ComicBookHarriet

Don’t Eat the ‘Magical’ ‘Pepperoni’.

“Waterlogged comics! Mixed with moldy discarded pizza toppings! And mildew! That’s our hero.”

Darin stares blankly at Pete.

“It emerges from the basement: a sentient mass in the vague shape of a man, but grotesque and lumpy. An abomination of pulped paper, and smeared three-color inks, held together by black mold and marinara.”

Darin doesn’t speak.

“But there’s this beautiful woman, see and she is entranced by his doughy nature, his strange charms. Even though they can’t be together in a traditional sense, she is willing to do anything, try anything, to feel in every cell of her being the deeper spiritual connection pulsing between the flawless woman and the eldritch Comicmuck Thing! All in a homage to Swamp Thing 34! You know, Alan Moore? Rite of Spring?”

Darin reluctantly puts his pencil to paper… “Okay Pete, if you’re sure you’re okay with us using your love life that way.”

Dry Drowning

Today’s strip is finally up.

I was desperately hoping that my return to the writer’s helm after months of this meandering nonsense would be the magical talisman to break this unending inanity. I was there when this plot started in February, and maybe now it could end.

No such luck. Pete is plodding along on his Cosmic Treadmill…using awful word association to come up with cut-rate characters. I’m sure that the Floodlight, or the Floodmaster, or Floody McFlooderson the World’s Wettest Woman, will be nothing more than a name, a costume, a gimmick, and an even worse arch nemesis with drought powers. No Batman or Captain America levels of backstory, built in angst, creeds, and psychological insight. Just a stupid idea, personified.

Floods of biblical proportions can’t drown shallow characters. They’re hollow and insubstantial rising to the top and clinging together in a choking mat of garbage.

Yes I am comparing TomBat’s idea of ‘comicbook characters’ with the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Just Like Howard the Duck in Guardians of the Galaxy.

Link to Today’s Strip.

Whelp, it’s been a fun two weeks at the helm. In fourteen days, we learned that Chester Hagglemore wants to meet with Pete for some reason. And that Darin does at least occasionally visit his parents. I feel like we’ve accomplished a lot.

Beckoning Chasm gets to see us through to the end of the month and beyond. Think we’ll know what Chester has planned by then? Think again! Ann Fairgood in the masthead heralds at least a brief stopover in grandparents’ land.

It is weird, it’s been so long since there has been any kind of suspense in these strips. Some question that you KNOW will actually (probably) get answered. Batiuk doesn’t know how to weave suspense into his day to day, so when he accidentally gets any at all he drags it out to a week of envelope opening.

One thought I’d like to leave you with: What if it IS actually scary inside Darin’s head? What if…hidden under his bland milquetoast nature…his brain is a twisted kaleidoscope of terrifying imagery that would make Hieronymus Bosch double take? This is my personal headcanon now.

Right. The taxi thing.

Link to Today’s Strip.

Either Chester has two homes with one located in Ohio, (admittedly possible) or (more likely) Batiuk has forgotten that he established that Chester’s comics palace is located in New York.

Darin is actually referring to the elder Fairgoods, his adoptive parents! For the first time since last March. He called them ‘Mom and Dad’ then, but now calls them ‘The Grandparents,’ which is weird. Unless you’re a Funkysnark Addict or Batiuk Defender TrueFan, you will just assume that they’re visiting Darin’s grandparents.

And wow…that last panel…I haven’t seen nerdy homo-romantic chemistry between two allegedly hetero-males like THAT since Poe and Finn, Or Magneto and Professor-X. The Flash and Green Lantern. Frodo and Sam. Captain America and Bucky…

Huh, maybe Batiuk is actually intentionally referencing comics here…

It also took me second to get the ‘Uber’ joke. In my comicdom myopia I was associating it with the idea that Nichtize’s Ubermencsh was a inspiration for Superman, and the irony of Jewish comics writers appropriating a proto-Nazi concept. And also how creepy it was the vaguely Semitic looking Pete associating the ‘Ayran’ looking Darin with anything even tangentially Nazi.

And then I was like…ohhhh Uber….like the car thing…

Spot Six Differences!

Wow! Bob Weber of Slylock Fox would be proud of today’s offering.

At first I thought there was something wrong, and they simply hadn’t updated the strips. Because today is a reprint of yesterday’s strip. But upon further inspection there do seem to be tiny, subtle differences between yesterday and today. See if you can find all six!

It took me hours and hours, but I finally found one: The cosmic treadmill that Pete and Darin bought on their second honeymoon is in the background of panel two! How many can you find?

What a fun and interactive game Batiuk has given us. It may not progress the plot, deepen the characters, or be even in the least bit interesting or funny, but at least it fills a Friday shaped hole in our week. One more box checked off as we all coast inevitably to an obscure retirement, and an unlauded death.

So Fun!