Montoni's – Page 39 – Son of Stuck Funky

In Dreams, You’re Mine

I guess this could be considered a “happy” strip, and Lord knows there aren’t many of those. The joke seems to be that this is a collection of tiny, tiny dreams, and–surprise–these are the very dreams that these folks desired the most when they were young. Okay, now it’s kind of depressing, honestly.

It might be that only Harry is really living his dream, and that the others are thinking “Jesus wept, Harry. Thanks for reminding me how far I’ve failed.” No one looks happy in the last panel, except Harry, who looks deliriously happy. One might almost call him “Crazy.”

When I was in high school, I dreamed about my future as well…and it was never anything like “co-owner of a restaurant” or “clerk in a comic book shop.” My dreams were rather more grandiose. Admittedly I haven’t achieved them, but at least I had them, and there’s always hope.

I guess in Westview there’s never hope, so it’s best to keep your dreams small, because that’s all you’ll get as life slowly crushes you under its heel. If you don’t die first, that is. Then, you win!

After a week of pretty bad artwork, this episode shouldn’t be unexpected, but wow. Those faces in the last panel are just awful. And what’s going on with Les and Funky in panel two? Funky is a shrunken old man, half a head shorter than Les, while Les seems to be missing half of his head. Suddenly in the last panel Funky is taller than Les. Also in that panel, Les is smirking so hard it looks like his beard is trying to tear itself off his face.

Well, if I wanted to nitpick the artwork, I’d be here all night…and in fact, the Guest Host SoSF chair has tossed me out! Watch Monday as DavidO takes up the reins (or as Tom Batiuk would say, the rains) as the strip continues to hurtle Hellward.

Band on the Run

Link to today’s strip.

And now you see why Tom Batiuk had to have two Black Friday jokes, one with his beloved Dinkle. Because he thought of a stupid pun.

Since this is a Saturday strip, I’m going to assume–and yeah, I really need to stop doing that–that this is a one-off, and won’t be continued on Sunday or next week. (But consider how lucky we are. Today’s episode could easily have been turned into a Sunday strip. Be thankful for small favors.)

Aside from John’s needlessly complicated question in panel one, and his totally unneeded response in panel two, the most remarkable thing in today’s strip is that little sign pointing to John’s head that says “Cashier.” It’s like one of those things in the old, old Dick Tracy strips which pointed out the “two-way wrist TV” and other crime-fighting tools. I’m guessing it’s a portent of the Komix Korner’s fate and John’s next career. (Can you imagine having John Howard as your cashier? Based on how he “runs” the Korner, he’d probably sneer at the customers who didn’t order extra peperoni. “Enjoy your weak pizza, loser? [Ding] Twenty-nine fifty-two. Oh and don’t forget to tip generously. Come again!”)

Other than that, this strip just sets up John–one of the “hero” characters and an obvious stand-in for Tom Batiuk–as a moronic dim-bulb. (Remember how I said yesterday that John is always drawn with care? Oops. Panel one, with John’s melty face, is having none of that. That darn Tom Batiuk is making me look bad again!)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah–Funky is clearly making a joke–his panel two expression is either “telling a joke” or “having a stroke”–and John wearily responds as if he’s being told the real deal. “So, those tiny homunculi decided to call it quits? Was it drugs, or jealousy over groupies, or did they decide ‘the road’ was no kind of lifestyle for men with families? Also…do you think they’ll try to make a comeback after a couple of years? I miss them already!”

Nice sign haphazardly taped to the door, too. (For the life of me, I cannot imagine what it says. “Closed–Batman obsessed weirdos only”?) But its random, off-kilter nature pretty much says it all–if there’s one word that Funky Winkerbean brings to mind, it’s kraftsmanship!

Dys-Funktion

Link To Today’s Strip

OMG that’s f*cking disgusting. I seriously think I’m going to vomit. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. Seriously man, that’s the most frightening Funky profile I have EVER seen and I’ve seen them all. Man alive, is that a terrifying drawing or what? If you go from panel to panel it’s like the evolution of early man.

So Les can’t sleep, eat or get erections (bluuurgh) and he hallucinates talking cats who like to chip away at his self esteem. It’s so reassuring to know that Tombat can still relate so well with the everyday people who read his strip, you know? I think it’s safe to say that her comments today pretty much cement Cayla’s status as the least realistic character in the history of fiction because…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why. Nice to see that Montoni’s is as busy as ever too.

Coming next week: “Defenders Of The Faith” starring Les Moore as Tom Batiuk and you beady-eyed nitpickers as “Hollywood”! Cheer for Les as he defends the cancer book’s honor! Weep with him as he recounts the tragic sequence of contrivances that led to her horrible death! Come for the puns…stay for the wordplay! (Remember folks, “Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe“ is still available wherever ~~fine books~~ collections of old comic strips are sold!)

Do They? Do They Really?

Today’s strip portrays the exchange of “I dos” at Montoni’s, because of course they ended up at Montoni’s, the only reliable social venue in the wretched town of Westview.

I promised you a non-sequitur, and Funky delivers it. His bad Winkerbean vibes having dissipated, and with a smirk that shifts his mouth half way to his left temple, Funky opines: “They don’t call Montoni’s ‘the wedding chapel of love’ for nothing!”

Never mind that he just subverted Wally’s wedding to do a promo for his business. They don’t call Montoni’s “the wedding chapel of love” at all. Also, how does that not dislocate his jaw?

Meanwhile, the weeping chef in the background is playing the old “I’m crushing your head” game.

Meanwhile, some random boy has been hanging around with Funky during the entire sequence.

Who is this kid? It hardly matters, as I expect Batominc will send him to the Corn Field of Discarded Characters, just like all these others that Epicus Doomus so kindly enumerated for us recently:

Frankie, Lennie, the gay prom dudes, Art Teacher, Jarod Posey, Dr. Patella, Radio Ron, Closeted Gay Prom Rock, Mallory the Perfect Human Genome, Rachel’s kid, Kili the cat and that annoying Dan guy, Cell Phone Girl, that tall blonde girl that was always on whatever team Summer was playing against, Travel Agency Woman, Plantman…

Une Semaine De Bonte

Link To Today’s Strip

I would like to offer my sincere thanks to Tom Batiuk for this week. I really appreciate the attempt at humor, and while the strip never really rose above the level of, say, Blondie or Beetle Bailey (other than Thursday’s ultra-goofosity), it was miles above what the strip usually offers. This week was like a vacation.

Those of you who aren’t guest hosts…count your blessings. A guest host never knows from one day to the next what is being served up. Will it be something with one of the many hateful characters? Will it just be lame? Will it be mind-numbingly boring? Remember–you’re the host, you have to have something to say!

Here’s something I’d like to say. I never approach Funky Winkerbean with the attitude of Well, let’s see what can I hate on today. No, despite how poorly made the strip tends to be, I always hope that it will somehow be good, at least today. Because there are enough poorly-made, dull things in this world, and if something rises above that, then [insert Hallmark-worthy phrase here].

So, yeah, sometimes I will overpraise something that’s just mediocre, because I think that mediocre is at least a step up from terrible.

Take today’s offering. Previously in the week, a guy set out to achieve a goal, and through hard work and persistence, actually did so. That’s rare enough in the Funkyverse–what’s even rarer is what today’s strip shows: Funky Winkerbean saying, in effect, “Hey, let’s enjoy life.” When was the last time that happened? I can’t remember.

That, my friends, is a hell of a lot better than what we usually get. This strip typically takes the notion that “genius” requires no effort or talent (Les Moore’s entire life-story) or that those who are deemed “worthy” (criminal-in-training Cory) should have others (Holly) slavishly work on their behalf–without, of course, expending any energy at all, other than to say “I want.”

Today’s episode, though, says…you’ve worked for it. You’ve sweated over it. And you made it.

Enjoy it.

In this comic strip, that’s praiseworthy.

Besides, we should all be glad there’s not a fourth panel, where Funky says “I think I can get us a good table at a place I know called Montoni’s!” That would be double-secret barf-bag-worthy. I’m kind of shocked today’s strip didn’t end that way. Sometimes, it’s the things held back that make the biggest difference.

Sunday could bring all this crashing down, of course. While my thanks to Tom Batiuk are sincere, that doesn’t mean my eyes are closed.

See you tomorrow night!