Montoni's – Page 39 – Son of Stuck Funky

Dys-Funktion

OMG that’s f*cking disgusting. I seriously think I’m going to vomit. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. Seriously man, that’s the most frightening Funky profile I have EVER seen and I’ve seen them all. Man alive, is that a terrifying drawing or what? If you go from panel to panel it’s like the evolution of early man.

So Les can’t sleep, eat or get erections (bluuurgh) and he hallucinates talking cats who like to chip away at his self esteem. It’s so reassuring to know that Tombat can still relate so well with the everyday people who read his strip, you know? I think it’s safe to say that her comments today pretty much cement Cayla’s status as the least realistic character in the history of fiction because…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why. Nice to see that Montoni’s is as busy as ever too.

Coming next week: “Defenders Of The Faith” starring Les Moore as Tom Batiuk and you beady-eyed nitpickers as “Hollywood”! Cheer for Les as he defends the cancer book’s honor! Weep with him as he recounts the tragic sequence of contrivances that led to her horrible death! Come for the puns…stay for the wordplay! (Remember folks, “Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe“ is still available wherever ~~fine books~~ collections of old comic strips are sold!)

Do They? Do They Really?

Today’s strip portrays the exchange of “I dos” at Montoni’s, because of course they ended up at Montoni’s, the only reliable social venue in the wretched town of Westview.

I promised you a non-sequitur, and Funky delivers it. His bad Winkerbean vibes having dissipated, and with a smirk that shifts his mouth half way to his left temple, Funky opines: “They don’t call Montoni’s ‘the wedding chapel of love’ for nothing!”

Never mind that he just subverted Wally’s wedding to do a promo for his business. They don’t call Montoni’s “the wedding chapel of love” at all. Also, how does that not dislocate his jaw?

Meanwhile, the weeping chef in the background is playing the old “I’m crushing your head” game.

Meanwhile, some random boy has been hanging around with Funky during the entire sequence.

Who is this kid? It hardly matters, as I expect Batominc will send him to the Corn Field of Discarded Characters, just like all these others that Epicus Doomus so kindly enumerated for us recently:

Frankie, Lennie, the gay prom dudes, Art Teacher, Jarod Posey, Dr. Patella, Radio Ron, Closeted Gay Prom Rock, Mallory the Perfect Human Genome, Rachel’s kid, Kili the cat and that annoying Dan guy, Cell Phone Girl, that tall blonde girl that was always on whatever team Summer was playing against, Travel Agency Woman, Plantman…

Une Semaine De Bonte

Link To Today’s Strip

I would like to offer my sincere thanks to Tom Batiuk for this week. I really appreciate the attempt at humor, and while the strip never really rose above the level of, say, Blondie or Beetle Bailey (other than Thursday’s ultra-goofosity), it was miles above what the strip usually offers. This week was like a vacation.

Those of you who aren’t guest hosts…count your blessings. A guest host never knows from one day to the next what is being served up. Will it be something with one of the many hateful characters? Will it just be lame? Will it be mind-numbingly boring? Remember–you’re the host, you have to have something to say!

Here’s something I’d like to say. I never approach Funky Winkerbean with the attitude of Well, let’s see what can I hate on today. No, despite how poorly made the strip tends to be, I always hope that it will somehow be good, at least today. Because there are enough poorly-made, dull things in this world, and if something rises above that, then [insert Hallmark-worthy phrase here].

So, yeah, sometimes I will overpraise something that’s just mediocre, because I think that mediocre is at least a step up from terrible.

Take today’s offering. Previously in the week, a guy set out to achieve a goal, and through hard work and persistence, actually did so. That’s rare enough in the Funkyverse–what’s even rarer is what today’s strip shows: Funky Winkerbean saying, in effect, “Hey, let’s enjoy life.” When was the last time that happened? I can’t remember.

That, my friends, is a hell of a lot better than what we usually get. This strip typically takes the notion that “genius” requires no effort or talent (Les Moore’s entire life-story) or that those who are deemed “worthy” (criminal-in-training Cory) should have others (Holly) slavishly work on their behalf–without, of course, expending any energy at all, other than to say “I want.”

Today’s episode, though, says…you’ve worked for it. You’ve sweated over it. And you made it.

Enjoy it.

In this comic strip, that’s praiseworthy.

Besides, we should all be glad there’s not a fourth panel, where Funky says “I think I can get us a good table at a place I know called Montoni’s!” That would be double-secret barf-bag-worthy. I’m kind of shocked today’s strip didn’t end that way. Sometimes, it’s the things held back that make the biggest difference.

Sunday could bring all this crashing down, of course. While my thanks to Tom Batiuk are sincere, that doesn’t mean my eyes are closed.

See you tomorrow night!

Take Your Kids to Work Day

While his wife confronts her father’s killer, Darin schleps Skyler down those rickety stairs to visit Holly and Funky. Naturally, the grandchild St. Lisa never knew is good at everything, which for a five-month old consists of sleeping and eating. Of course Cory (whose seems to be mentioned in every Sunday strip) was like that too as a baby; in fact, Funky opines that Cory was that way through his teens. While we know little about teenage Cory’s eating habits (surely he has nothing on Jeremy from Zits), we do know that he made quite a fuss, and in fact was a regular visitor to Principal Nate’s office:

April 2008:

Young Mr. Winkerbean would go from disrupting class to cheating on tests, vandalizing the school and stealing from a charity.

A very Happy Easter to you all! Epicus Doomus steps in
for a couple beginning tomorrow!

Moss Def

Batiuk would have us remember a character he killed off 23 years ago, yet he doesn’t trust us to recall Jessica’s name from one day to the next. “How goes the documentary, JESS?” “Who’s next on stage for the documentary, JESS?” And to the list of things about which Batiuk has no idea how they work, add documentaries. It’s one thing to have her use cheap home video equipment, but any halfway serious filmmaker would undertake a project, especially one as deeply personal as this, with some kind of outline. We’ve had a week of Jessica running around gathering unflattering anecdotes about her late father. Now she finds herself forced (“I didn’t want to have to do this…”) to finally get serious.