That was fast. Dick Tracy is indeed in the strip, but today he’s only playing a background role as BanTom has decided to focus on two totally forgotten stupid one-off characters from last year’s idiotic Starbuck Jones arc instead. So typically self-indulgent. I can’t believe he’s actually making this DT crossover arc all about a f*cking comic book auction, I mean talk about a lack of imagination.
Tag: Dead Skunk Head
Grand Theft Humor
Special thanks to TFH and the SoSF staff for everything they do!!
BanTom suddenly abandoning a premise he spent weeks setting up is certainly nothing new in the Funkyverse, he does it all the time. It’s called “writing”. It’s also annoying. But I forgot all about Mason Whatshisface as soon as I tried to decipher today’s brain-damagingly bizarre strip. The Jumbler? Finley’s Pharmacy? Holly pretending to be surprised by the sight of those two morons doing everything but working? What the f*ck?
Then I heard from the crack SoSF research team who informed me that within that massive wall of expository jibber-jabber lurk a few Dick Tracy references, which means that the long-rumored and much-dreaded Dick Tracy super mega crossover arc may be upon us…RIGHT NOW! For those of you not familiar with pop culture fads of the 1940s, Dick Tracy is a comic strip detective of some kind who regularly does battle with comically-named foes like The Jumbler (no doubt named for his propensity toward never properly organizing his comic books). I’m hoping this arc somehow involves Westview’s super-villain Dick Face, the man who paralyzes his foes with rage and disgust. “Watch out for the park bench, Mr. Tracy, it’s a trap!!”.
And once again Holly comes across as a total imbecile. I mean obviously they’re going to a police auction to bid on a huge lot of vintage comic books because of course they are. Duh. They’re not eating pizza or loitering around in that creepy store, so where else would they be going? To the library? The bank? To buy new clothes or fitness equipment? Home to their wives and families? Not bloody likely.
Band on the Run
And now you see why Tom Batiuk had to have two Black Friday jokes, one with his beloved Dinkle. Because he thought of a stupid pun.
Since this is a Saturday strip, I’m going to assume–and yeah, I really need to stop doing that–that this is a one-off, and won’t be continued on Sunday or next week. (But consider how lucky we are. Today’s episode could easily have been turned into a Sunday strip. Be thankful for small favors.)
Aside from John’s needlessly complicated question in panel one, and his totally unneeded response in panel two, the most remarkable thing in today’s strip is that little sign pointing to John’s head that says “Cashier.” It’s like one of those things in the old, old Dick Tracy strips which pointed out the “two-way wrist TV” and other crime-fighting tools. I’m guessing it’s a portent of the Komix Korner’s fate and John’s next career. (Can you imagine having John Howard as your cashier? Based on how he “runs” the Korner, he’d probably sneer at the customers who didn’t order extra peperoni. “Enjoy your weak pizza, loser? [Ding] Twenty-nine fifty-two. Oh and don’t forget to tip generously. Come again!”)
Other than that, this strip just sets up John–one of the “hero” characters and an obvious stand-in for Tom Batiuk–as a moronic dim-bulb. (Remember how I said yesterday that John is always drawn with care? Oops. Panel one, with John’s melty face, is having none of that. That darn Tom Batiuk is making me look bad again!)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah–Funky is clearly making a joke–his panel two expression is either “telling a joke” or “having a stroke”–and John wearily responds as if he’s being told the real deal. “So, those tiny homunculi decided to call it quits? Was it drugs, or jealousy over groupies, or did they decide ‘the road’ was no kind of lifestyle for men with families? Also…do you think they’ll try to make a comeback after a couple of years? I miss them already!”
Nice sign haphazardly taped to the door, too. (For the life of me, I cannot imagine what it says. “Closed–Batman obsessed weirdos only”?) But its random, off-kilter nature pretty much says it all–if there’s one word that Funky Winkerbean brings to mind, it’s kraftsmanship!
That Obscure Object of Desire
You thought I was kidding yesterday. Well, take a look at that maniacal expression fixed to Holly’s face. That’s the face of someone in the grip of an obsession. I can just see it now, she thinks, I can start the quest all over again–only with ashcan comics! Then I can start again, on all the foreign editions! And after that–
Once again, Holly gets what she wants with no (apparent to her) cost or effort. What a lesson for us all. “If you want something in life, just be a pathetic loser, and people will give it to you!”
As for Dickhead John, panel two is what you get when you insist on getting your hair cut at that comic-themed barber shop that’s tilted like a Batman villain’s lair from the old TV show. Poor drawing at its best.
And I bet panel three is what you get from John when someone is actually dying from a heart attack. C’mon, you old faker, you’re taking way too much attention away from me.
These people should all be buried in lava.
Sorry about being kind of half with-it this week, folks. There’s only so many things you can write about vanilla ice cream.
Ash Friday
I have no idea how accurate any of this is; it would seem to me that a pencil version of a comic would be so early in the process that copyrighting it would be rather premature. Supposedly, Jack Kirby would pencil marvelously (no pun intended) detailed landscapes in Thor and Vince Colleta would just cover them in black because he didn’t feel like inking all those details (source: Ronin Ro’s book on Lee and Kirby, Tales to Astonish).
Ordinarily, I’d defer to Tom Batiuk’s knowledge of the comic book process, but since he stumbled rather badly recently, he’s no longer my “go to” guy on this.
But this, all this, is missing the larger point.
Yesterday, Holly finally got the last issue she needed to complete Cory’s collection. And there was much rejoicing. Finally, this damned thing is OVER.
Today…well, she’s still looking through the comic boxes. She has no real reason to do so….
You know what that means, right? This isn’t over.
No, now that she’s completed the Starbuck Jones run…now she has to find the “ashcan” versions, because of course Cory would have a great interest in obscure means to control copyright. And of course she’ll also have to search for all the Giant Size Starbuck Jones, the digest-size reprint books, the crossover titles (Starbuck Jones meets The Kool Aid Man, Starbuck Jones versus Toyman), and on and on and on.
Listen, and understand. That Starbuck Jones quest is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
Son of Stuck Funky 