If today’s post title didn’t tip you off already, I will warn you here and now that we are NOT done with Funky’s visit to the eye doctor in today’s strip. You don’t need to read it. You don’t want to read it. As much as I generally hope to see lots of comments on this site, I won’t be remotely offended if there isn’t a single comment posted today.
What is there even to say? That this whole strip could have been avoided had Funky just answered the doctor’s question in last Friday’s strip? There, I said it. Tune in tomorrow for more warnings, probably.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Oh my God it’s still going. Didn’t really expect that. I needed some time to decipher this one but I assume it means Funky has some sort of (sigh) eye problem because of course he does, as Batom hasn’t really inflicted much punishment on Funky’s head area…yet. First he works the body for a few decades, then he very slowly goes in for the kill.
Coming soon: after Funky’s botched Lasik procedure leaves him completely blind, Funky suffers second-degree burns on his hands while attempting to “read” a pizza. The resultant depression after being unable to read in Braille because his hands are bandaged sends Funky feeling around for his old friend…the bottle. Unfortunately that bottle contains ammonia, leading to yet another lengthy Funky rehabilitation arc and so forth.
No, not ammonia! That’s what they use in smelling salts! If Funky passes out, just leave him lying on the floor. The doctor can claim he’s a specialized eye test: “If you can see the blob on the floor, your peripheral vision is all right.”
We legalized weed almost 10 years ago in my home state, but I’m considering a recall effort if this going where I think it is.
That won’t happen because that would actually be funny. Funky Winkerbean would be so much more fun if its misery was insanely over-the-top, like Happy Tree Friends.
But Mr. Quarter Inch From Reality has to bend over backwards to make sure his world isn’t even inadvertently entertaining. Week 1: Joke joke joke joke joke joke. Week 2: oh no Funky has eye cancer. Week 3: Dinkle and Becky go to the Ohio Music Educators convention. Week 4: Funky’s cataract surgery turns out to be nothing. And newspapers still carry this shit?
Whatever Funky’s problem–dry eyes? Glaucoma?–I hope it’s something that has to be treated with eye drops. Every day, for the rest of his life. And that he needs Les Moore to administer the drops, because why let all that good misery go to waste?
Unbelievable! Are we embarking on a”very special” arc? Doubtful, since TomBa hasn’t mentioned anything about it on his blog , but we’ll have to see.
We’re to the point where we’re undoing things that (are implied to) have already happened just to deliver yet more lame variational nonjokes during the somehow-decelerating buildup to a painfully telegraphed and extremely low-stakes conclusion. This is dire!
“Wasn’t one of those lines on the eye chart supposed to be clear?”
“Hmm? Oh, yes, you’re right! I was so busy splitting my sides at your hilarious jokes that I completely lost track!”
“Really? My jokes aren’t that funny.”
“Oh, they’re not? Then why do you KEEP MAKING THEM?!?”
I, for one, am on the edge of my seat in excitement. I am hoping the Dr. will attempt to fix Funky’s cataracts the (extremely) old fashioned way. By attempting to poke the lens down with a bronze needle.
Ha ha! It’s funny because Funky is going blind and his eye doctor is incompetent.
If I may paraphrase a line from Dogbert: this is the tone shifting without a clutch.
So this is a serious story now? A week’s worth of stupid filler jokes were in service of Funky having a real eye problem? Of course they were: that’s how Funky Winkerbean rolls. This is that “balancing humor with sensitivity” Tony Isabella writes about in the forward to the book collection, except that it totally isn’t. The joke doesn’t even work by itself: the eye doctor would have asked Funky which one was clearer, so Funky wouldn’t be realizing this just now.
And look at that worried face. If there’s one Batiuk loves better than the wry smirk, it’s the worried face. Oh no, Funky’s concerned about his vision now! Even though he could see just fine when he walked into the optometry office, and has done nothing but make stupid jokes the whole time. And because this scene doesn’t have enough awkwardness, why is the assistant making that sexy over-the-shoulder face to the camera?
God, this is crap. It’s classic Batiuk: trying to mix comedy and drama when he can’t do either.
2021 is really off to a bad start. Crankshaft is starting a prestige pizza arc. Mary Worth is featuring elderly people getting triggered…although a blind turtle moves more quickly and with more purpose than these clods. But this story did make wonder if old people use the word triggered. If I ever go to a Batty book signing I will ask him this question as it seems he knows a lot about old people and their strange habits. Who knows, maybe he is friends with Karen Moy and she got the idea from him?
Batty is old people now.
I aspire to being old people someday. It beats the alternative.
I feel that there should be a tag for “Redundant Pointing”.
Look at that moron pointing at the chart, as if the doctor wouldn’t know what he was talking about if he hadn’t indicated it. That could have led to an actual joke, as the doctor points out that Funky’s got a vision problem because he wasn’t pointing at the eye chart, he was pointing at the emergency exit instructions or something.
When is Chien coming back?
I’m hoping for never, on the basis that she could at least stand as one female character who existed in this strip that ultimately had an autonomous existence rather than serve as a spineless subservient wench for some dope’s obsession with comic books or some other juvenile pursuit.