Atomik Komix – Page 41 – Son of Stuck Funky

Don’t Eat the ‘Magical’ ‘Pepperoni’.

“Waterlogged comics! Mixed with moldy discarded pizza toppings! And mildew! That’s our hero.”

Darin stares blankly at Pete.

“It emerges from the basement: a sentient mass in the vague shape of a man, but grotesque and lumpy. An abomination of pulped paper, and smeared three-color inks, held together by black mold and marinara.”

Darin doesn’t speak.

“But there’s this beautiful woman, see and she is entranced by his doughy nature, his strange charms. Even though they can’t be together in a traditional sense, she is willing to do anything, try anything, to feel in every cell of her being the deeper spiritual connection pulsing between the flawless woman and the eldritch Comicmuck Thing! All in a homage to Swamp Thing 34! You know, Alan Moore? Rite of Spring?”

Darin reluctantly puts his pencil to paper… “Okay Pete, if you’re sure you’re okay with us using your love life that way.”

Working For The Weak End

Link To The Thing We All Hate

I’d like to take a moment to thank TFH, our contributors and our loyal readers for standing tall during this ponderous and plodding time. He’s obviously trying to break our collective will here and the stand you’ve all taken during this extremely tedious time will never be forgotten. If Monday rolls around and Funky is jogging or something it’ll be like emerging into daylight after some sort of long protracted siege of dullness or a really boring natural disaster of some kind.

And speaking of time that’ll never be forgotten, I must have fallen into a lengthy coma and missed several months of strips, as AK is apparently already up and running and brimming with treadmill inspired brilliance. He crammed several seconds of story into the first eleven and a half weeks of this thing and now suddenly, completely out of nowhere, everything has abruptly lurched forward in the most boring way possible. I mean maybe I’m wrong and this was just the most productive day in the history of new comic book companies but given the characters we’re talking about here that seems very unlikely.

I just really want Pete, Boy Lisa, Chester and AK to go away for a while…a long while. I usually complain when he just abandons story threads and never resolves them but in this case I’m genuinely rooting for it to happen.

Don’t Treadmill On Me

Link To Today’s Plodding Installment

As BatLoad’s interest in his latest “offbeat” comic book fantasy begins to wane, he’s resorting to old comic book fantasy gags to grudgingly haul another pointless week to the Saturday finish line. This arc is the comic strip equivalent of dragging a soggy ruined carpet out of the basement. In today’s time-bending installment the ol’ Eaton building is a dynamic hub of activity with all sorts of whimsical subcontractors and comic book memorabilia delivery people buzzing around like worker bees. Things sure do move fast once every eleven weeks in the Funkyverse.

“Hello, Pete Reynolds? This is Bob over at Pre-Cog Shipping and Delivery…anticipating and meeting your shipping and delivery needs before you knew you had any since 1979. Just wanted to let you know your movie prop and treadmill are on their way to the location you’ll be working at and we’ll be billing you with your Visa card, the number, expiration date and three-digit security code of which we already know. It doesn’t appear that you’ll have any imminent issues or concerns, so have a great day!”

Anyway, it’s Boy Lisa’s stupid treadmill, not Pete’s, so when and where he used it to “think” is (sigh) yet another never-to-be-solved Batom anomaly, like Becky’s mom or the Food Film truck scam or what year it’s supposed to be. It’s best not to think about it too much, but it’s tough when he gives you so precious little else to focus on.

Prop Komix

Link To Today’s

Sigh. Once again BatDerp is playing fast and loose with the very fabric of time itself. Just like how Pete and Boy Lisa are not “young kids just starting out” and how everyone was massively influenced by pop culture artifacts from twenty years before they were born, suddenly the Dimmer Twins are having things delivered to the building they didn’t even know existed until “today”…whenever that is. It isn’t just stupid, it’s completely impossible.

Then there’s the always contrary Chester. By day he’s founding new comic book companies out of a deep and total love for those old-time Batom Comics of yore and by night he’s a sleazy Batom Comics obsessed scumbag willing to deal with all sorts of comic book lowlifes to acquire his ill-gotten memorabilia. He can’t possibly exist but there he is.

And Holtron…sigh. Sentient being? Old piece of garbage? Well…what day is it? Tomorrow it could be a coffee machine, a paper shredder or a cartoon dog and I’d still shrug indifferently and so would you.

Or You Could Just Die, Either Or

Link To Today’s Thing

Once again BatHole’s vast “writing” ineptitude is on full display. If you were reading the events of this story in novel form you’d have laughed and casually tossed it into the fireplace already, just to spare yourself the embarrassment of having it in your home. So just like that this Flash guy is leaving? Does he work there or was he just brought in specifically to wish Pete well with his new job? It’s such a weird and inexplicable tangent, all for a really sad and pitiful payoff too.

“Hello, Flash? This is Chester Hagglemore. I own a new comic book company based on Batom Comics. Do you remember the ol’ Eaton Building where you used to work? Well, I bought it and…”

“What? Hello? (buttons on keypad being pressed)”

“Mr. Flash, I bought that building and one of my employees is a big fan of your old work and I thought…”

“What? Hello? Who’s this now? Comic books?”

“Yes sir, I was wondering if you’d let me stash you in the building to surprise this Pete fellow, it’d really mean a lot to him and…”

“Hello? Brady Wentworth, now THERE was a REAL SCUMBAG! Still OWES ME MONEY!! Hello?”

(phone rustling noises, yelling)

“This is Mr Flash’s nurse. You’ll have to call him back, the “Diagnosis: Murder” with Tim Conway and Harvey Korman is on. After dinner is fine, say 3:15 or so.”

I mean come on. And Pete has been in the comic book game for years now, while being flattered by McFlashowitz’s praise is all well and good that grotesque star-struck look on his face is way out of proportion with the events that just took place.