Now THAT’S horror.
The best thing, though, is that look of existential horror and dread on Lisa’s face as she realizes she’s dead in 2015. AND she’s right next to Les’ younger, hotter and decidedly less annoying second wife, which makes it even funnier. No wonder she ran off to drown her sorrows with Frankie and those cool kids, talk about traumatic. Seriously though, what is his intent here with Lisa? Is there any chance that this might actually go somewhere or is it just one of those freaky time anomalies that you see every now and again? Why did he even bother with including her in this at all?
The artwork is just awesome today. I like how everything is just blackness, it reflects the content of the author’s mind so effectively. Is this a record for “most individual word balloons in a single-panel FW strip”? If not, please do NOT show me the current record holder.
If Harry hasn’t tried out the time pool how does he know it works? Why is Lisa all hunched over like she’s freezing cold? If I were her I’d get that checked out. Twice. Why does she want to visit 1990? Isn’t that just a tad unambitious of her? Why does Holly assume they’ll all be “long gone” by 2015? Ooops, yeah that’s right, I almost forgot. And isn’t it really 2025 in the Funkyverse? Or are we now officially ignoring the infamous “time jump”? Then there’s the biggest question of them all…are they EVER going to actually do this thing or will they spend another week talking about it instead? Talk about plodding.
And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Dick Face’s annoying propensity for bringing everyone and everything down. Even then he was such a dick. The guy discovers a time pool and he’s already finding ways for it to fail. He’s nothing if not consistent. Truly a dick for the ages, a timeless asshole whose annoyingness spans decades.
Son of Stuck Funky 