Tag: Jessica

Lust And Fond

Link To Today’s Strip

Good Lord. There are few things as repugnant as a FW-style sexual interlude, what with the grotesque foreplay banter and all. We still don’t know why Jessica was in California for all that time in the first place but at least we can rest easy knowing that Boy Lisa and Jessica are, at least temporarily, sexually satiated. I wonder if they exchange wry banter throughout the entire act?

“Oh God I’m coming!”

“Good! As long as you aren’t going again! (smirk)”

Shudder. I mean who is this garbage really for? There can’t possibly be any actual Boy Lisa and Jessica fans out there, can there? The way he chooses certain characters to focus on while completely ignoring other ones just fascinates me, as there’s no rhyme, reason or pattern to it at all. For years after he first came back Boy Lisa couldn’t get more than a day or two to himself but suddenly he’s in the spotlight all the time now and, weirdly enough, it isn’t even Lisa-related anymore. His job, his wife, his son, his mothers…it’s Boy Lisa overload.

Sarcastic Crapitude Test

Link To Today’s Strip

“Test?”

“Yeah, some kind of school shit, I dunno. Well, gotta go, Pete and I are rolling out a new character today…Disinterested Dad, the father who’s real blase and half-assed about parenting. It’s partially based on real life!”

I get the feeling that “I passed the test!” is something Skyler will say less and less as he ages. Call it a hunch. How much more mileage is BatYak going to get out of “no child left behind”? He’s been milking that one for years now. It’s unfortunate that The Syndicate doesn’t have a “does anyone actually read this re-assessment test”, because if they did FW’s run would have ended in 1989 or so.

Jess Another Monday

A big tip of the SoSF coonskin cap to Beckoning Chasm for seeing us through the last couple weeks. Link to today’s strip

Slight scheduling change, TFH will be jumping in next Monday so you’re stuck with me this week! And if today’s strip is any indication we’ll be spending yet another week on the inner workings of the Fukyverse’s weirdest and least plausible marriage of them all, as well as seeing firsthand what will happen when a dimwitted force meets an unbelievably bland object. I mean it’s not like Jessica just got back from Iraq or Antarctica or something, she was only in California waiting for someone to ask her to film a documentary, so this magical airport reunion doesn’t really have the “emotional impact” Bat Ick probably thinks it does. Only the most devout FW reader would even realize they’d been apart, much less why.

Note how I failed to mention today’s punchline. I think that summarizes it better than any other insult or criticism could. “Airport pick-up”…just kill me now.

The Wearying

Link to today’s strip.

Wow, just look at that expression on Ann’s face in panel two.  That’s the face of someone who has had it up to here with her step-son, and is about to use her step-grandson as a bludgeon.

Wow, so your “wife” is going all California on you.  What a terrible dilemma for you.  Sure wish I had your problems, jack-off.  I’ve got to look after the obviously unwanted product of your sham marriage, as well as my disintegrating husband, so you can play with your Flash dollies. 

There’s a definitely an unseen third panel here, with Skyler cowering in a corner while Dullard lies on the floor, his neck bent at an unnatural angle, and Ann standing over him, fists clenched white with rage.

Baby’s First ER Visit

A Children’s Book By Les Moore.

Link to today’s strip.

Don’t worry, Jessica, I’m sure you’ll be there to walk down the aisle to Skyler’s first chemotherapy session.    Unless Tom Batiuk has big plans for you in store, that is.

Kind of odd how we get this little interlude between the Butter Brinkel chapters (I assume that will start up again next week).  Even odder, how quickly we go from “Skyler’s in the hospital!!!” to “(shrug) It’s nothing.”

My guess is that this is, in fact, an interlude and nothing more.  Because I can’t imagine that Batiuk was going to do something dramatic with Skyler and just got cold feet; this is a guy who used a stroke (Fred) and traumatic brain injury (Bull) for weeks of bathos.

No, I suspect that if Skyler had cracked his skull and Jessica had video’d in to say, “Well, that’s sure sad, Dullard, but I can’t fly out to be with him–you should see the Butter Brinkel footage I’m compiling!” people might have thought the real drama was being shunted aside for some poorly thought-out nostalgia trip.  So instead, the poorly thought-out nostalgia trip takes a rest for a meaningless interlude.

And it really is meaningless.  All it demonstrates is that the Fairgoods are the worst parents ever.  They should be called the Fairpoors.