Wally – Page 28 – Son of Stuck Funky

יּ٧ᴥ٧יּ ♥♥♥

If I were to classify FW characters, here’s how it would go:

Loathsome Pieces of Shit (Les, Dinkle)
Irritating Douches (Jim Kabbadabbadoo, Durwood, Mopey Pete)
Sad Sack Shitheads (Funky, Holly, Wally)
Goofy Dipshits (Masone Jarre, Owen, Crazy Harry)
Those I Don’t Really Care About But Will Probably Eventually Dislike (Just about everyone else)
Buddy ♥

Yeah, Buddy. My favorite resident of the Funkyverse. He never smirks. He never makes shitty puns. He never wallows in self-pity, snipes another character to make himself feel superior, or “wakes up” at the end of an arc to proclaim that it’s all a dream. Who’s a good boy? Buddy is! yes he is! even though he’d be totally justified if he pissed on Les’ leg or took a dump on Wally’s bed. Nope, he’s just a goofy, happy yellow dog who lives day to day, greeting everyone with a wagging tail and just enjoying the moment. He doesn’t even bitch when his dumbass roommates Wally and Rachel bring him to a heavy metal concert, those idiots. How ironic that, in a strip claiming to be “a quarter-inch from reality,” the most realistic character depiction is that of a dog.

[PS: I did indeed notice that, after talking all week about the Monsters Of Metal concert, not a single frame of actual comic strip real estate was spent depicting the actual event. In true BatHack style, we instead have skipped directly to the post-concert exit. But you know what? Buddy’s back! so I don’t give a shit.]

Headbangin’ For A Cure

Link to today’s strip.

Aaaaand once again, T-Bats pads out two panels worth of inaction to fill three days, finally getting around to telling us that Rachel and Wally are attending the concert to help him with his PTSD. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a storyteller with a worse sense of pacing.

While I’d say that I’m looking forward to seeing the concert (who would turn down a chance to see Mort ripping up Inna Godda Davida on the ~~slidefart~~ trombone?) there’s little chance of that. The intern who drew Mort’s dementia-induced Independence Day Sunday comic has weekdays off, and we all know how Tom hates drawing his characters doing anything but standing around talking.

Hmmph.

Well, I have no idea what’s going on in today’s strip. There’s no preview available, and apparently Comics Kingdom is having some problems with Advance Digital, which hosts a number of newspaper websites like nj.com (New Jersey), masslive.com (Springfield MA), the Cleveland Plain Dealer, and so on. CK just isn’t displaying any of their comics on Advance sites, though rival GO! Comics is doing just fine.

Anyway, Saturday’s strip will eventually appear on comicskingdom.com, the syndicate’s home site. We’ll catch up with the snarking in the morning, and I’ll post an edit then.

Saturday AM Edit:

Ha! Funky’s always busting Tony’s cogliones for having stupid ideas, and today he finds that payback’s a bitch. So what it it probably cost him five hundred dollars to win a hundred-dollar bet? He gets bragging rights and Funky looks like a dumbass on The You Tubes.

And lest we forget, a special award of One Thousand Internets goes to spacemanspiff85, for his prescient comment on the 24th:

That’ll be useful for flying food up to the Comix Corner.

Flying the friendly skies of Montoni’s

8jtsuoo Today’s strip teaches us that there are two things T-Bats knows nothing about. The first is drawing handshakes. Here’s a guy who’s had his doodles in the newspaper for over forty years, and yet whenever two of his characters shake hands, they always look like one of them is blocking a punch from the other. Pro tip, Tom, the fingers wrap around under the wrists.

The other thing of which he’s apparently ignorant is the time it takes to make a decent pizza. If the restaurant is keeping a bunch of pre-made pies in the walk-in, it might be possible to get it through the oven, into a box, and into the sky in under twenty minutes, but that’s not good quality…and they’re trying out an unproven technology to boot. Pretty clever the way Funky has gotten Tony so riled up that this drone thing is practically guaranteed to fail.

I’ve got no idea what the hell Wally is supposed to be doing with that cell phone. He’s been pretty much in his own little world this whole week, so I bet he’s just playing Pokemon Go while those two old fools argue.

ckecpg3

LATE EDIT: As of this morning, nj.com seems to be having problems displaying today’s strip (at least, none of the machines I’ve used to access it in the past two days show the comic.) So here is an alternate link directly from Comics Kingdom.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake…

…has never tried anything new.” – Einstein

It’s taken four days to come to the point, but in today’s strip, we’ve finally Batiuked around to it: Funky knows the Pizza Drone is going to fail because all of Tony’s other ideas have failed.

It seems to me that T-Bats really didn’t put a lot of time or effort into Funky’s list.

Pizza Fax – There are still pizzerias in my area which accept take-out orders via fax. It started back in the bad old days of pay phones and copper landlines, but because some business still inexplicably insist on using the clunky, slow, and low-resolution fax even in an era with reliable and cheap internet, the service lives on.
Pizza on a Stick – Popular at heartland State Fairs, apparently. Just not in Westview.
Bucket of Pizza…well, okay, I’ll give him that one.

But I’d venture to say that most of Tony’s ideas have worked out pretty well for him. He immigrated to the US, opened a successful restaurant which provided him with a good living and a decent retirement (after all, he spends his winters in Florida) and – with the exception of taking on a business partner who holds little respect for him – shows evidence of having made some pretty good decisions over the years.

And notice that none of Tony’s failures were on the scale of nearly bankrupting the company by trying to sell shitty Ohio pizza in New York City, Funky.