Son of Stuck Funky

Duh, Actually

Hey gang, Epicus here to steer the S.S. SoSF through the rest of this…thing. Special thanks as always to the entire SoSF crew!

I really love it when one of Tom Ban’s carefully crafted little stories comes together all at once like this. You see, it’s not just all about how dumb, useless and stupid The Internet is, oh my heavens no. It’s also about Cindy and how her rapidly-escalating ugliness has reached a point where she’s just too haggard and hideous to be on TV anymore…even in Cleveland. Thus she has a hidden motive for seriously ACTUALLY considering “Buddyblog’s” offer, as in her opinion the internet’s “low res” video is just the thing to disguise her grotesque appearance enough to extend her pathetic dying career for a few more months, at which point she’d just be too old and grossly-deformed to do much of anything at all anyhow. Sounds like a plan!!!

Strong female characters bursting with “can-do” self-esteem aside, why do I get the impression that the Batom Inc. studio plays host to an old Packard Bell box (with zip drive!) running Windows 98? These hilarious internet gags would have played a lot better in 1999, but here in 2015 they just make him look silly. And boy, is he chew-toying the ever-living hell out of Cindy or what? Ever since she was demoted for being so heinous and old, every appearance has centered around how heinous and old she is now. It’s relentless.

And check out the Funk-Man in panel two. You can at least pretend to care, Funky.

Face For Radio

Here we have it, all in today’s strip , exactly why Cindy dumped Funky’s sorry butt like last week’s tuna cassarole. What a non-supportive jackass! One more panel and we’d have Funky going: “No, really Cindy, you dames dress pretty and all and smell nice but you don’t know anything about computers!”

Or maybe he thinks she’s way too old for the job? Either way it’s a front-handed slap of an insult. Cindy sulks a bit, but if she wants a free slice of pizza and a 20 ounce fountain Diet Coke I guess she’s going to stand there and take it.

Sweaty Work

Ew, Cindy, get a towel! No one reading today’s strip saw you walk in from the rain so it looks like you’re sweating like a racehorse while heaving your chest and panting at Funky. It’s not a good look for you. It’s not a good look for anyone. And with Funky’s stupid answer that would have me back out the door and into the snowy–err, rainy generic Westview day.

Half Off (His Rocker)

Coupons! What sounded like a spell of Tourette’s Syndrome was actually Funky’s response to Cindy’s question in today’s strip about business. Seeing how she’s his ex, I’m sure she remembers Funky’s rise to stardom in the pizza industry, followed by his crash and burn so I’d think asking a Magic 8-Ball about business ideas would yield better results.

It’s funny how Funky went to coupons first and not something even more hare-brained, like, say, when he decided that his small-town pizza shop needed a full-time MBA applications developer to come up with a bloated, useless app.

This strip is a great example of how random the time jumps seem to affect the good citizens of Westview. Funky looks like he’s sliding ungracefully into his early 60s while Cindy could get away with 29 candles on her cake.

All Dried Up

Ow, my neck. Ok, now that that’s out of the way, today’s strip is a closer look at the cover that was hinted at in yesterday’s panel one, just in glorious color. I wish there was an in-browser way to rotate this but it looks like we’re just all going to have to cock our heads.

A few thoughts:

You’re on issue 57, and most superheros don’t get a sidekick until the writers are out of ideas. It’s the comic equivalent of when a TV sitcom writer turns to another and says: “Have we done the ‘stuck in an elevator’ bit yet? It happens to most heroes, and usually it’s pretty clear heroes are kinda more bad-ass on their own than with a partner and we never see the sidekick again.

I’m looking at you, Rover.

Pete is so worried his readers are going to hate him for killing Absorbing Jr but if he thinks that’s an issue, just wait until he brings lil’ Spongy back with a lame time-travel or ‘it was all a dream’ cop-out.