‘Twas the Flight Before Christmas

I wonder what “business” requires “the Funkman” to travel by plane. He’s not visiting the franchise locations, since the New York shop closed up years ago.

We’re all familiar with Batiuk’s use of “photo album corners” and sepia tones to depict past events. Today he thoughtfully employs a similar visual cue, the “squiggly-bordered panel”, lest the reader become confused by the abrupt jump-cut from Montoni’s to some airport.

La Douche

I suspect that rather than carry them over into the new year, Batiuk is obligated to burn off every shitty pun that he’s scrawled on a Luigi’s napkin over the last twelve months. Even the puns in French, which are harder for people who are not Les Moore to “get”. Polishing this turd of a gag into a strip requires Les to deliver the jeu de mots, since he’s the only one intellectual enough to coin (and appreciate) such a clever jest.

In Dreams, You’re Mine

Link to today’s strip.

I guess this could be considered a “happy” strip, and Lord knows there aren’t many of those.   The joke seems to be that this is a collection of tiny, tiny dreams, and–surprise–these are the very dreams that these folks desired the most when they were young.  Okay, now it’s kind of depressing, honestly.

It might be that only Harry is really living his dream, and that the others are thinking “Jesus wept, Harry.  Thanks for reminding me how far I’ve failed.”  No one looks happy in the last panel, except Harry, who looks deliriously happy.  One might almost call him “Crazy.”

When I was in high school, I dreamed about my future as well…and it was never anything like “co-owner of a restaurant” or “clerk in a comic book shop.”  My dreams were rather more grandiose.  Admittedly I haven’t achieved them, but at least I had them, and there’s always hope.

I guess in Westview there’s never hope, so it’s best to keep your dreams small, because that’s all you’ll get as life slowly crushes you under its heel.  If you don’t die first, that is.  Then, you win!

After a week of pretty bad artwork, this episode shouldn’t be unexpected, but wow.  Those faces in the last panel are just awful.  And what’s going on with Les and Funky in panel two?  Funky is a shrunken old man, half a head shorter than Les, while Les seems to be missing half of his head.   Suddenly in the last panel Funky is taller than Les.  Also in that panel, Les is smirking so hard it looks like his beard is trying to tear itself off his face.

Well, if I wanted to nitpick the artwork, I’d be here all night…and in fact, the Guest Host SoSF chair has tossed me out!  Watch Monday as DavidO takes up the reins (or as Tom Batiuk would say, the rains) as the strip continues to hurtle Hellward.

Band on the Run

Link to today’s strip.

And now you see why Tom Batiuk had to have two Black Friday jokes, one with his beloved Dinkle.  Because he thought of a stupid pun.

Since this is a Saturday strip, I’m going to assume–and yeah, I really need to stop doing that–that this is a one-off, and won’t be continued on Sunday or next week.  (But consider how lucky we are.  Today’s episode could easily have been turned into a Sunday strip.  Be thankful for small favors.)

Aside from John’s needlessly complicated question in panel one, and his totally unneeded response in panel two, the most remarkable thing in today’s strip is that little sign pointing to John’s head that says “Cashier.”  It’s like one of those things in the old, old Dick Tracy strips which pointed out the “two-way wrist TV” and other crime-fighting tools.  I’m guessing it’s a portent of the Komix Korner’s fate and John’s next career.  (Can you imagine having John Howard as your cashier?  Based on how he “runs” the Korner, he’d probably sneer at the customers who didn’t order extra peperoni.   “Enjoy your weak pizza, loser?  [Ding] Twenty-nine fifty-two.  Oh and don’t forget to tip generously.  Come again!”)

Other than that, this strip just sets up John–one of the “hero” characters and an obvious stand-in for Tom Batiuk–as a moronic dim-bulb.  (Remember how I said yesterday that John is always drawn with care?  Oops.  Panel one, with John’s melty face, is having none of that.  That darn Tom Batiuk is making me look bad again!)

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah–Funky is clearly making a joke–his panel two expression is either “telling a joke” or “having a stroke”–and John wearily responds as if he’s being told the real deal.   “So, those tiny homunculi decided to call it quits?  Was it drugs, or jealousy over groupies, or did they decide ‘the road’ was no kind of lifestyle for men with families?   Also…do you think they’ll try to make a comeback after a couple of years?  I miss them already!”

Nice sign haphazardly taped to the door, too.  (For the life of me, I cannot imagine what it says.  “Closed–Batman obsessed weirdos only”?)  But its random, off-kilter nature pretty much says it all–if there’s one word that Funky Winkerbean brings to mind, it’s kraftsmanship!

Dys-Funktion

Link To Today’s Strip

OMG that’s f*cking disgusting. I seriously think I’m going to vomit. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. Seriously man, that’s the most frightening Funky profile I have EVER seen and I’ve seen them all. Man alive, is that a terrifying drawing or what? If you go from panel to panel it’s like the evolution of early man.

So Les can’t sleep, eat or get erections (bluuurgh) and he hallucinates talking cats who like to chip away at his self esteem. It’s so reassuring to know that Tombat can still relate so well with the everyday people who read his strip, you know? I think it’s safe to say that her comments today pretty much cement Cayla’s status as the least realistic character in the history of fiction because…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why. Nice to see that Montoni’s is as busy as ever too.

Coming next week: “Defenders Of The Faith” starring Les Moore as Tom Batiuk and you beady-eyed nitpickers as “Hollywood”! Cheer for Les as he defends the cancer book’s honor! Weep with him as he recounts the tragic sequence of contrivances that led to her horrible death! Come for the puns…stay for the wordplay! (Remember folks, “Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe“ is still available wherever fine books collections of old comic strips are sold!)