Jessica – Page 30 – Son of Stuck Funky

Another Pizza Your Heart Now Baby

Looks like you could use a few folding tables or even a couple of old milk crates too there, Derwin. What a pair of brain-dead slobs. BanTom sometimes tries to pretend that Boy Lisa is just a “young guy ” who’s “just starting out” but remember, these people are in their late thirties at a minimum, which makes it all the more sad. The crooked lampshade is a nice touch too, it really gives the place that “totally hapless” look that explains so much regarding why Pete is still eternally single.

If they hate that awful Hollywood pizza so much, why are they buying so much of it? I’m assuming that the dry ice really locked-in that famed Montoni’s freshness and kept the grease from congealing too much during shipping, although how will they be able to tell? How many pizzas did she cram into that box? Did she just stack them on top of each other or what? I would think that after spending several years working there (and living directly above it) Darin would be sick to death of Montoni’s by now but I guess it’s in the blood now, like tainted heroin or some sort of incurable virus.

And Boy, Are Her Arms Tired

Link To Today’s Alleged “Comic” Strip

And I had no idea that everyone was actually on the second floor of this building…go figure. So where are the bricks? Or is that some sort of earthquake risk Out West? It’s so strange to see such a blank wall in this strip, isn’t it?

Boy Lisa’s big black chin dimple and epically Winkerbeanian schnozz-ola and Jessica’s Fingerpoke Of Doom and reckless 80’s rocker hair aside, there isn’t a whole lot going on in this piece of crap. TheWriterGuy always tries for the whole cute bubbly adorable thing with Jessica but he always goes too far and makes her seem ditzy, annoying and idiotic instead. He needs to wry the character up by like 40% or so, she’s way too chipper and upbeat. Why, if it wasn’t for her father being murdered she’d barely have any pathos in her life at all.

And I’ve always assumed that she must have some sort of blandness fetish or something, as she likes Boy Lisa way, way too much to be believable. You know what they say, different strokes and all. If she indeed does go for bland guys then it all makes much more sense, as she really hit the jackpot with Darin, The Least Interesting Man In The World. Drying paint gets bored watching him. He’s so boring you could use him to dig tunnels. And dull, boy is he ever dull. Like kindergarten scissors dull. And that’s pretty dull.

Speaking of that nose…LOL. Look, I’m no artist and I don’t regularly mock the artwork but come on, that’s just absurd. Is it really that difficult to draw different noses? It this some sort of labor-saving trick or something?

Stop Or Boy Lisa Will Shoot

Link To Today’s Action

Hey gang, it’s Epicus again, ready to steer the good ship SoSF through the treacherous waters of Boring Bay. Whenever I see I’m doing a Boy Lisa arc I shudder. Not a Les Moore shudder (shudder), of course, more like an “oh no, not THIS dullard again” sort of thing. He’s truly the Least Interesting Man In The World. And Mopey Pete isn’t exactly a bag of fireworks either, mind you. But when you see Darin you immediately know you’re in for a seriously boring ride, as pretty much every other FW character is like Action Park compared to Lisa’s bio-son. I’m surprised to see him getting this much “screen time”, as usually his infrequent appearances fizzle out after three days or so.

Anyhow, Jessica is in town to (guffaw) break the monotony and give these two idiots a respite from their incessant complaining and all-around dreariness. Good luck with that, Jess. Good thing she didn’t pop in on them while they were expressing any sort of satisfaction or happiness about anything, as it would have no doubt confused and disoriented her (as well as all regular FW readers). I assume she left that kid of theirs back home with the former Mrs. John Darling or maybe with those loveless frauds Ann and Fred, not that it really matters, as that kid is clearly destined for the same scrap heap where Rachel’s son, Wally Jr. and Crazy Harry’s missing brood currently resides.

Taking It in Stride

SosfDavidO here, just calling up an old, time-honored box-office bomb tradition to get things moving in today’s strip. Apparently the script isn’t going so well, which is forcing rewrites, which is causing Pete and Darin to have to (I assume) redo the storyboards.

That’s right, after 60+ some issues of Starbucks Jones, Hollywood still doesn’t have enough material to crap out a halfway decent movie.

I’m not too sure who is shouting “What!?” here but it’s not like Pete or Darin exactly had a lot going on before they flew out to Hollywood to work as storyboarders on a movie. Darin especially. Maybe as a greenhorn he’s only getting paid in the “exposure” working on a film would bring but it still has to beat living in Ohio in November.

Punchcraft

Link to today’s strip.

Well, this raises a few questions. What “disruption” is Darin talking about? When Jessica says they’ll “catch up” with him, does that mean a later flight? Or is she not going to California with him? Is she aware that Funky is preparing to rent the apartment out from under her? Not that her situation merits a single thought from anyone, since she’s a female–and we all know how important they are in this strip. Still, it would have been nice to see some of this “disruption” rather than that damned wentletrap Les waving his operculum around the last couple of days. I guess we get the fun of guessing what the “disruption” was.

Lost Skyler’s Batman-themed diapers.
Frankie showed up again, asked for a “cup a coffee.” None could be found.
Someone’s father was murdered.

What do you want to bet we’ll never know?

I dunno about the rest of you, but I find Darin such an unbelievably boring character–who at the same time, manages to be insufferable–that it’s hard to find anything to say about him. To the best of my (admittedly not very extensive) knowledge, he has accomplished nothing of note in the strip. Yeah, there’s the Pizza App, but that has had zero impact, other than as the butt of several jokes. He’s like a gangly, angular construct of ambulatory meat.

At least the other characters have interests, even if those interests are nothing more than comic books. At least that’s something. Darin seems to exist in a shell where he’s nothing more than the sacred essence of Lisa. I guess, in the viewpoint of some, that’s all you need to be to be considered worthy of attention–you’re somehow under Lisa’s shadow.