Tag: Montoni's

A Jarr-ing Announcement

Cindy and Mason’s reason for visiting Westview during the time around the winter solstice that is celebrated by certain faiths and cultures but not by others and all of these people are okay so please don’t sue the school board* is perhaps more clear in today’s strip.

Yes, she’s now engaged to a big Hollywood picture star and has come back to Westview to rub it in the face of her schlubby ex-husband at the very pizzeria he refused to leave in order to remain with her. Or maybe she hasn’t come back to rub it in and is just appallingly tone-deaf to how this looks to every person on the planet with common manners.

The real story today, though, is the mug on Cindy’s finance…

– I propose that every joke ever written about someone asking a horse “why the long face?” be modified to replace the horse with Mason Jarr.

– Mason Jarr once voiced an animated banana in a Dole commercial. Test audiences thought it was live-action.

– If you order Ronco’s 25 piece cutlery set in the next 20 minutes, you receive Mason Jarr’s face for free (just pay processing and handling).

– If Mason Jarr is seen in profile at an airport, he is confiscated by the TSA.

– When Mason Jarr played football, he would borrow Tony Zendejas’ helmet in a vain effort to better protect his chin.

* Also, kudos to principal Nate Green for supplying me with the student handbook-approved terminology for this time of year.

Thy king-dumb come

Oh, theres no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter how you read today’s strip
When you pine for the weather of decent days
For the holidays, you’d best avoid the trip

I met a couple who lives in Hollywood
They were headin’ for, Ohio, and some awful pizza pie
From Ohio, folks aren’t travelin’ too quickly or too far
From Garfield Heights to Brunswick, gee, the traffic’s nonexistent

Oh, there’s no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter if you’ve moved away high or low
If you want to be happy in any little ways
For the holidays, it’s best to just not go

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Listless

 Link To Today’s Strip

Every so often The BanMan throws one at you that just leaves you completely befuddled. I THINK that’s Wally, Rachel, Tony and Funky in that photo although I’m not 100% certain about that. I had to Google “Margo Lanes” and sure enough, Margo Lane was a character in an old-timey 1940’s serial, “The Shadow”. Surely there are four or five still-living people that might get that gag, although the odds on them also being FW readers are, uh…fairly slim, I’d say.

“Why was everyone wearing Santa hats…?”…I’m just gonna go way out on a limb here, Jess, but I’m guessing it was because it was CHRISTMAS TIME, which would be the most logical reason. Good thing she isn’t a detective, huh? I have no earthly idea where this could be going (other than “nowhere”) although “the gang at Montoni’s starts a bowling team” would probably be as good a guess as any. It’s also pretty obvious that Jess is spending WAY too much time in that pizza place too. Where have you gone, Boy Lisa? A boring strip turns its yawning eyes to you.

 

Another Pizza Your Heart Now Baby

 

Link To Today’s Thing

Looks like you could use a few folding tables or even a couple of old milk crates too there, Derwin. What a pair of brain-dead slobs. BanTom sometimes tries to pretend that Boy Lisa is just a “young guy ” who’s “just starting out” but remember, these people are in their late thirties at a minimum, which makes it all the more sad. The crooked lampshade is a nice touch too, it really gives the place that “totally hapless” look that explains so much regarding why Pete is still eternally single.

If they hate that awful Hollywood pizza so much, why are they buying so much of it? I’m assuming that the dry ice really locked-in that famed Montoni’s freshness and kept the grease from congealing too much during shipping, although how will they be able to tell? How many pizzas did she cram into that box? Did she just stack them on top of each other or what? I would think that after spending several years working there (and living directly above it) Darin would be sick to death of Montoni’s by now but I guess it’s in the blood now, like tainted heroin or some sort of incurable virus.

 

Taking It in Stride

SosfDavidO here, just calling up an old, time-honored box-office bomb tradition to get things moving in today’s strip. Apparently the script isn’t going so well, which is forcing rewrites, which is causing Pete and Darin to have to (I assume) redo the storyboards.

That’s right, after 60+ some issues of Starbucks Jones, Hollywood still doesn’t have enough material to crap out a halfway decent movie.

I’m not too sure who is shouting “What!?” here but it’s not like Pete or Darin exactly had a lot going on before they flew out to Hollywood to work as storyboarders on a movie. Darin especially. Maybe as a greenhorn he’s only getting paid in the “exposure” working on a film would bring but it still has to beat living in Ohio in November.