Tag: smirk

Anus Major

“In a spirit of generosity”, Tom Batiuk really should put down his Funky felt tip, retire “Funky” and “Crankshaft”, and free up some real estate for some new talent in the fading genre of daily newspaper comics. TB waited almost a month to squander another Sunday’s worth of ink, newsprint, and Photoshop effects on a followup to Kablichnick’s Ursa  Major “joke”. In today’s retelling, however, “Jim Twain” goes with our bobanero’s (funnier) punchline. Not so fast, teacher! Even dim Owen realizes we’ve heard this one. And it sucked. “But no, my friends,” teases Jim, in French to be extra condescending; he then recites the joke and delivers the punchline like a steaming turd before smirking blissfully and hitching his suspenders (the science teacher’s “mic drop”). Cody is appalled by this microaggression; deadpan Alex declares Jim to “comedically on fire” while visualizing him to be literally so.

Your genial host is “comedically extinguished” after serving as your host these last two festive weeks. Thank you, readers and contributors, for visiting and supporting the web’s premiere source for Funky Winkerbean snark, Son of Stuck Funky. I’m pleased and proud to preside over one of the smartest and funniest online communities I’ve even partaken in. The comedically sur le feu Beckoning Chasm takes over Monday. Happy 2016! —Votre ancien assiette en porcelaine, TFH

Youth will be served… Pepperoni

Oh good grief… Funky had to go and open up the can of worms that is Durwood’s age in today’s strip.

Holly does her level best to draw my fire away with a “joke” related to the major Christian holiday that is NOT the one less than a week away, but it is to no avail. I’m sure Jessica’s laughing was annoying and Holly’s joke succeeded in quieting her down, but the statement that set up the joke remains. When commenting about how young Darin and Jess look, one ought have a rough idea of how young they are. Instead, we have this:

If you can do better, you are quite welcome to try.

Heavy Lidded

*yawn*

Sorry about that. Today’s strip is, in fact, a thing. It’s a thing where stuff happens, technically, I think.

Cory continues to sell us on the mystery of why oh why he would sell his mother’s beloved collection of Starbuck Jones comics behind Holly’s back. This is day four of the sales job but I’ll let the redundancy slide because having to half-explain it to DSH serves a minor narrative purpose even if we’re all going “again?!”

Here’s my only real problem with today’s strip: why bring Bob Hope back from the dead if you are just going to give him a silent silhouette cameo in panel 3? I mean, not even he could make this material entertaining, but I’d at least appreciate it if TB let him try.

Like a restless wind inside a comic box

Big guest star get in today’s strip. Playing the role of Cory is Deimos, the potato-shaped second moon of Mars. TB clearly has friends high up in the IAU if he’s getting celestial bodies onto the set.

So… what else is happening?
– In a ringing endorsement of the quality of Starbuck Jones, Cory has never been more sure of anything he has ever done ever, than he is about his desire to sell these comic books.
– We also learn that this is NOT a complete collection, as I and others might have inferred, but that the first few issues are reprints from an archive book.
– Cory also drops the fact that Funky once owned Starbuck Jones #1 on the guy who knows that better than anyone. In fact, we were first introduced to Batom Comics and Starbuck Jones because DSH got behind on his rent during a bad month for Montoni’s back in 2010. Funky had to crack open the Montoni’s safe and sell his non-bagged, non-slabbed copy of issue #1 to save his shop AND DSH’s deadbeat hind parts in the process. It was OK, though, because Funky was never in to Starbuck Jones, only buing the comic because an old guy, who was actually his present self but badly injured in a car accident and hallucinating that he was his present self but in the Act I past, told him to do so.

Anyways, did DSH ever pay Funky back for covering for him? Or does he think helping Holly assemble the very collection Cory is now selling squares them?

In any event, today we have what I believe is the first conversation between two characters who Funky has been far too generous with (remember who covered for Cory’s theft at the Lisa walk). May as well have Les walk in for good measure…

Sorry, I didn’t really mean that.

In My Merry Batiukmobile

Does today’s strip have some meaning beyond the desire to take a nice hot shower after a long and dirty trip? Is it some commentary on the previously unknown but particularly grimy nature of Afghan soil? I have no idea, so I’m just going to tell some old car jokes at the expense of today’s most prominent feature, the Batiukmobile®.

 

How did Funky double the value of his Batiukmobile®?
He filled up the gas tank.

How did Funky double the weight of his Batiukmobile®?
He sat down in the driver’s seat.

Funky walked up to the counter at the local Western Auto and said “I need a new set of wiper blades for my Batiukmobile®.”
“Throw in $20 and it’s an even trade” replied the store clerk.

Did you know that the Batiukmobile® has one of the industry’s best front-impact crash test ratings?
The tow truck takes the brunt of the impact.

You can buy a Batiukmobile® in any color you want, as long as it’s teal.

99% of all Batiukmobiles® ever built are still on the road.
The remaining 1% were able to make it to the repair shop.

What’s the difference between a hard-working, intelligent individual and a Batiukmobile®?
A hard-working, intelligent individual will get driven out of Westview.